behavior as male behavior. And what will happen in six months, how and with whom he will behave like a man - I do not know this and you do not know. My business is the side. I am absolutely not a supporter and not an opponent of the continuation of your relationship. I just want you not to make hasty decisions on Seva today. No external or internal oaths of loyalty. You have chosen half a year of separation so that your fate will judge your relationship. And it is better not to intervene now in the affairs of fate. That's all.

“Well, that's what we decided with Seva.”

- You have a little farewell in an hour. Let it be very calm, without any romantic passion-mordastey. It is very important. Do not try to code the future with declarations now. It will find you. Joint or separate. Just surrender to fate, not deciding for it.

- I understand all this. In general, today I learned a lot of important things for myself. And I am very grateful to you for this.

“I’ll think of my people,” smiled Irina.

Viktor Ivanovich, who came up from the depths of the camper, said that she wanted to go three together to Utrish the day after tomorrow. Viktor Ivanovich asked only: “With overnight stay or without?” Irina said that it would be visible on the spot. She explained to me that with an overnight stay it makes sense to go only if there are gatherings around the fire on the second or third lagoon there in the evening. And whether the fire will be the day after tomorrow, she does not know.

Soon, Seva and Pasha came up with backpacks: “Well, if that - don't remember us as dashing.” I put on a sundress and collected my things. The guys said goodbye to Irina, Victor, Vika and Yuri. The three of us set off along the coast to Blagoveshchenskaya.

Pasha delicately walked a little ahead of us. Seva and I were talking about the utmost trivia. The topic did not matter - intonation and views were more important. Nevertheless, I decided to ask one question that interested me very much:

- Seva, you said that after sex with Sonya you were annoyed that sex with Sonya was not like sex with Nadezhda.

- Well, he said. It really was. As soon as I moved away from an orgasm, I almost immediately began to find fault for some completely random reasons for Sonya. Because I could not get out of my head a constant comparison of her with Nadezhda.

- Tell me, but when I made you lips and you moved away from an orgasm, did you mentally compare me at this moment with Nadezhda?

Seva looked at me puzzled.

- You know, I did not compare you with anyone. There was no shadow of Hope. It was just you. I was just filled with gratitude to you and wanted to give you back what you did for me.

“So you really let Hope away from you today.” So the day is not wasted. So it is not yours anymore. Here she was and no. Flew away from you and lost strength. It just became a dead butterfly, the fruit of non-existence. Tell me, when I read Brodsky’s poems and looked at me so piercingly, whom did you see before you? Me? Hope? Something in between two of us? At that moment I had a feeling that I was in a portal between two worlds. Between being and non-being.

“When I read you the Butterfly, I myself seemed to be in a state of some kind of hypnotic trance.” As if time slowed down and everything around, except you, was muffled.I heard myself as if in the distance. There was a feeling of trying to reincarnate into something other than what I was before.

- How strange it all is. And I felt like a dead butterfly in your open hand. This is my powerlessness and lack of will was frightening. I tried to flush, fly away from you and from myself extinct. But nothing worked. She came to herself when others were already involved in the conversation. And while you read poetry, there were just you and me. Then I came to my senses.

Seva paused and changed the subject:

- How do you think Irina is against our relationship?

- Hard to say. She herself says that neither for nor against. Yes, I would not say that she intervenes against you. Rather, she does not want the relief of the outcome of our acquaintance with you. He does not want from the point of view of his personal experience. And her relationship experience is extremely interesting to me. I would take her master class.

- And I will be all over. Whatever the outcome for our relationship. Because in Irina there is harmony. And this is the highest judge in this world.

Our road was not close and took almost an hour. When we came to the boarding house "Malachite", the bus was already at a bus stop, but the doors were still closed and the driver was not. The metronome of our time began to count the last minutes and seconds. Seva and I sat down on the bench.

“You know, Seva,” I said, “when we part now, then let's just hug without kisses and words.” And then I'm afraid to break and cry. Just hug for a while and silently listen to each other. And then you will go to the station, and I will go to my place.

The driver came and opened the door. Pasha with the words: "Yes, everything will be fine with you!" I picked up both backpacks and got into the bus. All the passengers were already seated and the driver began to glance at us with Seva. We got up and hugged for a few seconds. I broke off the first embrace and led Seva to the door of the bus. She said: “Have a nice trip!” Pasha screamed at my window: “Goodbye, Nastya!” I waved to him. The doors slammed shut, the bus began to pick up speed and quickly disappeared around the bend. Turn of fate.