on the bed, the body was still trembling, but for some reason I smiled, stroked his chest and whispered words of gratitude, but the main thing was no shame, I was even so cleaned. No, it is not cleared, they simply dropped the accusation that they touched the boy, as if she had betrayed her man, and just that, her man, her temporary, but master. It became easy on my soul, so easy that I spent another ten minutes, calmly recalled those moments in the bathroom. But I decided to divorce. This thought delighted me, so why then I suffered so much, I suffered so much for half a day, I have to make up my mind and tell Yurka about it, after that I fell asleep happily.

A day later Olya arrived, again with something dissatisfied, what kind of person would be glad that there is a son, that they help, her soul is gray, clumsy, and she looks at me as if she were biting, well, okay, to live like that. And then Yurik's parents arrived, they took Varya, they were bored, and they sent us to walk around the city, which I was just glad to, tired of sitting in four walls, but the main thing was that I was tired of idleness. Slavik surprisingly behaved just like a good boy, as if nothing had happened, he was joking, as usual he was cracking his tongue, and maybe there was really nothing, but no, this is not so, he is simply stronger, harder than me. We went to the cinema, the cartoon House, cool, I hadn’t laughed for so long, and everyone was trying to remember the words: you put the wand away and go outside. Surprisingly, rearrange the words in places, and they seem so funny, for a long time I have not laughed like that. In the cafe, I drank a beer, probably, I haven’t tried it for two years, my head immediately began to spin, everything turned pink, they smiled at me, I answered them, Yurik winked, and I whispered Slavik in my ear.

- Did you like it? - whispered so quietly that she barely heard.

“Yes, cool,” he answered with shining eyes.

“Fool,” I swore, “is there in the bathroom?” - blinked, trying to drill through it, but it is unlikely that I have now succeeded.

“Yes,” he replied with a hint as quietly as I asked.

“I will,” she slightly moved away from him, but it almost came over, “that is,” she hesitated a little and added loudly, “we must repeat it.”

Yuri understood my words in his own way, ran off and brought himself and me a glass of beer, I was not a fan at all, but today I wanted to relax, broke free, look at people, that's a miracle, nothing has changed, everything is like a year or two back, people run, fuss, buy unnecessary things and pretend that everything is as it should be. It's funny to look at all this. I sat and giggled, I don’t know whether it’s drunk or drunk from freedom, I can’t say it, but it was fun in my heart that’s all.

In the evening, Varya cried, could not fall asleep, Yuri growled and twitched, demanded that I calm her down, although in my heart, probably my motherly instinct suggested why the daughter cried, Olya looked at her evil all evening, and the child’s soul was open to everything, in the feed part of the negative. “Nothing, nothing,” I whispered to her, tomorrow everything will pass. And again the days flowed one by one, everyone departed, only Slavik left me in charge of what to do with him, Yuri left early, returned late, often he smelled of alcohol, justified that it was at the talks, for work , but I do not believe him, so often he has been deceiving me lately, and therefore I completely stopped believing him, he says, well, let him speak if he wants it, but I knew that it was a lie. Why do children tell the truth, and after they recite cunning, and already after lying, it’s not just adaptability to life, it’s just that - fear and nothing more and the more a person tells the truth, the more cowardly his soul will be.

If it were not for Varya, I would have already escaped, but I would like something else, something, so that everything would ache in my chest, so thin, so high that I could fly for a moment.I so wanted to, and when my daughter went to bed during the day, it was not so easy to lay her down, for that she could literally fall asleep on the threshold, and as they say, where it stays, it will lie there. I went to bed and started to dream, of course, I don’t dream of stupidity in the form of a yacht and car, this is a bluff of civilization, I dream of tenderness, love, and it so happens that everything usually comes to sexual fantasies. I can tumble on the bed, stroke myself, as if it does, he is mythical, that is, from the fantasy hero, my man, and I allow him everything, literally everything to do with me, well, except that I can not kiss myself. It is sad to admit that it is not in reality, but only my imagination, stroking my body, I undress, clothes bother me, fetter me. People already wear these cloths all their lives, it is worthwhile to put them on you since childhood and a person like a doomed wears them day and night, and then they make this an addiction in the form of fashion, they give you everything to cover your sagging, covered with all sorts of boils body, but you polish your face so thoroughly that after looking at the body itself, you distort you and in fear, as soon as you put on yourself, covering up all evil with your favorite rags, rags and rags again. I love to go naked when there is no one at home, it is so free, unusual, but the main thing is easy and natural.

I lie down on the bed and stroke myself, a light, barely noticeable moan, he himself is already pleasant, but you do not hear him, but only feel his frequency, the vibration that passes throughout the body and warms it. The languor, the joy in the chest from touching the body, the fingertips glide over me and you involuntarily shudder, the thin spruces of noticeable hairs bend, the sensation of heat, you feel, but it is not you, and not him, everything mixes right away and can no longer understand , who are you in fact. The feeling is that your whole body is covered with small microminias, they flare up like a thunderstorm, penetrating deep into you, the body instantly reacts, shrinks, the skin becomes covered with goosebumps, but after a second everything changes, you stretch yourself, straighten your body, your joints stretch then light pain , but it is pleasant, the energy from the micromolia will dissolve and you are ready to feel this gentle injection again.

I looked at the bed, Valya sleeps sweetly, turning away, I already without her, without clothes, fingers slip from my chest, from belly to pubis, my skin is smooth and tender, even in the morning when I took a shower I used to shave my habit, I have the same hygiene as brushing my teeth, I don’t even think about it, I just take a razor and a foam and everything is ready. The fingers touch the first hollow, I freeze for a moment in anticipation that I am about to, I gather more air into the lungs, I wait, along with the exhalation, the finger slides lower, first along the edges of the lips. I draw in my head what they look like, a hillock, another one behind it, a hollow, slightly pressing with my finger and it immediately falls, but not deeply, I am waiting again. It becomes harder to breathe, I want to shrink, but on the contrary I straighten my legs and my whole body arches, and then the finger falls and touches the tubercle so carefully hidden between two sponges at the very beginning. The body trembles, micromolt emitted by the finger penetrates me, I shrink, slightly whimpering with joy I press even more with my finger, then again and again and after a while I cannot restrain myself. Wave after wave, discharge after discharge, everything grows and grows, pain in the chest, groin, burning sensation in the nut there, somewhere so deep that I involuntarily run my finger in the depth and calm down a little again.

There are no images, only sensations, how can you transmit the cloud through which you fly, or how, this is not fog, there is no fear in a fall, only a cloud and nothing more, and then you start to see, yes to see, but this is not it, but spots , colorful, such bright spots as a kaleidoscope that I watched as a child, and also music, and it all mixed up, you are ready to laugh, your body is not in you, you just feel a real, so amazing, female orgasm.I close my eyes, squeeze into a ball, as in childhood under a blanket and feel, feel the body, how it floats, melts, soars, evaporates, and then I calm down. Is it possible to forget, is it not worth living for the sake of it, it’s a part of me, and I don’t deny it, but on the contrary I am glad that nature has given me that ... Read more →