Chapter 7 Limit.

Then one day the day came that he divided Ivan’s life into “before” and “after”. He got into a small accident where he hit his head badly. At first I did not feel anything like that. Well, I spent several days at home, and I forgot. A few months later, the headaches returned. Once he even lost consciousness.

It was at home in the living room. His eyes suddenly darkened, and then he woke up on the floor. He was very scared because he felt that his end was coming. Sometimes my head ached so much that I wanted to die, just not to feel this pain. But the attacks passed, and Ivan pretended that there was nothing. But I began to treat my relatives with great attention, love, and understanding. He began to realize that in life neither money, nor power, nor recognition of society are of great importance. Only your children, family, loved ones, friendship are of real value. Ivan acknowledged that, despite the mad love for Alexander, he continued to love his wife Rita. After all, she gave him two children, she was with him in the most difficult years and did not reproach that she had to wear only boots for three years and eat potatoes and pasta, because there was not enough money for more. She also suffered for many years his character, spoiled by great authority, then forgiven his escape from home ... And what about the love of children! After all, they always loved him not because he was a rich businessman, not for his money and power, but only because he was their father.

Once he thought he was suffering, because Alexander did not reciprocate his feelings. But it is not, he responds. Sasha loves him sincerely and loyally, this love is just a little different from that of Ivan. Ivan needed Alexander all, both body and soul, but Alexander needed only Ivan’s soul, only his friendship, understanding, support and brotherly love. And finally, Ivan understood it then, at the rink, when he lost consciousness for the second time. He read in the eyes of a friend such anxiety as in the eyes of his wife, and maybe even more. Further events only confirmed this discovery.

Well, perhaps this is the best. Alexander appeared in his life, helped streamline thoughts, feelings, helped to find peace and tranquility in his soul. Now it’s not scary to die, now he knows that he’s not alone, that at least four people really love him and will remember him not as a tough businessman, but as a person who is worth loving, because sincerely loved them.

It remains only to streamline earthly affairs.

Ivan knew that his chances for recovery were scanty - the doctor told him that. We do not do such operations because of their complexity. And although Switzerland began to take on such patients a few years ago, no one could give a guarantee. They said that the odds were fifty-fifty, but Ivan had long ago accepted the fact that he was dying. He did not tell anyone about this. And he told his wife and children that he would definitely recover. Rita believed, because everything that her husband had promised to her up to now ñ did everything. And she believed because she loved very much and did not imagine that she could live without him. Especially now, when, finally, again I felt that he appreciates her and loves her as before.

Ivan did not speak to his wife, but Alexander could not help saying. It was too hard to lose a life when, at last, I realized that I had everything I wanted — I had everything, even the love of a man for whom I had no hope.

That evening, Ivan came with documents, and with instructions how and what Alexander should do after his departure, and most importantly, what he should do after his death. Yes, all this could be left in writing, but speaking in words, he just said goodbye.Ivan told himself that the words spoken with a smile and seemingly in between times should not hurt his friend greatly and should not give out what he had already given up, but in fact just wanted him to be sorry that he was the only one doing this during several years. Ivan needed sympathy, support, because, to be honest, he carried his burden with great difficulty. And the closer was the day of departure, the harder it was to hold on.

Sasha did not disappoint today. He was so genuinely surprised that the company completely passed into his hands, assured that he didn’t need anything, then he guaranteed that he would fulfill his request, but instead asked Ivan to assure him that he would recover, because he could not live without him. Ivan had the soul of Sasha's words, but what could he say? That everything will be fine? What will he recover? What really is not a big deal about having cancer? But Ivan himself did not believe in his recovery, and therefore could not assure his lover. Sasha felt that the words that Ivan would return were only words, but in fact he knew that they were seeing for the last time.

And then Sasha began to cry, and then asked Ivan to kiss him. For the first time, Ivan saw the tears of a loved one. So, Sasha really loves him, really afraid to lose him! It's bad that Ivan understood it only now. How much more would he feel happier all this time if he knew that their feelings were mutual and would not spend precious minutes jealous of women and offenses.

- What for? You have Sveta for this, ”Ivan said, but now not through jealousy, but because he suddenly realized that he no longer needed proof of feelings from Sasha in the form of kisses and caresses. Ivan saw this evidence in his eyes and in the fact that Sasha was crying. That's why he kissed him on the forehead, as he always kissed his children.

But now Sasha needed proof. He began to kiss Ivan himself, rather than just breaking his heart. Why is this? It's too late now, nothing can be changed. He leaves in a few days. Why Sasha did not do this when Ivan really needed these kisses!

But that pain and the despair that were transmitted with the kiss of Sasha, that request not to leave him, as if awakened Ivan. In fact, he did not want to die either, did not want to leave his children, his wife, his company, his beloved friend. He wanted all that he had, because only recently he began to live for real, to love truly.

Ivan began to respond to Sasha's kiss, to calm him down, to take away some of his pain, to give hope, because he loved him and could not allow him to suffer. But together with a kiss, he returned hope to himself. He knows how to fight, because his whole life does just that. Some kind of illness will not take away from him that which he had waited so long and finally received - happiness. Ivan promised it to Sasha, promised it to himself.

It was hard to fight poverty, it was not easy to fight for your business, Ivan knew a lot of heartache when he fought for Sasha. But the struggle with the disease is the worst that he had to go through. Fear shackled body and soul, causing paralysis of thoughts. I wanted only one thing - to run away somewhere, not to see this terrible medical equipment, not to hear these terrible words: diagnosis, surgery, tumor ... How it would be good if he did not go anywhere, stay at home with his family, would visit him Sasha, he would take pain medication and after a while he would simply die without fear and without this terrible struggle. But he gave the floor to his wife, gave the floor to Alexander, that he would definitely get better. And for this you need to endure. For their sake, if not for their own sake.

Now Ivan poorly remembers everything that was done to him before the operation. He obediently carried out someone's instructions, without thinking about what they meant, because the main thing for him was not to break down and not to run away. He did not remember the day of the operation either. But the dream will never forget. Ivan could not even tell when that dream had come to him, but considering how he ended, he assumed that during the coma he had seen him.

Sleep.

Ivan dreamed that he was in some strange space.It was light, but he did not see the sun or any other source of light. He could walk, but he did not feel the floor or the soil under his feet either. He looked around himself, touched his head with his hands, his body - everything seemed to be in place ...