Yes, I sincerely thought so. Until today, at the bus stop, and then - in the bus. And now I had to answer a very important question for myself - what is a man in general?

How could I lack now some clever, sensible, adult person next to whom I could consult! I didn’t remember that when I was a child, and then as a teenager, I had some kind of sincere and frank conversations with my parents, and only when they broke up, and I grew up - so much the more. I have always been something of a small, separate, blonde, naughty state that has always known how to live. But now this state needed good advice ...

Would I listen to him? - it is possible ... No matter how independent you may be in your judgments, decisions and actions, but sometimes you just need someone’s friendly word or advice from outside. But...

Okay, try it yourself. What happened today? I was ignored - or rather, not me, but my desire, my opinion. My boyfriend did it - a person with whom I am on more than friendly terms. And he did it, being absolutely sure that I would like it, that all my objections, all my anger at him - all this is nothing more than flirtatious ... Well, yes, of course: all the girls of the world only live with dreams, so that their young people squeeze in broad daylight on public transport or at a bus stop. With all that I really froze. Yes, once again, like a fool, she wore her beloved black bolonium jacket, yielding to the pseudo-spring charm of late-January-weather ...

But I asked Valerik to just hug me and cuddle me. Well, okay, at the bus stop it was like that. Even kissing - like real lovers, not just like that. But somehow it was ... in a businesslike manner, deliberately, not gently ... "Show off" - yes, the most accurate word.

And for some reason, kissing him was not very pleasant, although I hadn’t noticed it before. He somehow rudely kisses, greedily, wraps his lips in such a way that he doesn’t breathe again. What for? And his tongue in the mouth ... brrr ... I was already shaken by one memory.

But it is strange - why did I just start paying attention to this today? Maybe ... maybe because there was a completely different person nearby?

And is he different? ..

Of course he is different. He must be different. I feel it, looking at him, catching his gaze - a little detached look of a closed man and remembering how he behaved with me. He just has to be different! Otherwise ... otherwise I just do not know who to believe and why.

But still ... what is a real man? ..

In my opinion, it was the last sensible thought in my head, after which I finally fell asleep, still holding an empty cup in my hands and without listening to the end of the Shakirovka "Tango" ...

* * *

And again waiting for a chance meeting ...

Sometimes Julia seemed to me a phantom, that same “girl-vision” from the song of Maxim Leonidov. But I immediately tugged at myself - what a phantom, what are you talking about? You remember her laugh, look, gestures ... Visions do not look that way.

But at the same time, I understood the meaning that I put into this word. Of course, Julia was not a vision in the physical sense — she was in my view as a person, as a person. During the waiting time for another chance meeting, I repeatedly endowed her with such traits of character that she was not obliged to comply with at all. My mind understood this and in every way inspired this thought to the heart - “not to get carried away ... not to flatter yourself ... This is not Galatea, which can be molded in a contrived likeness. And what will happen when you finally fall under the influence of your illusions - the new Rita? ..."In response to this heart, as usual, objected, reproached the mind with excessive prudence, disbelief, cynicism and caution ... Yes, sometimes hot duels occurred, invisible to the eye, in one small modest rural house, under the sleepy mumble of a TV or under infinite -inverted "Down by the river" and "Cowgirl in the sand" unsociable Canadian Neil Young ...

This call was heard in the middle of the week, in the evening, when I was almost asleep. Opening one eye, I reached for the phone and looked at the screen - an unfamiliar number. “Answer - do not answer?” - for a second, my brain was thinking about a truly Hamlet question, after which I pressed the call button:

- Yes...

- Hello. Do you sleep?

What a familiar voice ... pretend you didn't know, or what?

- Excuse me, who are you?

“Quickly, you forget your own people, Seryozha,” they said in a pipe with some surprise.

- Aaa, Rita, you ... Sorry, I have not signed your number, so I didn’t find out.

- Did you delete my number? “Looks like it was bad news for her.”

- Well yes. Well you left me, we broke up. I ruined your life, I do not understand your delicate nature. Why should I save your number? For eternal memory, or what?

In the receiver, silently and thoughtfully silent.

- Rit, - I could not resist, - something happened?

“No, nothing,” she replied after a pause. “Just wanted to know how you are.”

“I'm fine,” I said. - As usual. I work, I manage. The neighbors, too, everything seems normal.

“Seryozh,” the tube sighed wearily, “you could not be so angry ...”

- I'm angry? - I sat on the couch. - Rita, yes, after your tantrums, anyone in my place would have become a neurotic at all. Are you talking about some kind of anger? ..

- Let's not start, okay? - conciliatory said Rita. - I'm not calling for this ...

- And for what?

- I wanted to brag. I found a job. By specialty. Already working. And the team is good.

- I congratulate you. I'm happy for you. - At this moment I was not cunning: even if we did not part well with Rita, but I always knew that this girl was worthy of a creative, full-blooded life, and that she finally found her could not help but rejoice.

- Thank you, Serge. I know that you are sincere. I always liked that about you. - She paused and quietly added. - And now I like it ... May I ask you ... how is yours personal?

Well, it was a predictable option.

“It is strange that you are interested in it,” I said slowly, as if deliberating. “But if you want to know, I'm fine.” I'm not alone. - I deliberately told a lie - I wanted to completely chop off all the ends that connected me with the past.

- So fast? - again unpleasantly surprised in the tube. I gloated a little:

“Forgive me, Ritul, but I did not think that I should be mourning for our untimely deceased love.”

I knew these were cruel words. And I was not at all adorned with what I said now: no matter how we split up, a man should always remain a man, as this phrase does not sound trivial. But ... Rita hurt me too much that day when she left me - silently, without saying anything, without any scandal. It’s just - having waited for me to leave for work, to pack my things, leave a note, turn off the phone ... It wasn’t so mean. Whatever I was in her eyes, but still I did not deserve this. At least I hoped so.

“N-yes,” Rita said slowly. - Well, Seryozha, I sincerely wish you happiness. And I hope your friend does not recognize you from the side I knew ...

“Rita, don't make a monster out of me.” You know very well what I really am.

“I know,” the girl said shortly. - Farewell, Seryozha ...

* * *

Silently and imperceptibly, like a cat on soft paws, crept Valentine's Day. The heart was shackled by winter longing. There was no one to mark him, his heart was empty. Actually, even before I met Rita, I had to treat February 14 with some mixture of neglect and condescension, rejoicing only when he fell out ... Read more →