I only need you one.
I hope you come back.
Let it be my fault -
I will justify your lie.
You will remain a deity
Angelly pure, holy.
I'll warm your magic
On mortal earth unearthly.
I will not grumble but pray
Although there is little faith in me,
About meeting silently sad
Under the sobs of rain in September.
From dawn to dawn
In dreams of the past, native
I'll leave the key at the door
In the vain abandoned house.
In place of all the things you find,
I treasure them.
Come back and make me shiver
I love you as before.
I gave a hint to Briand in the first stanza, and you in the last:
In the place of all things you will find
I keep them safe.
Go back and have my drak,
Dressed in a nude outfit.
Feel like rhyme fluttered? (Oh, I’m joking today)
By the way, in the first stanza too something is not right, the fourth line spoils the sound.
It would be better sounded:
-And this is my lie.
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Eugene! Regarding "dressed in a dress in the style of" Nu "." - It's awesome! Honestly. I just could not keep a smile. If you noticed, I do not sin much with verbal rhymes, but here I decided to leave, although I thought it was not entirely correct. And in your version, besides the fact that the rhyme is clean, so also the “verb” disappears. BUT! This radically changes the mood of the verse from the sadly lyrical, to the playful and intimate. And I liked this change even more! Sad poems, I will roll you as much as you want, but in order to end so unexpectedly and effectively, I did not think. Bravo!
I will analyze the first stanza later, while I will savor the final. As Soy said in the "Pokrovsky Gates." - This is the final? - This is a good ending !!!
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Eugene, this comment made your real poetic revolution in my backward, as it turned out, consciousness. I realized that the poem, despite its lyrical content, is much better read not with a “classic” sad ending, but with a spectacular ending that allows you to look at the situation described in the work from the other side. Two days I reread that I published earlier and rewrote a dozen endings. Not only the rhymes trembled, the stanzas and the verses themselves began to play. Once again, thank you very much and thank you very much.
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