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on the sofa. I'm hunting again. I'm a predator. My movements are smooth, but aggressive.
I'm almost in his lap. He is close, dangerously close. My chest is dancing in front of his face. I feel his excitement. It fills the space, and the victim will not leave.
I pull up his T-shirt and in one motion I pull over my head.
He has a lean body. Not thin, namely dry, lean. Without a gram of excess fat. And without blown muscles. But each is clearly visible. He definitely keeps himself in shape.
Light from above emphasizes breast relief and a flat stomach with characteristic cubes. I like his body.
I glide over his thighs. I feel the hard bump of his vulnerable spot.
He puts his hands on my hips. It seems that such a pose is familiar to him. I continue the characteristic movements. His hands touched the ass and walked on the back. He barely touches the fingers of my body. I knowingly paid attention to them. For me run goosebumps. It focuses between the shoulder blades, on the “feline” place. My skin is sweating.
He presses me to him, diving his face into the hollow between the breasts. I can feel his lips and tongue on my skin.
His hands are already in front. He swept the palms of his chest. Just a little bit, but the strength of his hands pierces my body, forcing my back to arch.
How does this tenderness of touch combine with the power of grasp? Definitely, I would like to find out in detail.
He looks up at me. Now I have goose bumps from his one glance.
- What's your name?
- Katya.
What?!!!
- Say it again.
- Katya.
Come to your senses !!!
- I want you, Katya.
Not!!! I'm Carrie, Carrie, Carrie! And you are a goat! What are you pawing me ?! I hate it when they paw! At home wives of their lapa! God, why did you make them such goats? Get your hands off! Clean, clean, clean !!! You want me?! And I only want money, do you understand ?! You?! Can you understand that ?! Do you have enough brains ?!
He seemed to feel my rage. Leaned back on the couch. Stretched out on his back arms. He looks at me evenly and seems to be with a slight longing. As if waiting for this wave covering me to leave.
This glance reassured me for some reason. And even shamed. Why did I attack him? Well at least, not out loud ... He's a normal guy and says he thinks. I wanted to feel his hands on my body again.
I leaned so that one nipple walk on his lips. He did not catch his lips, only subtly touched his tongue. It was not a tongue, but a bare, live electrical wire. And this voltage struck me with a short circuit. It seemed that the nipple will now begin to smoke.
I led the body to the other side, offering my other nipple. He wrapped his hands around his waist again and immobilized me. My nipple was in his mouth, and something incredible was happening to him.
I liked his hands on my ass. Strong hands that hold you tight. I sank down on them, like a chair. Fingers digging into the skin.
Fool, what are you doing ?! You can be fined for this! Well, let! Today, the money still does not add up.
The second song was ending.
- Our time is up.
- So fast? - he was disappointed.
- Unfortunately...
I completely lost my head as I leaned over his lips and kissed her. The lips were warm and moist. With a tart smell of tobacco. He touched me only with his lips, but he filled me completely.
Kiss nicely. Oh, where have you been before, my boy! God, what a night!
We again sit in the hall on the couch. We smoke hookah. I did not immediately notice that no one is changing the disposable tip on the mouthpiece. We are talking. Rather, he tends me some of his stories. I laugh heartily. I feel good
- Katya, shall we see you again?
- If you want.
- Outside the club.
- Yes.
- How can I find you?
- Call me. My number is 095 ...
- Katya, I will call.
You call, I know.
- Do you know when you realize that you met your man?
Maybe I already met him?
- when?
- When you have no reason to give someone your phone number ...
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solid philosophy and a drop of erotica
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Well, what is the philosophy here? Rather, the series from the category of "the rich, too, cry." Here you can call it: dancing-fucking - these are our native people! Here, how did a pure-innocent little lamb fall into this nest of debauchery (only pasta on the ears about dying mothers, sisters, grandmothers)? As well as what does the mysteriously perceptive, physically hardened, mentally savvy handsome man do here? And ... probably create a commercial for a striptease institution. And they will go hand-in-hand through life, radiating happiness and joy !!!
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Eugene, where did you see the series here? ;)
What about the lamb - and what did you decide that it is pure innocent? She's a stripper! Innocent there just want to seem.
Well, handsome, you did not please, but sorry, I tried))
Well, if you are honest, this story is an experiment. I wanted to speak from a woman’s face, I wanted to take a step towards the question “What does a woman think?” I, of course, are not Maugham and not Coelho, but I have a right to try?
But did it work out ... That's the whole question, the answer to which I would like to receive from the female audience))
Thanks for the tip !!
