1 *** (like a prologue)

The wind whirls over the plain

And sweeping ground,

February was cold and winter

That dashing military year.

The rate of the main fascist,

The regiment of the guard at the gate,

And in the corner, by the world map,

The Fuhrer Bormann fucks:

- Oh, you, myna Kleine Schweyne!

How dare you come in without knocking ?!

Well, what if I'm here izvolya

Fraulein to Eve?

- You can not understand that,

Donner Werter! Gott mit uns!

What does this have for Eva

It will be shaped embarrassment!

- Do not be angry, oh my Fuhrer! -

In my mouth I'm a fucking asshole! -

But it seems to me, going on

In our bunker mess:

- SchA go down the hall,

And to meet herr one, -

In a hat with a red star

And with a medal on his chest!

- I'm seeing that picture,

Right on the spot ohuel

And that Herr, walking past,

About "Instant" sang a song!

Sang about the fact that like bullets

Dust rising in the temple

Fly those moments -

Like Kobzon! In Russian!!!

Then Adolf burst out laughing:

- Well, Borman, well, bullshit,

With a fright crap, -

Well this Stirlitz - our spy!

Look at the calendar

And open your eblo,

After all, the Russian holiday today -

Twenty-third number!

2***

Well, Stirlitz at that moment

In his room fell into,

In the ass drunk lay

Under the table, radio operator Kat.

On the table, among the bottles

And the remnants of the grub,

All crumpled lay

Telegram from Moscow.

He unwrapped the telegram,

The text solemnly read,

The phrase brief sounded

Simply:

- Stirlitz! You are a goat!

Then he stood in the room "quietly"

Shouted - Heil! - poured a glass,

There is a reason for joy -

After all, "Hero" received!

Having supplied already pretty,

Can drink, what can I say,

I tried to Stirlitz

Kat radio operator fucked off.

Well, Kat, that all moaned,

- “Mu”, yes - “Mu”, - completely in an arc,

What to do with it, bitch drunk?

“Okay, after otheb.”

In the meantime, for fun,

- Look, damn it, got drunk,

Kat put an antenna in the ass

And I went to contact with Moscow.

“Alex” to “Eustace” calls out:

- "Eustace", bitch, what is silent?

Or you, too, piss off

And now there is a sweet sleep?

Here and "Eustace" responded:

- “Alex”! Round idiot!

Do you have a turnout in the toilet?

Why shit carries?

- Here you are, excited,

Al not sniffed you bzdushka?

Just Kat in a dream vzёbnulsya, -

Well, I flipped slightly!

- I'm calling you on the case,

Our must tell you

What is Colonel M. Isaev

Glad to receive rewards!

What further also honestly

It will be your duty to perform

What he said: - I serve the Union!

Got it? Fuck you in the mouth!

All fucked up! Walk there further

Drink the same for me

For my girlfriend - Katka,

Okay, Heil! - Until!

That's because, bitch, bad luck,

Like a holiday in the yard:

- Kat! - silent, lame nag,

There is no one for me:

Then it dawned on him:

- How could I suddenly forget?

After all, Herr Muller is bored there,

We urgently need to visit!

Grabbing a bottle of schnapps,

Stirlitz went out into the corridor

And a slow gait

To gruppenführer popper:

3***

The Gestapo chief at this time

Wearing glasses on the nose

Report reads -

With the decryption brought.

Can not understand anything

All solid ebuki,

- That's because the Russians are blunt: -

Here go, at least understand:

Then the door opened with a bang,

Not flying off the loop,

Stirlitz enters smiling

Muller in anger: - Ohhuel ?!

- Well, I drove a bit to the guard,

Well, he opened the door with an eblom,

And what am I supposed to do,

If I forgot my password?

- Well, that there, do not swear,

If this is the first time:

- Take out the glasses better! -

Look! Got pussy schnapps!

Muller smiled slyly:

- Schnapps got it? - Well, pour:

- You say "Hero" gave? -

Well, and this is a bad thing, you need to sprinkle it,

- Come on!

- Heil! Prozit! Friend Stirlitz,

Death to the enemies! You're doing fine! -

In the Fuhrer's bet you booze:

Who would say: Vasche fucked up:

- Yes, I forgot, there is a problem:

Here is the encryption: Look:

- Learn? Are you fucking?

Try it yourself, sort it out:

- Well, well, let's see:

Who wrote? Gee:

- “Center, Center, vodkas,

and the Gestapo zaebla! ”

- Here you are, Stirlitz, and got caught!

Only Russian could read!

I'm in a moment a guard,

And you go under arrest!

- I?! - Send b fuck you, Muller!

We do not take for nothing

I am niht fershteyn, I do not understand!

This is an alibi, donkey!

Immediately Muller felt sad

Ah yes Stirlitz, ah scoundrel,

From all find excuse

What to do - a major spec!

- Well, Stirlitz, everything was hushed up,

That test was,

Well ... pour another glass,

Service: - in the board zaebla.

- Well pour, we are in a jiffy,

Heil! Prozit! Come on,

Soon they were hard,

And fell asleep at the table.

4***

Morning, bunker, huge hall,

World map all in checkboxes

We see the globe on the legs,

In general, cool entourage.

This is a meeting room,

All sat down at the table,

The Fuhrer enters, slightly wrinkled,

- Gathered? Well, let's start:

- To begin, we will see

Reports from the fronts:

- Fuck !!! Are we retreating again ?!

We fuck like schoolboys ?!

The Fuhrer got angry all over,

Eyes menacingly flashed:

- Where is the secret weapon? !!!

So that I otbebal Russian?

Some marshal jumped:

- Heil! Yavol! Here are the blueprints!

Soon everything will be ready -

The designer reported to me!

- Tak: Let's see: What is this?

And what is this nonsense ?:

Circle: Ruffles: Cuffs:

Codpiece:? Lyamochki: ?? Braid: ???!

The Fuhrer is clearly misunderstood:

- Can give here all pussies?

Are you a fucking kind?

Well this is a pattern from "Burda" !!!

- Brilliant! Oh, my Fuhrer!

We will break all the enemies!

Well, hold on, Comrade Stalin,

This is a panties pattern!

- Our brave soldiers,

What are fighting on the fronts,

Will pussy foe

In armored shorts!

- made tests

I personally wore them myself,

Exceeded all expectations!

In my ass shell hit!

- No dick happened to me!

Here I stand before you,

Gott mit uns! Sieg Heil, my Fuhrer!

We will win all in battle!

And suddenly there was a mess in the doorway

All ears protection:

Covering all ebukami

Stirlitz enters: - Guten Tag!

Smiles sarcastically,

Camera in hand,

- What, fascists, blya, did not wait? -

SchA everything will be like in kin!

Pushing generals

Sneaks to the table:

- Come on, fat, hear, move!

Give me a paper shoot!

- Shine on: Dick what you see:

Tak: Now in general openwork,

Oh, my Fuhrer ?: Did not notice:

I finished - all Bon Jour!

How ...

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