/ The authors / Master carlos / Comments

Comment on publication: Lala Part 1

If constructive criticism is important and interesting to the author, then I will write a couple of lines.

To begin with, on the whole, the story very much pleased with its literary component, and, as commentators have already noted above, I liked the unhurried and measured development of the plot, without obvious jumps. Erotic (or porn) component of the story is also in order. For the above story I want to put the "top ten", but there are some flaws.

Description of the appearance of the main character at the very beginning of the story is written as clumsy as the schoolchildren write in the writings (though 90% of the authors of this site sin with this). I'm talking about a completely direct description of her appearance, and also indicating the digital indicator of appearance (3 breast size). Not only does it sound like a description of the goods in the online store, it also does not allow readers to turn around. Ideally, this can be described “in the course of the play”, by chance dwelling on some features of the girl’s body (which was done very beautifully later). Against the background of the rest of the beautiful descriptions in the story, this is exactly what really caught my eye.
The logic of the plot and the behavior of the main characters in several places is missing. For example, in general, judging by the names of the main characters, they are people "eastern" or, at worst, "southern". And among them, such depraved manipulations and cheeky behavior are definitely not taken. Although, if somewhere this is accepted, then I ask you to give a tip, I immediately ragged there, to this ideal world.))) The following is a reaction, though depraved, but inexperienced GG to the first “lap”: continuous accessibility and licentiousness, without any resistance.

But my comments are aimed only at improving the already excellent story. I look forward to its continuation.

• Rating: 1

Comment on publication: Lala Part 1

I haven’t read the story yet and don’t agree with the author’s harsh and inadequate answer to you, but still: the story tags imply a “walking wife” and a “cuckold husband”, if you are so uncomfortable with these extremes, then why read the story in which they make the main theme?

• Rating: 1

Comment on publication: What dreams lead to

Thank you for the nice feedback, glad that the new work also found its audience.)

• Rating: 3

Comment on publication: What dreams lead to

Well, I know your tastes, for you it is really too “easy”)
As he said, about “Vacation” and other stories - there are a lot of ideas, but very little free time. I remember about the readers' love for the “Holidays” and sooner or later, I hope, I will please everyone with a qualitative continuation.
P. S. I liked the phrase about “the author put his heart into the story and tried very hard”)))

• Rating: 1

Comment on publication: What dreams lead to

Thank! I am glad that I still remember, and even so waiting for my stories)
This one was written by order of one of the readers. I decided not to split it into parts like the others, but to lay it out right away. I understood that this “crushing” is needed only for rating and popularity. And I’m not chasing either.)
But in this form it is more convenient for readers to view it.

• Rating: 2