and I, for the umpteenth time, drowned again in her hair. She slightly moved closer to me, slowly sank down, and slightly bending her hips, allowed me to penetrate her. A barely audible moan escaped from her mouth, and Lena, closing her eyes, threw her head back. She slowly sank down, then looked at me, and smiled. I gently ran the nails down her back and felt the goosebumps running down her body. Lena touched my cheek with her hand, and our lips merged in a passionate kiss, which, this time, we did not dare to interrupt.

...

All the worst events come to us unexpectedly. In your life there comes a real idyll, you are so happy that you can share your happiness with the whole world, and then all this is taken away in one moment. The universe looks at you with its big eye and thinks that you live beyond the ideal, and you need to shake you up a bit so that you feel all the realities of this world.

A few months after Lena’s anniversary, Victor once again invited me to dinner. He did this every weekend, but I tried to politely refuse. And how can you not refuse here when you sleep with a wife of a man who considers you his best friend. But sometimes, I still agreed, yielding to his pressure. At such moments I was ashamed to refuse him. I felt like a certain debt, which I was obliged to give him.

- Sanya, I have news, - Victor took a sip of tea. Lena has already begun to wash the dishes. - We bought a house.

House? Which house? What is he talking about?

Lena dropped the plate in the sink, there was a roar throughout the kitchen. Victor looked at his wife and asked what had happened. After that, I no longer heard what they were talking about. House? Are they moving? House? Where? When?

- San, what are you doing? - Victor looked at me in surprise. I have no idea how I looked from the outside, but I think I was like a floundering cabin, which was thrown onto the deck of a ship in a storm.

- No, I just thought, - I swallowed a lump stuck in my throat. - Did you buy a house? Where? - I tried to look as calm as possible.

- Not far, about fifty kilometers from the city. Small quiet village. You should have seen how beautiful it is! Nature, forest, and a large pond. There is ... - Victor began to list the types of fish, while I tried to digest all this information. - We did not want to say before, we were afraid to jinx it. We told the children a couple of weeks ago, after we arrived there and looked at everything. You should see him! I specifically agreed on these trips to dig up some money. And so, for three years, almost not appearing at home, and our dream came true. It was worth it!

Fog, chaos, darkness.

- And when are you moving? - I wanted to show that I am happy for them, but I realized that my smile would look too false.

- Somewhere in a month. I need to work for two more weeks, and then we will start to transport and settle everything slowly, - Victor smiled and was filled with joyful mood. It is understandable, he moved from the stuffy city to the outback, to a quiet house, next to which there was a pond where carp is found, grass carp, and other garbage, which I hated at that moment.

- Congratulations! - It turned out somehow rude, but Victor, apparently, did not notice.

I looked at Lena. She stood a little distance away and looked at me. As soon as I looked into her eyes, she immediately turned away, continuing to wash the dishes.

- Great, right? I have always dreamed of my home.

- Yeah. Yes. Listen, I probably should go, a friend has to come to me, we have gathered somewhere with him.

- What are you, already leaving? And I thought we would drink a little, so to speak, wash a purchase, - Victor smiled broadly. - Come on, at least a glass.

- No, I'm sorry, I still behind the wheel today.True, I congratulate you, but I have to go, trying not to look at Victor or Lena, I literally ran out of their apartment.

...

I am not proud of what I did that evening. Calling a close friend, I asked not to ask too many questions, and called him to the bar. All my few friends knew that I very rarely drink, and if I call someone in the bar late at night, it means that something happened. Sergey did not ask me anything, but just waited for the moment when I got drunk as a lord and begin to pour out my soul. But he did not wait for this moment. I paid the invoice, apologized to him that I had torn off affairs, and, calling my sister, came to her. I think she understood already on the phone what happened. She knew that I had not stopped meeting Lena, even though I still didn’t tell her who she was.

- Eh, Sasha. I hope you did not do anything?

I told her everything. Well, almost everything. The fact that Lena is leaving, the fact that now I will not see her, and that I love her madly. The fact that I learned about the move from her husband, my sister did not need to know.

- No, I did not even talk to her about it, I just left when I found out.

I wanted my sister to scream at me, to say that she warned me that I was a fool, and he did this to himself. But no, she chose a different path, a more sensible one.

“So it's not so bad.” Now, you have to talk. Don't close in on yourself, it will only get worse. If she didn’t say anything to you before, it means she loves you too. She did not know how to say it, so as not to hurt you. Believe me, she is as bad as you are now, maybe even worse. You have to sit down and discuss everything, but not now, - she looked at me intently. “If you try to punch at her door, you will only make it worse.” Sober up, bring your thoughts in order, and only then go to her. Do not try to arrange tantrums, but just sit down and calmly discuss everything. I think she will tell you everything. Why did not tell you before, and that she now is no better. Now go sleep out. In this state, I will not let you go anywhere! Sit here, and I'll go, make you a sofa.

My sister is a smart girl, but once again, I did not listen to her.

