- Ugliness! - thundered Sergey Andreevich. - Shaped disgrace. What have you done on yesterday's corporate party, bastards?

The "bastards" were quieter than water below the grass, cradling aching heads. The Path to Success company’s birthday passed with a twinkle.

- Who plucked the parrot? - continued the director. - Whose head came such a bright idea?

Manager Alekseev started. He carefully raised his head, which looked like an empty cauldron, and looked plaintively at the chief.

“So I thought,” the boss said with satisfaction, “to whom else, if not the cleverest in our company?” Where are the feathers, bastard? Maybe they can be stuck back.

The manager shook his head. The mouth opened, but no sound came out. The parched throat refused to speak.

“It won't work,” colleague Skripkin came to his aid, “we have him ... well, this is ...”

“I see,” the director guessed. - Roasted on a spit. The teeth are not broken? Well this stuffed gift from the Spanish partners was idiots.

“So he is ...,” continued Skripkin, “screaming, contagion.”

- Yyy, - Sergey Andreevich howled like a wolf. - He "piastres, piastres" shouted, dolt. His speaker inside was sewn up. You touch, he will speak.

Managers doomedly exchanged glances. The heads ached more and more, the director shouted louder and louder. Everything was promised: from reprimands and the deprivation of bonuses to several years of continuous execution. Suddenly, the chief calmed down and gazed around the assembled team.

- Where is she? The staff suddenly asked in a well-groomed voice.

They shrugged in bewilderment, Alekseev even ventured to shrug. They say, my-yours do not understand, cudgel.

- Where is the star of my company? - continued the director. - Where is this clever with knowledge of three languages ​​and a red diploma?

Seeing that with the hangover, its employees are somewhat slowed down and refuse to understand completely what this is about, the director again went berserk:

- Where is this beauty - a long braid, I ask you? Where is this sex bomb without bomb shelter?

Finally, it came to the smartest Alekseev:

- Svetka, or what? He asked carefully.

“Finally,” the main one exhaled with relief.

“She is ...,” Alekseev hesitated.

- What is it"?

The manager squinted his eyes cautiously, pointing somewhere down. Sergey Andreevich raised his eyebrows uncomprehendingly. Alekseev continued mimic pantomime. Soon he was joined by Skripkin and Chikin. They diligently squinted their eyes to their noses and showed with their thumbs the gesture of the Roman patricians to "kill." The director looked at this shadow theater for a few seconds, then sat down, then stood up and took a napkin from the table. He wiped his sweaty brow and asked quietly:

- Who thought to put it under my desk? Yes, and cover the carpet?

Chikin guiltily lowered his head.

- And how long will she sleep there? - With threatening gentleness asked the chef.

“We are ...,” Skripkin joined. - We reassured her so. She raged on something.

The director spread his hands. He did not know what to do with these scoundrels. Not only did they devour the parrot overseas effigy; not only did the secretary roll into the carpet and shoved under the conference table; not only drank all his liquor stores in the bar. At night they managed to fool a lot of stale conservation with outgoing storage for the Jews from Haifa. The preliminary agreement lay on his desk in the morning. If you let go, until the Jews regained their senses, it would have been nice to get welded.

But the most important Sergey Andreevich did not tell them yet. Each of them diligently concealed what had happened at the very end of that incendiary party. Finally, the director finally caught up and asked:

- Who fucked the cleaning lady?

Managers drooped their shoulders.Diligently looked away and somehow strangely snuffled.

- Do not otmazyvaytes, - threatened the director. - I have her statement on the table.

- To rape? - Alekseev asked.

“No,” the chief replied mockingly. - With the request. Promote marriage. Who here at us the most "honest" should be?

The guys perked up, giggled and the youngest Shcheglov got up from his chair.

The director hoisted his glasses and solemnly read out:

“And the badger, this whole one with his greedy hands, and under the breech skirt, brazenly climbed. And I thought everything, maybe he had lost something there, so she spread her legs to look for it more conveniently. But I was looking for something for a long time. At first, I searched everything with my fingers, I could not find it, and then I got into hell. Probably it was more convenient. Yes, I'm not mad, Comrade Director. As Vasya my ten years ago passed away, so I'm all widowed. And the kid's body requires, I understand. However, and you understand me. How do I look at people now? Let him, as an honest person, take it, but marry now. Tea, I am a decent woman. ”

Shcheglov covered his face with his hands and quietly wept from hopelessness. Sergey Andreevich ominously burst out laughing and threatened the bastard with a finger.

