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Comment on publication: Witch. History of revenge
It seems you are doing well. I read something from the earliest.
Very interesting story about the witch turned out. I can imagine how you gave out 4-5 thousand words in one breath. Five hours in one session did?
It's worth it. Intrigue keep great, with a diary turned out well, immersion in the Middle Ages. And the whole story reminded me of the recent film “Hell” (Brimstone).
Scenes of sex, frankly, not hooked! I ran their eyes. And why? No intrigue. Add to the intrigue of sex. For example: Will suspects that the witch wants to kill him during sex. At the end, the prospect began to slide off the witch. After the diary, it became closer to us. But such adaptations cause readers to dislike. The prospect must switch from a new chapter. This is written in all textbooks. Tolstoy in Anna Karenin switched in the dialogues and exits, but we, mere mortals, are better off with a new chapter. Plus, if you keep everything in the same style, then it is better to organize perspective switching early. It is clear that we still do not know how the witch is called. But we can already live with her problems. She writes a diary there, she wants to cure all of the mora. We do not know this, but we can already run after her with a camera to raise intrigue ...
Thanks again for the interesting story.
Comment on publication: Last color of autumn
You have a cool language.
"The sun was getting colder and more indifferent than first love"
"Like a flash of lightning against a background of agonizing nature"
That is, in fact, such a language and puts you above the faceless monotonous crowd of caps. I wish you do not stop and develop your talent. Look for your shape and rite.
And leave the “appealing bends”, “bewitching smile”, “graceful movements” to the captions. You can do better.
Comment on publication: Katya on the barricades
Perfectly! In contrast to the unit put the well-deserved ten. Plus hooked, originality and ease. A wonderful romance, a wonderfully mixed idea of the French Revolution. Unfriendly, but beautiful. The idea with the barricades is original, the dialogues are smart.
So write, relaxed, not bothering to assess and comment. Draw your wonderful fantasies, romance, dream, give us your bright good dreams.
Comment on publication: Sins of grandfathers. Part 2
Wow how it hurts you! Killed the main character, is it? :) And where did the girl go? Right, to hell with them all. Grandfather communist, risen from the dead, much cooler ...
Only here the plot begins to spread at your seams! I don’t know, maybe I don’t see behind the trees of the forest, but for now the feeling is that the coleidoscope of events is gaining momentum. You sped up. Writing is undoubtedly difficult ... To write a lot is even more difficult. Write coherently, maintaining the line, generally aerobatics.
Let's see where this new muddled will lead you.
Comment on publication: Sins of grandfathers. Part 1
Fine! This is the best annealing on CT for the last time. Enchanting, colorful, original. Mystic.
It is visible that you stomps from the text. Keep it up.
Now the nuances.
Expression through the mat, like in the Sixth, is not to say that it is bad. Just not ice. Try to write a story without a single swear word. What will be left of you? I hope you find a lot of means to express as brightly what you want to say.
Humor is a wonderful experience. You have humor in the content, and to a lesser extent in the form. Throw out the poop, sperm, blood. Leave soft images:
"He lost the property of all the parties except those who are needed."
“She was not a girl, but was able to be mastered by a transsexual Michael” - and similar statements.
Humor through the content: an idea with a homunculus, old women is wonderful.
That is, what I urge you in the next story ...
Throw out the dirt and mat. You will probably have a stunning humorous plot, bright original scenes with grotesque figures. Add depths to the heroes (more psychologism). Internal conflict. Make them (heroes) smart, beautiful, successful (one of the three, but not all at once).
And then everything will contact. You respect the readers, they respect you.
Comment on publication: My favorite slave
Unconvincing. Any fiction requires argument. It also exists in life, just not every author will notice it.
Comment on publication: My favorite slave
Eh, the author ... Such an interesting batch leaked. A great idea, after all, was to get the hostess apart, live together with a girl. Well, then what? Further foam. The girl begins to dance under your erect tune: drunk into the firewood is declared, the sperm is already flowing, she lets herself be stripped and washed (washed?), But at the same time she does not lose balance, leaning against the wall. And in the morning, too, just naked jumps out from under the blanket. And does not notice. Yeah. And the cherry on the whole of this cake becomes its complete silent obedience. And here you are ashamed on the one hand and full of silent depravity on the other. Sometimes, of course, I do not argue. But not so.
Well, let's then figure out where the logic floated here. :) Do you want domination over a girl? Let her then find a guy on a computer pictures themed, or something. And suddenly it would turn out that she is also in the subject. And on the other hand ... For example. Or here is another interesting development arc: at first, the girl’s nose is bullying, she is bykut, she doesn’t want to talk to the hero, maybe even despises. And then something happens, and she blows the roof off. What could it be? Maybe the hero is a good boy, an excellent botanist, who unexpectedly shows himself as a lover of bombing ATMs at night? And from cops scampers on a bike? For example. Need an argument, you know? That the girl was not foam and a log. And so, of course, you all interestingly told. I especially liked the phrases “I’m not kidding,” the lack of dialogue, and these constant recurrences, such as: “she was naked in short, :))