Preface of the author

Epistolary genre, or "Roman in letters" is not fashionable now and is not popular. Letters replace SMS and messages on sites and forums. “The sufferings of the young Werther” Goethe very few people know, except perhaps professional philologists. Perhaps my attempt is doomed to failure, and perhaps everyone will find something of their own here.

Prehistory

She had not bathed in such a warm and comprehensive care for a long time. "Ay, woman, do not touch the lighter, not your tool." - “Can I help you?” - “You are my guest, I myself.” She was greeted at the table. Fruits are laid out on a dish by the sun - on the edge of an orange slice, in the center - a red apple. She didn't eat oranges, he knew that. "I introduced myself to you like this."

A bottle of champagne. Cotton and pink sparkling wine fills the glasses.

“To feed you? Do not hurt me. We have to eat, drink and talk at the same time. ” Fragrant coffee in the early morning, brewed for her. Taxi to send her to work. Open the door to her.

But the most incredible ... Her body strangely reacted to his touch. The long-forgotten tremor ran through the spine. He greedily stuck his lips into her mouth, he gently touched her neck, her body quivering, responding to caress. This was not long ago. Few men knew how to tune her soul strings, isolate the enchanting sound of her sensuality.

"Tell me, what criteria do you use in choosing women?" - "When I want to kiss her on the lips." He kissed her, passionately, passionately, gently, sincerely.

For a long time she was not so easy and free. But this decision was not easy for her. The fact that the man is not hers, she felt immediately. But he so beautifully and gently courted that she decided to try.

"Do not cry, do not be afraid, do not ask

Easy to say, harder to perform.

It is impossible to bear the cross,

And it is beyond the power of all prohibitions to remember. ”

(Natalie Leps)

The first thing that made her doubt. His penis, seemingly in perfect shape, is beautiful, moderately big, even and tasty ... But he couldn’t go into his mouth. Neither, nor commercials. She knew a lot about blowjob, she knew how to do it beautifully, she finished herself from sweet pleasure, and here. Well, that’s not all. He did not insist. He wanted to be inside. He went deep into her, hurting her. She enjoyed this pain. She liked this deep, unbridled penetration, when it seems that sparks are flying around. She bent under him in ecstasy. He whispered beautiful words to her ear, he made plans, he took with him into transcendental dreams. He did not finish for a long time, he caught her sensations. She felt how he revels in her pleasure. And she was melting in these hands, under the weight of his body, sinking in caress and care.

But happiness is so short-lived. One day he disappeared, evaporated, living and rejoicing further. Just think, left at the broken trough, after so many words and promises.

After a massive attack in all known directions, she scratched one phrase out of him: “I don’t want to upset your children and be the cause of quarrels.”

“There is no power to bear the loss,
Go fearlessly at random;
Knocking on locked doors
It makes no sense - who are you glad there? "

(Natalie Leps)

Correspondence number one

“Boss, I need your advice as a psychologist. I cannot address this question to my mother, a friend with all her strength and wisdom does not help, sons fall off, the daughter-in-law is not so wise to help. I close the sink and understand that there is no way out. I know the periods of depression in me, now is not the option. I'm scared. I can not determine the reason. I even catch gold on myself, so strong energy failure is now in my soul.

Any thoughts. Break the circle in which I run all my life. I suddenly saw this gap, and I'm afraid of him.

What are you afraid of? Probably a change. They are just not like I imagined. Right now I want to sleep and get answers in my sleep. The problem is that I can not sleep.

I understand that nothing is clear from my welter.One thing in my head, the other in practice.

I'm scared.

It is terrible to confide, to open up, it is terrible to start over again, and even with those who are not in my taste. Or maybe this is the gateway to a new world? For some reason, intuitively, I feel it, and the mind screams no!

In my life, you have become more than just an acquaintance than a Master. For me, your presence in my life is associated with Master. Things that we know on the verge of consciousness, are transmitted through specific people. You have become for me just such a transmitter that opened my eyes to another world.

Recently, one good, kind person told me in the eyes that I live wrong, that dragging everything and everyone on me is ... What I scored for myself, for my personal life, that adult children should live separately. And I still have to use and use as intended! Yes that's right. But I cannot send my son to the street. And I can never. In some ways he is right, but in some things he is not. Let's we score on everything, and will everyone be happy? It is not right! I know...

When I was left alone with two young children in my arms, without work, without means of subsistence, without a future, my parents, my mom and dad pulled us all out. Can I leave my own, yes, overgrown, but still a child, to the mercy of fate? To get it out on the street and just say - go out, live, how can you?

No I can not. So that is not the reason. What then is my fear?

Why all this reasoning?

A man has appeared in my life. It is clear that a man, I can experience weaknesses only under coercion for women ... It's funny that at one moment there were a lot of men at once. But this is understandable. Men go to the smell of demanded women, to the queue. Lonely, abandoned, they just do not feel the nose.

But this one - it is some kind of special. And it seems to be happy, but I was scared. Never with me was this. And the point is not that it is not in my taste. Not that I am next to him, like a true queen. Above the head, and he is - accompaniment ...

There is power in it. She probably scares me.

He does not know all my problems, I am not talking about them, but he is already ready to solve them now. Such a prince with a crown on his head ... I just see this crown.

Something strange is happening today. Then his phone will call by itself, then suddenly a missed call from me. Then, of course, everything turns out. I'll call you back, he will call you back ...

Where does fear come from? What's wrong? I do not understand.

I do not understand what I want, I do not understand why. Consciousness is not my man. And the subconscious is yours! How to deal with this? What should I do? Why am I scared? ”

“It's a bit messy and not quite clear. I'll call".

Correspondence number two

“Today I think about your appearance ... A strange situation. You appear a second time when I'm on the edge of the abyss. What is it? Sign over? Friendly support? Or another horned trick, while God is asleep?

Just came home today and again got on the spree of their elders. And I ran into them ... which I do extremely rarely, trying to avoid conflicts. Ran softly without provoking. But ... For a sister-in-law about work, she sits at home and waits for the weather by the sea. On the son ...

He came to me with claims to the younger. Mom, you talk to Sasha, so that he watches the garbage, the kettle (we have a three-liter thermos, which is sometimes empty, it must be topped up) and for the dishes. Sasha has breakfast in the morning, but he often doesn’t have time to wash the plate, he puts it in the sink. "Talk, well, as you know how ..." Aha. And I suffered. "And nothing that Sasha, the only one of you earns? Well, that's the way I can. ”-“ Evono is like ... ”In short, a bucket of slop for an older one. He was offended, but calmly closed the door and went to his place, I hope, to think. But to think in alcoholic intoxication is harmful ...

And I'm thinking, why did you appear? In order for me to tell them all this, finally? Silent because before that. And you once spurred me. I do not know, is it good or bad?

And now hello, how are you? What about health? ...