When I came home, I did not find a place for myself. Everything inside was literally ringing from some small pleasant itch. I wanted to jump from happiness and spin in place until I was dizzy, lean out of the window and shout so that everyone could hear. Eh, what a good day I had today, I couldn’t even believe it, and why didn’t I notice that there was such a pleasant air in our city ?!

It must be stupid, I now look with this constant smile on his face. Although, I even like the way I look in the mirror.

Who would have thought that Natasha had such a father? Well, again, that stupid smile.

And his eyes ... deep, serious, strong and for some reason dangerous, although still rather kind and attentive. Such a heady feeling when you are looked at and closely watched what you are doing ... When he watched me tying a hook on a fishing rod, it seemed to me that I was the most important person on Earth!

My dad never looks at me. And he has no time to talk to me. All the time is busy with this work. So sorry! Eh, how did Natasha get lucky with her dad!

And when he grabbed my hands from behind tight, when I stood on the edge of the bridge! God, my heart almost jumped out of a dangerous height, weightlessness, and a sweet feeling of helplessness and strong male hands holding me tight.

My dad does not touch me. Does not even touch. Never. I try to be a good daughter. I have not received a single troika at school. And now almost one of the five institutes. And I try to help around the house. I really try to be a good daughter. If only I knew how to reach him!

Oh, what a pleasant air around!

Damn, what is this itch all the time down. Hell, I know that feeling. It begins again. But I kept on for almost half a year. But no, I won't touch myself even now. Though hard. I promised to be good. Damn, shame about yourself.

***

I wonder how he felt it? Although, probably, it can be seen for me for the quarter. It's good that he walked alone on the street when we met. And it would be awkward in front of Natasha.

He held me again. Just below the elbow. And I looked into the eyes when we spoke. And I just disappeared.

Mom always hates men who have left the family. And I hated with her. But this is different. He did not abandon Natasha. Helps her. Though she lives separately from her and her mother. No, he's not like that anyway.

***

Bli-and-and-in. What a fool I am! Why did I tell him everything ?! Why did I even imagine that he could look somehow differently at me. I ruined everything again. I constantly damage everything! Heck. Heck. I want to gnaw my fingers. How I hate myself. What could he even find in this ugly? These shoulders, this belly. How can anyone even look at it! No one will ever love me!

***

I have almost come to terms with my misfortune. And my mother was right about such men. And I even started to get angry at him when he beckoned me and I ran like a little dog to him.

I was at his house. I was afraid that everything messed up and this is all not what I think. I was afraid that a dangerous and terrible thing would happen. And I could not wait for it. How my heart pounded when we were close, close to each other.

I wanted to get off the ground and start chattering about how much I love him and will be for the rest of his life and only him, and that he is the best in the world.

I had already opened my mouth to start ... but he already read everything in my eyes. I like an open book for him. He put his finger to my lips, so I did not even start.

And then it all happened. Only it was not at all the way I imagined or read in books.

I stood in the middle of his room. Barefoot, in panties and bra. And he sat in front of me and looked at me. If I am the subject in his room. I was trembling under his intent, intent and attentive gaze. And I was ashamed that I was so ugly. What is my usual underwear. It seemed to me that I was naughty and guilty. I tried to read in his eyes whether he liked me or not.

The torment was over when I heard that it was beautiful. He said that I should go - - and when I took a step, I felt how everything in the lower abdomen had reduced to the pain of tension.

***

I can't breathe when he's not around. I miss his hands, his eyes, his voices. I choke with happiness when I'm with him. I seemed to have found the missing piece of the mosaic of my life, in which there are so many colors and sounds now. How did I live without him before?