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Comment on publication: Ride Part 1
And here to continue? The story is torn sharply. Without some miniature completion of any scene. This is first seen in his works. In the last sentence you could even put a comma.
Comment on publication: Ride Part 1
Moment, as always 10. Everything is fine, but what about the story? He somehow absurdly broke off.
Comment on publication: Cases bath. Part 6: The First Swallow
Er Mans,
I do not know who underestimates you. Personally for me, so all the parts deserve a ten.
Successes, write ESCHO
Comment on publication: Are you sure?
I also get such estimates. And I have a lot of ill-wishers who underestimate the total ball so that they put a count.
About the story.
Very raw, events are moving fast. Looks like a realistic, but you miss a lot of details. Description of the act, preludes. There are almost none. Everything is so trite and fast as in Spanish soap. But the story touches, or at least should.
Need to work on writing techniques. Where are the points, and where are the commas. And the right technique of dialogue.
- Are you sure what you want it? - asked wife
- Yes, beloved ... I do not know ... Most of all I want. Me, this wild excites! - I answered her, analyzing all the pros and cons.
You need to understand what you need to describe who says what to whom. This is not always clear, and it would be more convenient and interesting for readers.
But I will say this, this story is a classic one and usually catches readers, therefore I put 8 points for the ability to hook. Stuff your hand, read books, stories.
Do not look at the assessment, look at the views. And you chose this genre. Many people spit on the Sexwife genre and even though no one forces them to read, they still want to understate this fetish.
Comment on publication: Fuck it I'm ready. Part 1
the story of young guys.
Well, it does not cling, but a very lively situation. 10 points
Comment on publication: My business partners and my wife. Part 1
Instead of all these genres it was necessary to put one: fiction.
Too quickly events develop and too accessible lady. Too silent husband. Real life is different. Like 6 pages, but still everything develops with lightning speed and implausible.
I write stories myself, and many people like to show criticism to me because the old guard is watching. If this is a Sexwife theme, then do not expect mercy. This genre is seen for many through various embrasures and it is very easy to collect colas.
I will not advise myself to read, but the following writers would be a good example:
MIG
R2D2
Er man
Sibiryak
Vladimirg
Gifted writer
Lena V
heartless. wretch. ua
Comment on publication: With my wife at my friend's cottage. Part 1
In Yandex, drive in the name of the story and are looking for a sequel.
Comment on publication: With my wife at my friend's cottage. Part 1
Thanks for the feedback. This is the beginning of the story. 4 parts are planned :)
Comment on publication: Lala Introduction to Part 3
The author certainly write perfectly. Waiting for the continuation!
10+++!!!
Comment on publication: Lodgers
Someone underestimates you specifically. read, not even, swallowed up a few of your stories this weekend.
Bravo!!