And with the neighbors everything was different. We helped each other with repairs, so it’s not surprising that Rita and Lena (a neighbor) became friends very quickly and ran to each other for the most trifling trivia. It so happened that their gatherings were delayed until midnight, and either I or Lenkin’s husband, Sasha, had to take his halves from the next house. On the way, and quarreled - and this happened. But somehow everything quickly passed and returned to its place ...

A door knocked, and a moment later a quick, dark-haired girl appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, wearing a light homemade sweater and similar jeans, with flowing hair and a cute dimple on her chin. That was my Ritka ...

- Hello! - she smiled. - How long have you been at home?

“I came from the minibus,” I got up heavily and approached her. Rita, meanwhile, turned off the gas and, deftly rounding me, put the plate on the table. I grabbed her near the table and kissed her tenderly. - Did you drink? - From Rita really smelled a little wine.

- Yes, I sat up with Lenka. Chatted about that, about this. Photos in their nete showed. Well, they drank a little ...

- So you got stuck that you missed even a minibus?

There was no trick or reproach in my question. But Rita somehow looked at me too carefully and in a changing voice asked:

- Why? ... What do you want me to sit by the window for hours and wait for this sun of mine to come from work?

- Rit, why are you so? - I tried to soften her words. - Am I blaming you for something? Forbid something? For God's sake, you are friends with Lenka, and you are friends for health. But you didn’t dare to her in the morning, right? ... You didn’t do anything in the house, did you?

- And even if so? - In the voice of Rita sounded a call. - Do we have dirty? Dusty? No dinner? Seryozh, don't you understand that I'm bored alone? You're at work, what am I to do? I myself do not work. Your books to read, or what? So in your Berdyaev himself and understand, you know perfectly well that this is not for me. Watch movies? How many times have I asked to change the drive on our laptop so that it does not stand out - have you changed it?

- Where will I get the money? - I began to wind up in response. “Did you forget where my recent salary went?” We even can't postpone anything, not to take it at once and lay it out for something. Don't you understand it yourself?

“Well, I don’t need to make any complaints,” Rita said in reply. - Vaughn, eat better before it gets cold.

I, as a person who is three years older than his wife, would be silent here, to put this case “on the brakes”, as they say, until we talked too much into each other ... but the feeling of the profound injustice of all Rhity behavior made me continue:

- Rit, what if we started farming with you? At least some unfortunate chickens? They on the road by chance would not ask for alms?

Rita almost went into the room, but after my words she turned around sharply and came back to me. I almost physically felt the fire of her light gray, extraordinarily beautiful eyes, with which she literally burned me.

- What do you want to say? She almost hissed. - What am I doing nothing? What am I a drone? Mistress bad? Irresponsible? Where did this come from? - she nodded to the plate with yesterday's soup.

“I just want to say,” I took Ritin’s hands in my own, “that you are too interested in the community of neighbors, do you understand?”

“Here I go to work,” Rita jerked her hands off sharply, “and everything will be all right.”

I did not keep a stinging grin:

- Yeah, really ... with your pace, you will only choose your job for your pension. How many times have you refused offers from the district?

- Well, you know! - vzvilas wife. - We have in the house and one traveler enough! When in our school vacancies are released, then I will go. And so ... I'm not a fool to go to school far away to land! And if sweeps? And ice? Have you thought about this?

“Listen, just don't pretend that we live beyond the Arctic Circle,” I tried to precipitate Rita. - There are buses, minibuses ... For some reason I almost always come home - the weather, bad weather ...

“Yes, I see how you come and come,” Rita snapped. - Even in bed with you you lie as if in a cell with a cryogen. Bear in mind, Sergey, the woman will freeze a couple of times - that's it, you won't wait for the children. And you want them, dear, right? ..

Everything. It was a low blow. Sucker Punch. In sports, they will immediately be disqualified. But family life is not a sport ...

I really wanted children. So much so that when I bought my little nephews gifts for birthdays and New Years, I asked myself each time: why? ... what is wrong with me? ... Every time I bought books in my library, which I collected four of the year, I hoped that someday my son or daughter, who will surely be born, will be interested in her, and we will read together ... Or I will read, and then retell them. Or just give them read - whatever they ask. I will deal with them boring school lessons. And then - I will open to them the great world of painting: Italian Renaissance, French impressionism, Russian peredvizhniki, sophisticated and original English. I will introduce them to the world of music - I will tell about the Beatles and Jim Morrison, give them the blues “Led Zeppelin” and the fierce punk songs “Klesh”, introduce them to the work of Yuri Shevchuk and Zoya Yaschenko ... I will introduce them a taste for good reading, I will teach them to see in the bright dark and vice versa, I will help to know the world in all its breadth and depth ...

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts, but when I opened it, Rita was gone, and from the bedroom came the sound of a working TV. To continue was meaningless. I sighed heavily, sat down at the table and began to have supper. Alone. With his wife behind the wall. I absolutely didn’t want to eat, I did not feel the taste of food, although Rita was cooking delicious. I ate as if I was doing work — hard, unpleasant, even dirty — and that was only because it was necessary ...

***

I turned off the TV - someone’s contrived problems and passions didn’t touch me today - and I stretched out on the bed, putting my hands under my head and staring at the ceiling. I didn't want to do anything.

Strange, I thought, how little is it necessary to give a person for happiness, but he himself does not understand this. How could she, such a clever, educated, subtly feeling girl, not understand the simplest: no comfort created by her would replace her herself? Yesterday’s soup, with all its taste and richness, is half lost if it just does not sit next to it ... does not smile ... does not ask "How are you?" Yes, you can not even ask - well, just sit down next to two or three minute, so I felt your warm, and then run to your TV ... Is it really so much?

It turns out - yes ... it was a lot ... This was what binds two people in everyday life imperceptibly for them themselves stronger than any flowers and sweets in the notorious “candy-bouquet” period and unrestrained sex. When you go home and know that there is a television not working on you, but a sweet, a little tired little smile ... Read more →