I declare categorically! I do not pretend to authorship! I heard this story many times. And in the tabloid press read repeatedly. But somehow I happened to be in the company of already fairly aged participants in amazing events who recalled those distant times with great warmth. And so, at the risk of being accused of plagiarism, he nevertheless decided to present his version.

70s now past century. Western wharf wall of the Middle Harbor of the glorious city of Kronstadt. There were mostly snow-white handsome ships of science. Research vessels. So they called us. Over the hill, they were simply dubbed spy ships; in fact, they were. It was there that I heard this story for the first time. By the way, some of these former snow-white beauties still rot in the same place. And while they rot the story, this is still overgrown with new and new details.

First you need to tell a little about these very ships. The crews on them were huge. Man under two hundred. Sailors are not many. Mostly scientists engaged in various studies. Spread these vessels around the world, studying everything. They were reluctant to go to foreign ports for obvious reasons. And their flights were exorbitant in duration. But any ship has its own autonomy of navigation. How not cool, but still sooner or later have to go to the port to resupply.

So worked one of these snow-white workers in the area of ​​Oceania. For more than six months he worked. And the road home even in the future was not viewed. And, as is known, in Oceania there are so many wrecks that it is impossible to count. Here is one of these islands and went to a research vessel to replenish stocks.

The island is tiny. But there is a port. Rather, not the port, and the pier. Quite more correctly, not the pier, but the piles that remained from the second world war, when the Americans fought the Japanese in those parts. Here to these piles the ship was moored.

This is where it all started. A whole delegation of decorated Aborigines climbed aboard and asked for an audience with the captain. Two hours later, the delegation left the ship, and the ship’s captain ordered the entire crew to assemble in the mess-room.

So the sailors never saw him. The eyes on the forehead and sparkle unhealthy sheen. The people have already thought about everything. Even if the war had begun, they would have been less surprised. Here is what the captain issued:

The island has developed an acute demographic problem, due to its limited size and the fact that all the few people are close and distant relatives. Children are born with developmental disabilities and health problems. The real threat of degeneration!

And the king of this island (and this he was with his retinue) simply begged the captain to let the crew go for a week for “a decent rest”, in return promising to fill the ship with fruits, provisions and gifts. And times were nasty. For every sneeze reports in the office had to write. And, here ... One denunciation and everything!

“We’ve been standing for a week due to involuntary repair,” the captain squeezed out his painful decision.

And the crew rested! Took amazing. Fed and watered so that the state was fantastic. Ecology, probably ... Yes, and the Russians, if they get involved in something, they will definitely show heroism.

One drummer, who was a guest in a respectable family, depriving two charming twins from innocence, returned the youth to his mother, and helped them to fulfill their royal decree to their grandmother in farewell. The grateful father of the family personally escorted him to the ship.

The junior research assistant got no more, no less, to the royal harem.It's nothing you can do! Royal will! The fate of the people was decided! Another conscious citizen of the island in the knee of the elbow posture performing the highest will that she screamed louder, giving strength to the savior of the people, other wives, impatiently waiting in line, tortured mercilessly.

Of course, it was impossible to release everyone from the ship at the same time. The watchkeeping service must remain in place. But before the law, everyone is equal! The chocolate beauty with a fodder compartment of incredible size, by the way from the royal family, brought to the ship a whole crowd of unconnected conscious citizens. While they smoothly spread through the cabins, several sailors at once invited the chocolate beauty to take a steam bath in the bathhouse that had just been heated up. The guys did not take into account the possibilities of women who grew up in the tropics and accustomed to the heat. She so evaporated them in this very bath that a week later departed.

But, as in any responsible business, it was not without annoying blunders. One solid specialist, apparently for the sake of a scientific experiment, decided to try the anal component of the process. For which he was trivially beaten by his relatives, who had escaped to the cries of a patriotically-minded citizen and were driven out in disgrace. And right! I had to understand the responsibility of the task.

But mostly the crew tried conscientiously. The Russian fleet was not disgraced! What, what, and Russian sailors are always ready to help.

A week later, the ship went to sea. Accompanied him by the entire population of the island. The farewell was warm and touching. Not deceived and the king. All the provisions were packed with fruit.

Finally, the crew worked this long and difficult flight. The vessel returned to its native harbor. And even regular “drummers” didn’t knock, for only a male representative with the lack of sexual characteristics could resist such a feat. Yes, even after six months at sea. On this was the calculation of the captain.

But trouble usually comes from where you least expect it. It would be better if the king was an ordinary savage. And he is in Europe at the university studied. A year later, this happy king in a fit of gratitude, through diplomatic channels, tapped a telegram to Moscow itself !!! With immense gratitude to the heroic crew from a rescued people! With a strong request to state leaders to note the most distinguished! By name And noted! She earned a machine of repression, depriving the honored academic positions and degrees. Heads of solid fathers of families flew ...

But I wonder how things are now on this sunny island? How many years have passed.