Part one, non-format. NAINA.

(in the text of the first part, excerpts from the letters of my co-author Marika were used when working on those fragments of the novel “The collector of women's souls”, which dealt with the beloved protagonist Georgy Gurov - GG, whose prototype I was DD)

Having got used to the style of erotic stories, I don’t even know how to approach this heroine? How can I make it clear that despite the absence of sex, I had a love for her that remained long in my heart? How to describe in front of the reader the attractiveness of the image as a justification of love? However, an intelligent reader knows and agrees with the saying “love is blind,” and the absolute dignity of the object of worship is the fact of love, and everything else is strictly relative.

I met her at the very beginning of the second course, in a hostel. My friend VV, who lived in the same dormitory on the floor above, as I understand, walked through all the rooms of acquaintances with his sister who had entered the first year and represented her. I went to our room:
- Meet, DD and KK (the conventional name of the guy, and still my close and good friend, with whom we lived in the same room and studied in the same group at the institute). This is my sister Naina (name on H, but it is rare, but not often found Nadia or Nastya).
- Very nice! - KK and I answered in a chorus, jumping up from our beds.

At first glance - not impressed. Not awesome beauty, short stature, dark brown hair, a rather large nose, a miniature physique, but with a nice chest, offhand third size. Naturally, she was embarrassed by the fact that she was being carried along with her as a little girl, tacitly speaking as if “this is my sister, don’t dare touch and offend anyone”, despite the fact that VV himself was already quite an adult by our standards, having served 3 years fleet and arrived through the zero course, a strong and cocky guy. He was at that time 23 years old, we are with KK 17, and Naine is 19.

The entire second course and the first months of the third, until I was taken to the army, Naina was for me precisely the sister of a friend and the captain's friend in the hostel. At the meeting: hi-hi; VV you have or where; give a couple of pieces of bread, and then the buffet is closed; you understand derivatives, help with homework; etc.

Naturally, her coursework in mathematics and programming was done by me, but I did not even dozens of them, but hundreds of acquaintances of both sexes, so I didn’t even bother about it.

Emotionally, at that moment I was closer to a group member L, a modest and pretty fat woman I was about to have, but didn’t manage to fall in love because of the dance that was denied to me but danced with another and the harsh statements that followed.

Returning from the army, he learned that VV had transferred to absentee, because even before that their father had died, and he decided to work in order to help his mother and his sister who was studying in person.

My young boy's heart thirsted for love (especially after having had sex with army friend Lucy and not the resultant option to fuck someone in our female environment purely for fucking). It is not clear how and for what, but my choice fell on Nain. I just got married in my city, VV, sent photos, I started to go to Naina in the room, talk about VV and his young wife, about her, and somehow gradually became a habit and unconscious spiritual comfort every day, at least 5-10 minutes in the evening, stay in her room, see a friendly smile, chat about something educational and everyday, if necessary, help with the lessons, treat yourself to something tasty, and not a pantry, and sometimes watch her drawings, new and old.

Naina drew well. Not oil on canvas, of course, but with pastel pencil and watercolors. Some of her was a romantic style of drawings, lonely waiting girls, guys with sadness in their eyes, rain or the faint charm of changeable weather, I really liked them.And she drew for herself, rarely to whom she gave and did not sell anything.

Invited to the play, then to the concert. I went with the hunt. One of the exciting memories after returning from a concert. It was winter and icy roads, so she did not fall, took me by the arm. How a burn through God knows how many layers of winter clothes felt her touch. Because there were no other physical contacts. I did not dare to hug, kiss. Maybe he was stupid and young ... I do not know ...

And the performance was not easy, however. The visiting guest performers from St. Petersburg gave Intergirl. On the word of mouth they started a rumor that on the stage ... oh, horror ... they fuck and even ... where the country is heading ... they will blowjob. Video salons have already gained strength, it was impossible to surprise anyone with porn, but live on stage! Can you imagine what was a full house? The music sounded in a furious rhythm, the fierce flashes of color music blinded their eyes, and the actors and actresses dressed in tight-fitting bodysuits really imitated the classics in various poses and screamed. Crimson, Naina initially hid her eyes from embarrassment, but then got into the crux of the fraud, and even talked about the poor fellow artists from whom, I suppose, seven pots descended under the hot rays of the ramp. And I sweetly dreamed about how I would make the same thing with Naina in reality that the actors played for fun. Naive...

Then there was a certain episode with her relative, whom we visited in a psychiatric hospital. A clever man, a journalist who published a couple of books, but persecuted by local authorities (those places where Naina’s family lived), he began to drink, sink, become a typical homeless alcoholic, and he was sent for treatment to the city where we studied at the institute.

Coming out of the house of grief, Naina burst into tears on my shoulder. "I don't want to go there, I want to stay here, see what was done to him." My heart sank with pity and desire to help her, but I still did not dare to kiss, just stroked my hair and said “you will not leave, I will not let you go”.

Then there was a declaration of love. I bought flowers in the morning, went up to her room (we were studying on the second shift), with great excitement and experience I was able to say the right words. "I love you, be with me, marry me," if quite briefly.

"I'll think about it" - in short, the answer was.

And she “thought” for 4 years. No, she never said “yes” or did not act so that I was deceived and thought, so, finally, she loved me. But she didn’t say harsh and offensive words, didn’t push her away completely, accepted my attentions and gifts, sometimes attended cultural events with me, but emphasizing with all of her behavior - this is not my boyfriend, this is just an acquaintance.

Here it is necessary to say something else. I had with Nana (while she was studying and living in a hostel) there were 2 periods of relations. The first one is very good for me, she gladly accepted all signs of attention, attended concerts in the hunt, etc., went for walks with me, it happened that I accompanied her to the institute or back, for her environment (friends and roommates) I even began to be perceived as her boyfriend. And then, like the hell out of the box, some of her second cousin appeared who took on some of her household chores and troubles, and Naina in public again began to treat me as a hatchet acquaintance, and not a fan with serious intentions. But it was too late, I was carried away in earnest. I was indignant at this brother in my heart, of course, but I understood that if her attachment to me was not emotional, but pragmatic, then sooner or later the cooling would have happened. However, this fact was understood by my mind, and I continued to feed the most tender feelings, and hope for even a miracle.

Yes, love is blind, and I was madly hoping to still charm her and fall in love with myself. After finishing her studies, she went to her hometown, and I went to visit her three times (formally, to her brother VV, but in fact longing for Nain). I fascinated their mother, daughter-in-law and little daughter VV, but not Naina herself. Especially the second year old daughter of my friend became attached to me (during the second trip, in the summer of 1991).I often walked with her, she learned to walk, holding my finger, and for a week of my stay the baby is very touching ...