In our glorious southern town, the word “sex” has long been a no-brainer. Although the city is provincial and small, but the XXI century was doing its job, we had Internet cafes, massage salons (superficial and deep), prostitutes, pimps and even sex shops. All residents were surprised when in the very center of the city, on the street named after Contraception (the former name of 26 Baku commissars), an institution appeared “Petting salon“ Uncle Petit ".” I can’t vouch for the correctness of speech in the dialogs below, we say in the town who is in Russian, who is in Ukrainian, and who is in a mixed language. In no case do I want to belittle the merits of any language, do not in the least mock Ukrainian language.

Most likely, the language we speak is our own, special, containing a bizarre mixture of Russian and Ukrainian words. But we understand each other perfectly and we are not confused by the diversity of our speech. I will make one more reservation: I also do not want to stir up interethnic hostility with my own story. The fact that my characters drink gorilka and eat fat, still does not say anything. Not my goodness. In our town a nigga alive, so he calls all the vodka gorilka and bacon loves how ... how ... Well, you know, like someone. And one leader of the Chukchi, as is known, lives in London, bought a football club for himself. So much for the Chukchi! Although no, he himself, it seems, is not a Chukchi at all, but ... And I will refrain again, I will not speak without any allegations. One more note. You can say: “Do not drive! Now everyone knows everything about sex, and no one asks such stupid questions like in your story. ” I object: “The chastity of our town is not yet completely fucked up, so our residents can ask the most naive questions. We have such naive girls and married women - well, just lovely! But, no, I won’t tell anyone where it all happens, otherwise fraera, hanuriki are cheap, Katsaps or, worse, Muscovites, and all the raspberries to us, local peasants, about ... Still do not believe that "there are women in Russian villages? However, believe it or not. ” Something I digress.

So, after the appearance of the "Salon ..." they went to gossip about the city:

- And sho tse take - petting? It does not hurt? Not dangerous? Where is it? Is it in ... or in ...? That shopping is understandable. I myself like to do on weekends shopping.

- Yes, I also got used to shopping. Uh, yes, my time on weekends only shopping is awesome. Enema does, then lard smears and shopping, shopping. And hto this uncle Peter?

It soon became clear that “Uncle Peter” is the owner of the salon, Petr Petrovich H. I will not call him a name for reasons of ethics. I can only say that he was brought to the Union from Spain as a small child, and in fact his name was not Peter, and not even Peter, but Don Pedro. At present, of course, you can live in Russia with the Spanish names Pedro, Conchita, and Julio, but you can't find jokes from those around you. For example, an anecdote: "And now, at the request of radio listeners, sings Julio Iglesias, which means" Well, what are you, Iglesias? " everyone was Pedro, and for the female Conchita), Don Pedro became Peter Petrovich, and for the name of the salon it was the trustworthy “Uncle Peter.” Having learned that the people were intrigued by the concept of “petting,” Petr Petrovich, having received the appropriate permission, installed near his places a booth and placed information on it. In the meantime, those interested in the stand began to hang out. As always, the most active were women, but among them there was one boy, a student by sight.

- Hey, front! Read out loud, from here nothing is visible. Hey, lad, well, yes, you, in glasses, student, read.

- Ok, I read!

"INFORMATION

for clients

(taken from the source http: // sex. kurianov. ru / petting. htm)

PETTING (eng.petting), deliberately obtaining an orgasm by artificially stimulating erogenous zones under conditions of bilateral contact, which excludes direct contact of the genitals. ”

- Stop! Wait! Can you speak Russian?

- Here it is written in Russian.

- And do you understand something, sho filled up?

- Yes of course.

- Well, translate for us into normal Russian :). Well, sho such an orgasm, of course, this is konchalovo. And deliberately getting an orgasm? Intentional killing is understandable. And the orgasm?

- Well, it means that from two to N people are going to get an orgasm and are engaged in petting.

- Shaw Take En Man? You're not the brains here. And “artificial excitation of erogenous zones under conditions of bilateral contact,” tse sho?

- Well, this is when your husband or friend, being with you alone, starts stroking you, caressing in such secret places that it becomes pleasant for you.

- In such hidden places? In the bushes near the river, or what?

- No, in your intimate secret places that are usually closed with clothes.

- And, is this when a boob, thigh, ass, or 3. do you rub - are you teasing? Is this patting? So we have this petting in the tram in full during rush hour, like a sho, right under the skirt they climb, and well, pinching your ass! So, when a woman with a man is sitting, he strokes her mande, and she touches him - is this two-way contact?

- Yes. And about the tram you remembered correctly. Only there, as a rule, the natural excitation of the erogenous zones is obtained. For example, they will press a man to a woman, and he feels her hot body through his clothes, and he gets up, of course. And she feels that he gets up, and may also be excited.

- Yes, what esteemed aroused by a tram, boy? I think of the current, how to get to my bus station without access. Meni at the tram recently squeezed from all sides, but hto, I don’t know even hto, it was impossible to turn my head, under the skirt, into panties I climbed up with my hand and such a pickling with two fingers erected there, I finished two times! Out of the tram, and on the thighs flow! Well, okay, I was distracted. And the erogenous zones, this sho - tit-pussy-ass, huh?

- Yes. Breast, genitalia, buttocks.

- So they would have written, metropolitan dolboboy, filthy Muscovites. With erogenous zones clear. And genitalia sho take?

- The genitals of men and women.

- Uy-her, # uy with 3. 14zda, is it? Oh, mudwinks, in Russian could not build. So, stop. Direct contact of the genitalia is excluded. This is sho, # uy in 3. 14zdu you can not lean?

- Yes.

- From, motherfucking fucking! This is the most pleasant thing for the Sacky. Okay, read on.

“Initially, petting was especially prevalent in those countries where, because of moral requirements and customs, the anatomical virginity of a woman was highly valued, and vice versa, where society tolerated premarital sex, the petting was less common. In addition to preserving the virginity of women before marriage, petting is also used to prevent pregnancy, prevent sexually transmitted diseases, to enrich and diversify sex life, to restore sexual activity when it is disturbed (recreational function). "

- Hear, here is the interesting. And then my husband’s magazines have been reading, and everything is in vain, I’m used to using cancer only. Shibko monotonous sex life. And more often because the bastard, a liter will eat and sleep, no sexual activity. I will get up with cancer, I stand, I stand, I wait, and he, as the TV set, with the backside, will startle and fall asleep! From, mandyuk! It means that we don’t let him sleep, let my tits and 3 rub back while the sexual activity is not restored. And I'm already so excited. Good thing, this patting!

- And where did they see anatomical properties? We now have girls in school still devstvennnosti lose. Around one premarital sex life. ...