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And why did you decide that I did not like it? I liked it, and the characters are normal. Oh, it hurts seriously You react to my irony. Yes, I did not pour the balm, women will do it perfectly: get out, Aelita is the first ... And, the series, of course, is not in form, but in content. Russian Don Pedro + our Juanitochka = a sea of passion and an ocean of torments! ...
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Eugene, why seriously? I ponastavil so many brackets!)))
But this is the first paragraph. And in the second - yes, I confess, I asked for a balm, I will not do it again)
But I am sincerely glad that you liked the story! Thanks for the feedback!)
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Dear author! I also saw the show here :)
But! The thing is, I am a fan of TV shows :))) Your story is exactly what I’m always looking for here, but alas, I find it very rare and therefore I write myself :))) I SO LIKED it that I didn’t notice typos and punctuation errors. THANK!
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Thanks for the feedback. I am very glad that you liked the story. I have nothing against sex, but quite the opposite, but I believe that there is a right on this site for stories without the process itself, if a certain emotional level is reached.
And these typos, for example, expanding hair, I also see, but they have an unpleasant feature to catch the eye already in the published version, but for the time you're reading it out - they sit quietly, like mice.
So the bugs still work and work)
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I'm surprised you Nefertiti! You, as always, saw something where there is nothing. Can you explain what could you SO LIKE in this PORN STORY? The second big letters are mine. Thank you in advance!
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Dimm13!
In my opinion, I quite clearly explained, THAN I liked this text. I really love TV shows :) Stupid, maybe, but ... And this text has all the features of the series. Although I understand that there is something to work on. But I was touched by the heroine :) In addition, there is not that unbridled inherent in porn. And this, from my point of view, is also a plus. I love candid scenes, but only in the case when the soul is behind the physiology, is psychology. Here the heroes have a soul.
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Nefertiti, would be grateful if you described in detail what we need to work on here. I lack constructive criticism :)
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Even prostitutes want to believe in the tale of Cinderella)))
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That's it))
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And I liked the story. To add a little philosophy to eroticism, to make sex not just a mechanical process, but something more, to reveal the personalities and desires of the characters, to see real people invented by people - this is a good idea.
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Thanks for the feedback. I am sure that part of the audience does not come here for retelling pornorolikov. Your comments confirm this)
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Great story. Touched to the very "depth of the bones" (without irony). Did not find something to complain about.
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Aelita, thanks for the feedback. Your "nagging" always on business. I would love to hear a reasoned critic)
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H. The author, you have a great style envy. But ... where is the sex? Where is the sex? Here is porn, and uvas one nipple and all? This is a story for prose ru, and not for my beloved PT. Then, what is it, explain to me the peasant of the girl, "the hard bump of his vulnerable place"? Let me tell you some secrets, if hard, then not a hillock, if a hillock, then not a hard. You call yourself a favorite as you like, buns, done, berries, etc. But you read and when you come across this, excuse the girls, the mood immediately falls.
And you, SW. The author is very fascinated by psychology in this story. Particularly finished off the phrase: "We are passengers in the same car, but in different directions." Fuck in the story about a poor abandoned student, attempts at a deep philosophy, in which the author managed to get confused to the third page ?! I do not understand what could be like here. Three, the topic is not disclosed, for more does not pull. For grammar, I do not judge, I myself am a sinner, here I agree with you one hundred percent. Write something unpretentious, for people, not for a handful of fans of brainstorming.
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Dimm13, thanks for the feedback. I waited for about this comment. And I can not partly disagree with you - my story does not fit into the topic of porn stories. Above in the comments I have already explained my position on this matter.
I have not read your stories, since the topic “under duress” is not very interesting to me. But I see that the ratings of your stories are higher than mine, so I really appreciate your attention to my “writing”.
About the "knoll". Why has your mood dropped? A man in jeans, even with the most outstanding anatomy and the highest degree of arousal, will see nothing but a “hillock”. I wrote from the perspective of a woman.
About the "passengers in the car." I sincerely want to understand where I got lost. If you can - explain in detail. My position - women are very contradictory in their assessments and motives. And the phrase "we are in different directions" is just about that.
To sum it up - yes, this is not a porn story. But emotions should cause no less strong. In any case, I would like that. It is just a story for a specific audience, for which sex is not an end in itself, but a natural continuation of the mutual sympathy that has arisen.
Therefore, I would hardly be the author of "something unpretentious"
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Sorry, I transferred the style to the author, got caught. Ha. Rating is nothing to do with. This is you for nothing. This is a good coincidence, no more.
About a hillock, a hard hillock killed the last remnants of tension, therefore I wrote on emotions. About passengers - I wrote in a comment, When I got through through psychology, I met such an abstruse phrase, stopped, and began to think about it. Here is the impression and wrote. You see, you “deceived me”, instead of having a rest, then what people come here for, you made me work. That's what this is about.
