- Why are you teasing? - Ivan was offended.

“Understand, Vanyusha,” said Baba Yaga, with heartfelt words, “the clitoris are not mushrooms, they do not grow on stumps.”

- I know that. I thought you would say something clever.

“Give him a clever man,” Baba Yaga grumbled, knitting her brow. - Here! On someone else's clit - do not open your mouth.

- Fie you, - Ivan was upset and cautiously tried to formulate his thought. - Or maybe it's you him ... that ... this ...

- What is this? - Baba Yaga was angry. - Why like what, so immediately Baba Yaga? I retired! She found work at home. Cottage building ...

“Excuse me,” Ivan, with fear, pressed his head into his shoulders, remembering Baba Yaga’s severe disposition.

- Previously, they wanted to offend Bony Foot, but now Baba Yaga the kidnapper of the Klitors will probably be magnified ?! - Baba Yaga continued already absolutely calmly. “Okay, don't be afraid, I am quick!” Although earlier for such words, I would put you in the stove.

- Who could have stolen the clitoris?

- Vedomo who, Koschey Immortal. Previously, he kidnapped girls, and now completely spilled, the clitoris began to steal, damned impotent.

Koschey the Immortal was known as a dangerous antisocial element, a mean keeper of stolen treasures and a cunning thief of beautiful women. He led a friendship with another criminal type - the Serpent Gorynych. Both of them were hostile to fairy-tale heroes and lived in hard-to-reach places.

- Eh, as I myself did not guess, - Ivan the Fool complained. - Thank you grandma for good advice. I will go to clitoris to rescue the clitoris.

- To be with Koschey, you have to be cool! - Baba Yaga smiled slyly.

- Ha! Cool! A soft-boiled egg and everything, ”Ivan the Fool objected cheekily.

“Koshchei the Immortal besides this, there are still false eggs,” warned Ivan Baba Yaga. “Boy, don't mess with the eggs!” And then you can lose yours!

“Would you help me, grandmother, to get to Koshchei,” Ivan the Fool asked.

- Do you have money?

Ivan the Fool, silently, twisted empty pockets.

- Sorry, good fellow, I'll have to send you too. Then piss off.

Baba Yaga quickly shoved Ivan the Fool out of a hut, which deftly and quickly turned around. And Ivan went to a dark forest. There was no road. Some animal trails. I'm tired. Out in the clearing. He sat on a fallen birch and curled up. The clitoris is not found. Lost. There is not much time left, but there is still a splinter in his finger dug.

- Damn you! - from the heart cried Ivan the Fool.

- What are you pleased? - politely asked a cheerful male voice.

- Who is there? - scared Ivan the Fool.

- What do you mean who? - the male voice was indignant, remaining within the limits of politeness. - Heck! At your service.

A moonbeam made its way through the clouds, illuminating the clearing like a spotlight beam. A man in an elegant dress coat with a butterfly came out from behind a pine tree. He stood in the center of the light spot. Black, thick, slightly curling, hair was slightly disheveled. A sly smile froze on her face. Fashionable glasses sat elegantly on the nose. There was a thin mustache and a small beard under his nose.

“Ivan,” Ivan the Fool thoughtfully introduced himself, looking at the stranger doubtfully. “If you damn it, where are your horns and tail?”

“My horns are telescopic, and my tail is hidden in my pants,” answered the devil condescendingly.

In a finger pricked. Ivan looked at his finger, trying to pull the splinter out.

- What are you looking for? - politely asked the devil.

“I am looking for a clitoris,” Ivan the Fool uttered wearily.

“You won’t find him here,” the devil said delicately, “you are a boy, as I can see.”

- Do you have a clitoris? - Ivan asked automatically.

“And I have no clitoris,” the devil replied, still smiling, tenderly, “I am also a man.” Let me explain something. In men, the clitoris is not, and never will be. Clitoris is only in women ...