...

For three days in a row I did not pick up the phone and did not open the door. Lena wanted to talk to me, but I ignored her. As soon as I saw her through the door peephole, or I saw her name in my phone, I was overcome by uncontrollable anger. I was furious that she did this to me, and I did not want to see her. On the fourth day, I still opened the door. No, I did not calm down. My cup of anger overflowed so much that I needed to somehow throw it out, and my irritant was the ideal option.

- Can I come in? - Lena shifted from one foot to the other, guiltily dropping her gaze.

I did not say a word, and invited her to the apartment with a hand gesture. Lena started when the front door slammed shut behind her back.

- Tea? - I literally spit out the word, imbued it with hatred.

- No, thank you, - Lena spoke very quietly, I barely heard her.

- Oh, come on! Not strangers, we can drink some tea? - I stomped into the kitchen.

Lena came after me. She stood in the aisle, not knowing whether she should sit down.

- Sash, I ...

- What? Do not want? So do not drink. After all, you yourself make excellent decisions yourself. What do you think of others, because you do everything in your own way! - in a small kitchen you could go deaf from my voice.

- Sash ...

- What, "Sash"? What? Could you not tell me this before? Right, but why ?! Do I need to know?

- Do not shout, please.

- Why? Afraid someone will hear us? We spent three fucking years in silence. All the time, we are hiding something, from everyone, from each other. I've hidden something from you too. You know? Nothing!

- Sash ...

- Yes, what? I'm listening to you! All the attention. What did you want to say?

Lena was silent.

- Nothing to say, yes? You were silent then, and now you are silent, probably, you just don't give a damn about me.

I immediately regretted saying this. Even in such a state, when I was overwhelmed with rage, I understood that this was not true. We never confessed in love, but we loved each other.

It seemed to me that Lena was about to cry.My anger immediately subsided. I realized how much pain she could cause in my own words and was terribly sorry that I said that.

We stood and looked at each other. I can swear I heard my heartbeat in this sudden surging silence. Just a second and Lena's eyes flashed. My anger was gone, but she stayed in this kitchen, capturing the other person.

- Do not care? Fuck you! - the kitchen was filled again with a scream. “Do you have any idea what it cost me?” Do you know what it is to look into the eyes of a cold person and realize that only a couple of meters is the one with whom you will never be? Know that nothing can be changed, and every minute in a cold bed hurts you?

“So what's stopping you from changing everything?”

And what did this find me? That drop of anger that was lost in my mind was filled with such power that I could not control it. I thought it was cold, but it turned out it was not.

- What? Are you still asking me what? - Lena's eyes turned red. - And then, you are my indifferent, that I can not betray these people. How can I explain to children that I want to get a divorce from their father? How do I explain to relatives that the family they consider ideal is not at all like that? How can I explain to my husband, who has been trying his whole life for the good of me and the children, that I am leaving him?

The deafening silence. Knock-knock, knock-knock, knock-knock.

“Sorry,” I looked into her eyes.

Lena sat down on a chair by the table, and I quietly walked over to her. All the anger that filled us a moment ago left my kitchen, leaving no trace behind. I knelt down and took her hand.

- Sorry. I know it's hard for you too. I ... sorry, I shouldn't have screamed.

- Itself is good, I had to tell you everything, and I ... - Lena straightened her falling hair.

We again fell silent. And what can I say? Everything has been said, nothing has changed.

- Will you have tea?

Lena looked into my eyes in surprise, and then burst into a sincere, but slightly hysterical laugh.

...

If three years have flown by like one day, then the month has become minutes. Lena and I tried to forget about the upcoming separation, and squeezed the maximum out of this time. Lena quit her job, and I talked to the chef, and asked for a monthly leave without pay. I spent all my time with Lena, and we got lost in each other. At the weekend, I had to return to my apartment, and when Victor quit and started transporting things, Lena always found urgent business in order not to go to a new house.

Sometimes, we lay in bed for several hours and just looked at each other. There are moments when words can spoil everything, and it is better to give this time to silence. Lena gently held the nails on my chest, and I straightened her hair behind her ear and stopped her palm on her cheek. As soon as I touched her face, Lena smiled, sincerely and a little sad.

And now, time has passed. Victor moved all the things, and the day came when Lena was supposed to spend the night in a new house for the first time and stay there forever. Victor, as if knowing about our relationship, spent the night in a new house almost from the first day of transportation of things, allowing us to be left alone with Lena.

“In a couple of days, new tenants should move in, they came for the keys today,” Lena ran into my apartment just for a minute. - Vitya is waiting in the car, probably, I have to go.

I looked into her eyes and was silent. How I wanted to say these cherished words, but I knew they would spoil everything.

- I'll miss.

- I, too, - Lena nodded and sniffed.

Long and thick black strands, giving a blue, expressive look, charming smile, and smack of cherry - I will never forget it.

I hugged her for the last time, and the swallow left my life forever, leaving the clothesline empty.