- You'll know next time.

And then a crumpled Sveta crawled out from under the table. She squinted at the crowd with blurred eyes and swallowed saliva.

- Che yesterday was? She asked everyone.

She noticed the director and frantically began to recover.

- Marsh wash, - hissed Sergey Andreevich.

Krasnodar diploma quickly exploded and rushed to the toilet to clean up.

“Well, now,” the director looked around at everyone, after which the managers were completely sad, “a control question.” Who ate the snake?

The guys poked their fingers at each other, shifting the blame. But the director’s tenacious gaze did not look up from their faces. The remnants of an unfortunate amphibian discovered by him today, which had been used by some Chinese partners somewhere near Beijing, and presented to him as a gift, caused a persistent toothache in a businessman.

“Svetka said it was a very useful tincture,” Chikin admitted guiltily. - We only wanted to take a little bit, but then for some reason it went ...

“Dorks,” the director suddenly sighed softly, “it's tincture of golden ginseng root.” To increase potency. I do not need it, but it looked beautiful.

The managers looked at each other and were embarrassed at once.

“And Sveta translated the inscription and said that it’s for general muscle tone,” carefully removing her eyes, Alekseev explained. - That we then ...

Sergey Andreevich waved his hand in resignation and let go of everyone. What can be done with these fools, except how to reprimand everyone to declare?

Sveta cried out of the closet. The director had already moved away, relaxed his tie and was now looking at her through the lenses of his glasses.

“Why did you translate them incorrectly?”

Office polyglot sobbed:

- They always call me a humanist. And laugh at me. And the car was scratched.

“Go, fool,” he let go of her with one wave of his hand.

Fool is gone. Sergey Andreevich was thinking hard. Time inexorably moved to dinner, when the office phone burst out into an enticing trill.

“Shalom,” a businessman with a touch of biblical melancholy heard in the phone. “We still have to tell you.”

Andreevich quietly grunted to himself and wiped his forehead with a handkerchief.

“Greetings,” he said flatly. - Any questions?

“Yes, yes,” continued the implacable Moses voice. - One small question. Small, but many thousands of dollars, as we say in Haifa. Just do not think, sho I pick my head, however, I would like to know: where, after all, dwells that bright head, which sold us that stale goods?

- Uh, oops, pff, ...

“I still understand you,” the pipe continued, “when I myself came to the Rebbe asking why my Sarah disobeys me, the Rebbe advised me to get a goat.”On my sho Sarah said: Abram, a goat is, of course, good, but fish fish and peas are still better. I thought, thought ... and agreed. Fish fish is better, we break the contract.

Sergey Andreevich performed a pantomime dance before the pipe. This stupid drunk contract could have allowed his firm to live the next quarter comfortably.

And then ... insight came. Sergey Andreevich remembered the dashing 90s.

- Listen, hedgehog, I have to explain to you now what it is, just take note. We are not here vatu ride. We are doing things, understand, goof? You want to score an arrow, so score, my torpedoes will arrive tomorrow, as if by the hour.

- Shalom? - answered the phone in a puzzled way.

“What kind of shalom-small?”, The director burnt farther on. - Yes, I lean on your shalom and go on. And if you - real pepper, then throw the real presentation. Che for hitting? Contract - linden, do you want to say? So serve in Strasbourg. I otmazhus there, if Che.

The pipe quietly grunted and was silent. Moses' descendant could not stand it.

Two days later, a notice arrived from the transport company that they were ready to accept the planned cargo for transporting it across the three seas to Haifa.

- Svetka !!! - roared Sergey Andreevich.

The Krasnodar diploma student flew into the office and stood at attention.

“Write the order,” the director said through clenched teeth, “for Shcheglov to marry a cleaner.” Chikin - finish the snake. All - for a bonus in the amount of salary. And you, - the director narrowed his eyes, - under the table. And kneel.

The global crisis of the Russian economy has successfully passed the Path to Success company.!