Life from the beginning of the third year was not marked by anything special. I was still studying diligently. Although I had the opportunity to spit on my studies - I would pass the exams without problems, thanks to my gift - but I wanted to know something, and not just get a diploma. I was still looking for a girl who, finally, would make Angelica forget, and never found. And I was still amused by the “reading” of people and the fact that I compared the experience with theoretical knowledge.

In psychology, the concept of emotions and feelings was clearly distinguished. There were analogies, arguments, and the main idea was that emotions are the lowest form of human reaction to stimuli, while feelings are the highest, that is, people react more consciously to events. There are seven kinds of emotions and so many kinds of feelings. At first, I was surprised by this classification, because during the “contact” my feelings did not differ much, be it joy, which was included in the category of emotion, or love, which belonged to feelings. And then, thinking properly, he agreed that this is the case. I felt and distinguished emotions instantly, but it was much more difficult to recognize feelings. They were usually accompanied by the appearance of images that had to be deciphered. And I did not always succeed.

I sat down again for books on psychology. I remember one case. On the eve I read about autism in children. I had an overwhelming desire to check whether children really couldn’t feel, or simply couldn’t express their feelings. And now my wish is fulfilled. I went to the subway and immediately turned my attention to a young woman who tried to persuade her five-year-old son to descend on the escalator. She still had a sports bag of impressive size in her hands, so she could not take the baby in her arms, but he categorically refused to obey.

“I can help you with something,” I approached them closer.

- Please take the bag, - the woman was delighted. “I'll take my son in my arms.” He is the first in the subway, because he is afraid.

- Your son is already a big guy. Maybe, let me take him in my arms, because it will be hard for you to hold him.

“No, he will not agree,” she answered confidently. - He is afraid of strangers.

“Allow me to try,” I said, and sat down next to the boy to have eye contact with him. - What do you call something?

- He won't tell. His name is Tema, - mom lost patience because of her son and because I offered help, but did not help.

- Wait, - I pulled it up. - Tyoma, you are the first time in the subway, you are probably scared here, because there are so many other uncles and aunts, everything is buzzing ...

Before that, the kid really was in a panic from the fact that he was in an unfamiliar environment, and when I started talking about the fact that he was so scared, he began to calm down and focus on me. I ventured to take his hand and I immediately had the image of a car. Everything is clear - in the head of the boy the rumble was associated with cars, and he was not afraid of cars, he loved them. I immediately knew what to do next.

- You know that this is so buzzing? - I continued to talk with the baby. - It's buzzing stairs. She rides like a car.

“Machine,” repeated Tyoma. Mom didn’t believe her ears that her son had said the word, addressing a stranger!

- Do you like to ride a car? I asked, but the boy no longer answered. Nevertheless, I “read” that his fear gradually began to recede, but he really could not express his thoughts in words. Or did not want?

Suddenly, I remembered that I had once read about children's egocentrism. Children understand the world and communicate with others only from their point of view. They do not even realize that others may not know and do not understand what they know and understand.

“He won't say anything more,” Mom intervened again.

“Hush, he studies me,” I reassured her.

And indeed, after a few seconds, Tyoma said:

- A machine. Stairs.

- Will you walk into my arms? - I was delighted. “I will help you ride this big car.”

The kid hesitated for a few more seconds, and then he handed me his hands. He grabbed hold of me very tightly, but now it was not fear, but excitement that guided him. Tyoma was delighted with the fact that riding on such a huge car.

- Tyoma, and how to call your mother? - I decided on another experiment with the child. I understood that he was an autist for a long time, therefore I wanted to find out if there was a way to find a trip to such children, to solve the reason for their isolation and help to adapt to the environment.

“Mom,” said the baby.

- Mom ..., and then?

“Mama Tanya,” said Tyoma, and then shocked my mother at all, asking me a question. - And you?

“And I'm Uncle Dan,” I told him.

We have already gone down to the subway platform, so I put the boy on his feet.

- Uncle Dan, I want more!

- What do you want? - I was amazed now and I already, not only his mother.

- A machine. Stairs.

“Now we’ll go by another car,” I replied to Tyome. - It will be more than this. The train is called. Want to ride the train?

“Ladder,” repeated the little one.

“We will now go by train, and then again on the stairs,” I promised him.

- A machine...

It turned out that my mother, Tanya and Tema, along the way. So I helped them get into the car. There were few people at that time, we even managed to sit down and chat a little.

- How did you manage it? - asked Tanya. “He never talks to anyone.” Even with me, she doesn't always want to talk. Well, if someone picked him up! A tantrum would be such that the whole district would hear.

“I just love children very much,” I partially lied. Of course, I loved children, but the case with Tema was of purely scientific interest to me (if, of course, my curiosity could be called this word).

In that period of life, I often set myself some specific goals and objectives. For example, I read about the emotion of disgust. In principle, I understood what it was, more than once I felt it myself, but I wanted to compare it with what others feel. I sit once with a girl in a cafe, I eat salad. My hand is on her knee, she is relaxed. Suddenly I say: “Phew, it seems the worm is here!”. And although there is no worm in my salad, the next moment I feel so unpleasant, as if I really saw it.

Not without surprises. Once I ran into a drug addict under the high. And the drug addict, apparently, was already with experience, the brains completely melted. I thought I was passing out. Everything blurred in my eyes, my thoughts disappeared, just the feeling that you are falling all the time ... Or are you flying? At first, I was really scared, bounced off him like a scalded dog. And then I tried again. I was ready for what I feel, now I wanted to feel other nuances. I confess that I am not at all sinless. He himself smoked weed several times and tried LSD. But that is true, it was only a few times. Then I compared my feelings with alcohol intoxication, only more acute, or something. And now, “contacting” with a drug addict, I understood why people cannot get rid of their addiction. Although at first the sensations are really very scary, then you start to enjoy your “flight” and the emptiness that forms in your head.

If you ask me what was the worst thing that I had to feel, “contacting” with people, then I will answer that meeting with one schizophrenic. That's when the head is really porridge! By the way, then for the first time I felt physical pain during “contact”. For a long time I tried to understand why I felt it, because before that I could only feel emotional distress. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that such people do not distinguish physical pain from mental pain. Both one and the other bring them the same torment. Probably, I still felt the heartache of this man, but since he did not distinguish what was causing him pain right now, I also suffered a strong physical shock. And worst of all - even breaking off the “contact”, I did not soon come to my senses.

Strange actions.

Well, if you take my relationship with Vlad, then there were some changes. I understood him less and less ....