And the last thing to write stories on this site for a specific audience, a separate, very small, is not correct. There are other formats for this.But incidentally, we will not litter our site with our discussion. Want to argue, write in a personal:
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Dimm13, I do not want to argue with you, because your point of view is quite reasonable and has the right to be. As well as mine))
Everyone has different tastes, so you will not please everyone. Someone liked this story, someone - no.
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I read the story and at the request of the author I will express my opinion on it.
1. The amount of sex is zero. However, you did not want to describe it. Others have already spoken about this.
2. No matter how offensive, but the share of eroticism, in general, is also close to zero. The story does not even try to excite, but simply loads the reader with philosophy. The only erotic scene turned out to be as faded as the pole dance.
3. To be honest, I strongly wanted to close the story on the first page. As they used to say - "niasilil". Darkly depressive atmosphere of a nightclub, a girl who, when looking at people, sees only bucks. Could save the full erotic description of the dance at the pole (no pornography, pure erotic), but it is not. My personal advice is to hit the reader with an exciting butt on the head in the first five paragraphs, otherwise don't be surprised that you want to yawn.
4. About the quality of philosophy I, perhaps, say nothing - in the end, who knows what cockroaches? But the fact that the replicas are not allocated, intonation is not indicated at all, it is very sad. As a result, two robots speak varlonsky (they talk emotionally about some higher matters, which makes the reader want to fall asleep).
5. The idea of the story did not reach me personally. "Start. The two met in an open field, talked and parted. The end."
6. The characters turned out to be very faded (lack of emotion affects) and illogical. Stripper, which is not clear from what pereklinilo. To her, in theory, should ten times a day roll up with a variety of sentences, the girl should be taught to brush off. On the other hand, the boy, who, in the spirit of a desperate freshman, makes a load of the girl's brain, mentally praying to all the gods at once, that she spread her legs and help him lose her virginity.
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For that fought for it and ran))
It is not clear only by what criteria you evaluate the erotica and the emotional component. I, as the author, wanted to entice the reader with this. And for some reason you don’t see either one or the other in the story ...
I will not say anything about the idea either - since you don’t see it, there’s no reason to explain.
Thanks for the feedback!
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The idea - for the sake of what the story was written. In this case, for the sake of a dialogue between character 1 and character 2. Personally, I just did not see absolutely anything special in this conversation.
Erotica is a beautiful description of the female body, movements and sensations of the situation.
Emotional component - as far as the character is alive (reader's view of the character).
An example of erotica and emotional component. Excerpt from my work.
“This is what she likes in life - dance. When you can just catch the music and move under it. Feel the low bass sounds, tremble with them. Slide on the floor, throwing up their hands, leading them along bizarre paths, enjoying the very sensations of these movements. In the dance, she dissolved all, without a trace. She was almost no matter what it is playing - rap or trance. The main thing is that there was at least some rhythm that you can catch. She almost did not hear the music, its modulations, growths and abrupt cliffs. As well as did not pay attention to the slowly changing color under the feet, above the head, around. If Linda wanted, she could easily grab this color, cling to it, bend and twirl, like a child - her toy.
But she didn't care. All that remains is movements, sensations of one’s body.Linda felt her breath and could easily notice that it strangely follows a musical rhythm if she only paid attention to this rhythm. ”(C) sear23, 2004
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The idea of the story you did not catch. This story is a variation on Cinderella. A raisin is that the stripper found her love in circumstances that did not contribute to this at all. In the future, the main characters fell in love with each other, got married, lived together a whole life and died in one day. But after all not about this to write, really?
Excuse me, of course, but in the eroticism given in your text as much as the sex in my story) And the emotions - yes, it is transmitted perfectly.
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Sorry, without a vicious stepmother and two dur-sisters did not recognize.
The passage was written in 2004, I brought it exactly as an instance of emotional dance, in which at least somehow the character of the girl is seen.
You bet on the emotions in this story. But, unfortunately, not pulled erotica.
It was necessary to build a story, alternating the fiery dance (by changing the stripper's embedded emotions. Just dance - dance for a specific client - dance for the guy for whom there are feelings) and psychological “loading” (having invested four times more thoughts and memories of the girl).
You asked to write my opinion - you received it. You can write me down in the category “you will not please everyone” and forget. You can think about it and, possibly, avoid a similar mistake in the future. Your will.
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Why, I sincerely thank you for your opinion. Believe me, I wouldn’t ask you if I just wanted another praise. I like your criticism, both in relation to my story and others. I have no complaints about you, but on the contrary, a benevolent attitude.
You just wrote "an example of erotica and ...", but there is no erotica. From here and my misunderstanding)
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