“You fool me for whom?” - Ivan the fool was offended, not wanting to listen to a lecture on the differences between boys and girls in a boring performance of the devil, and exclaimed in the hearts. - Go to the devil.

As soon as Ivan the Fool spoke these words, a black funnel arose with a loud bang, which sucked in the devil, who had time to grab Ivan by the hand. A loud bang was heard again and the men were in the fir forest, having fallen from a height of several meters. Ivan the Fool landed, as it seemed to him, on some kind of log.

- Why always send to me? - there was an angry voice from somewhere below. - I have that dump or warehouse!

“I'm sorry, he's a fool,” the devil nodded in the direction of Ivan.

“I see,” said an angry voice, a little puzzled.

- Who are you? - Ivan asked.

“And you stand up and find out,” came the angry voice from below.

Ivan the fool stood up. From under it came a short, tall bearded peasant. He was dressed in a caftan that belted a red sash. The left floor of the caftan is smeared behind the right, and not vice versa, as ordinary people wear. The shoes are confused: the right foot is put on the left foot, and the left foot is put on the right foot. His green eyes were burning like embers. The skin cast a bluish color. Twigs and leaves stuck in her hair.

- Bum! - Ivan was stunned.

- Why just a bum? - the peasant got angry again. - You are absolutely, urban, from nature broke away. While on the other hand, what to expect from a fool.

- Let's figure it out for three? - the devil in his hands suddenly appeared a bottle of vodka. - To establish, so to speak, contact.

“Yes, really, there was contact,” the goblins grumbled out, rubbing his hurt side and mockingly glaring with green eyes.

Not far from himself, Ivan the Fool noticed a stump the size of a small dining table. The devil put a bottle of vodka on his stump and looked questioningly at the goblin. He understood it from a half-look. Out of nowhere, came running beasts. Chanterelle sister brought glasses. Bear clumsy honey dragged. Squirrels peanuts piled up. Hare dragged cucumbers, carrots. The mole got out, put greens on. Less than a minute the table would be ready.

“Let's drink to the acquaintance and his friendly sequel,” the devil said a toast.

- Why did they come? - already not so angrily asked the devil.

“Behind the clitoris,” Ivan the Fool replied bitterly.

“I know every blaze here.” The clitoris is not here, - the goblin said. - Women come across, and so that one clitoris, this in my memory was not.

- His Koschey kidnapped.

“Listen to the story about Koshchey,” the goblin perked up. - Recently, Koschei, a famous miser, celebrated his anniversary, invited guests, gave them a drink and fed them, and when he got the bill, he was very upset. He took the poison, opened his veins, hung him around a neck, and sighed him into the water.

“What a terrible death,” Ivan the Fool was horrified.

- How so! Immortal he! - responded the devil. - Besides, I forgot where the cherished egg was thrust. And so he entered into a rage, making unsuccessful attempts to commit suicide, that he began to enjoy the process. Not to the clitoris to him now. Kayfuet!

“Let's drink to those who have the opportunity to have fun and do not refuse it,” the devil said again.

The men drank, tasted the dishes. The devil was a little drunk and deeply moved.

- And I have not been lucky since childhood! - the devil blew his nose in a handkerchief, stopped smiling. - I wanted in hell to improve the process of torment - to harass sinners with sounds. He got the violin. For safety, ears are plugged with tar. Only the violin was magic. She played so funny music that sinners forgot about their hellish torment and enjoyed themselves from the heart. When the lord of hell found out about this, he came to such a rage that he broke off my horns, tore off my tail and kicked me out of hell with kicks. Since then I wander around the world. Without a home. Out of work. Out of harm, good works do.

- Yes, really, history, - the devil sympathized, pouring vodka into glasses.

- Who then stole the clitoris? - in a low voice pondered Ivan the fool.

- Mon ami, where were you when the clitoris was stolen? The devil asked, once again in a good mood.

- That's how it was.Walked ... Read more →