When I first opened her profile on Mamba in the summer of 2010, I almost closed it irrevocably. Instead of the main photo, there was some kind of abstraction, the fields were filled from fifth to tenth, but for some reason, the bi orientation in combination with the nickname suggested that the questionnaire belonged to a gay-bent male person. I must admit to my shame that the victory of singer Ruslana at Eurovision passed by my attention, and not knowing any women with such a name in real life, I at that moment perceived such a nickname as a conscious distortion of a male name to emphasize the desire to be a woman.

But since they were only suspicions, but not confidence, I clicked “on” and opened the folder with other photos. Suspicions immediately disappeared, with a couple of photos I was not watched by a film actress and not the fruit of the ill artist’s inflamed imagination, but the most ordinary woman. Offhand about my age (forty and a little, later it turned out that he was about five years older), black-haired and black-eyed, chubby and white-skinned, plus something Central Asian through the eyes and cheekbone structure. However, it turned out that Ruslana was not an Uzbek woman at all, but a representative of another nationality, widely represented in the Emskaya oblast, and her passport name was, of course, not Ruslana. However, having learned her real name, I understood the principle of choosing a nickname. The heroine of Pushkin chose the name of her beloved from the poem as a pseudonym - an identification mark for initiates - and wrote it down in the female manner.

Infrequently I came across minorities who did not hide their lesbian tendencies in the open eyes of outsiders. I knocked, greeted, introduced myself, asked for more details. Having teased me with excuses like “oh, it was a long time and not true” and beating with hints like “it's incest I feel uncomfortable,” Ruslana admitted that she had her first lesbian contact many years ago, on the eve of her first marriage, of course, a virgin, and happened to the future sister-in-law (that is why hints of incest) - the groom's sister, the same, in essence, a young girl, except perhaps not a virgin, but recently married.

- I was so tired of talking before the wedding about the first wedding night, which all the girlfriends and more or less familiar girls, both having and not having sexual experience, started up, that they simply irritated me, made me excited with terrible force and want this very sex, o which in theory I knew everything, but in practice nothing. Hints of sister-in-law were the last straw. And at the same time, realizing that I myself would never decide to take the initiative, would not give the groom any reason to doubt my innocence, I would only submissively accept his affection and do what he would say, and I never dare to dictate to a man that should do ... Funny, yes, DD? What a naive I was then ... So, I decided that the girl is not a guy, you can not be shy with her, even at that moment I completely forgot that she is my future relative, she came up and started joking, as a joke, saying “ so what will he do to me? Like this? Or so? Or is that the case? ”, Began kissing her, hugging, taking off one clothes after another, giving free rein to her hands, prompting her to act responsibly. And you know, remembering then, I was surprised how she instantly went to meet me, did not push away, did not move away, immaculately played her role in this game, where she was me, and I - her brother - if you reduce a number of her replicas into one, so answered me Ruslana.

- Maybe she just had a fair lesbian experience, and this she seduced you like that? - I suggested.

- No, it is unlikely! Then we both wondered what had come over us, never before had this happened.

- Well, fine. The first pancake is not always lumpy. And second?

- What is the second?

- The second time you had with her?

- Not.

- And with other girls?

- There was no one else.

- So your first lesbian experience remains the only one?

- Well yes.

- Amazing! - I was really puzzled. - And only on this basis, 15 years ago, did you indicate the orientation of "bi"?

“But it was the same,” Ruslana answered reasonably. - As I write "hetero", it will not be true.

“Then it turns out,” my brain so far refused to accept such a commitment to the literal truth on the part of a woman, “that you made a profile and want to meet a girl in order to relive the sensations of that time again?”

“No,” she surprised me again. - So women write to me, of course, I answer someone, but I am not going to meet. It stated above, I will get acquainted with a man from 40 to 55 years, is not it visible?

“I see,” I admitted. And he made a logical conclusion “if not with a woman, then with a man. If with a man, why not with me. ” The pipes began to “march”, and the offensive began.

... Weeks after two or three, a sultry August day, pregnant with a thunderstorm, arriving at the meeting place almost half an hour before the appointed time, I slowly walked along the pedestrian boulevard, enjoying the body with hot sunshine, eyes — the architectural sights of the city of Emsk, and taste - chocolate ice cream. Ruslana was not late; Having greeted and exchanged the first polite remarks, I gladly looked at her delicious figure with all the attractive cambers and curves, and was slightly surprised at the underlined whiteness, as if she had visited a tanning salon, on the contrary, where they don’t get, but get rid of tan. A small promenade, accompanied by lively conversation, and the rate of the High Command delivered a decisive blow. I propose to sit in my car, parked a little distance away, and go to the pre-rented apartment, drink wine, taste sweets, continue a pleasant conversation in private privacy.

Zero reaction, zero emotion! Not refusal and indignation, not delight and haste, no specification of details and stipulation of conditions. With the same neutral polite smile on her face, like a few minutes earlier when talking on abstract topics, Ruslana does not react to a more than unequivocal proposal, which, however, was easily calculated during virtual communication on a dating site. Did not hear? Happens, the person has thought of something and for a moment dropped out of the real world. Or, maybe, I was too intricately expressed with a catchy phrase and now she is waiting for the continuation-explanation?

“I wanted to say ...” I speak again in an attempt to express the same in other words. Ruslana closes her eyes for a moment and raises a finger in warning. I understand this means “Shut up! Wait!".

I am silent and wait. And on the same day a little later in bed, and a few years later, when we, being already lovers with experience, noting the 5-year-old, perhaps, the anniversary of our acquaintance, recalled the circumstances of our first meeting and rapprochement, Ruslana explained this prolonged pause so :
- I heard and understood everything. I asked myself if I wanted this? And when I realized exactly what I wanted, then she told you to "go."

Looking ahead, I’ll add that the same pause-reflections in an attempt to find the answer to the question "Do I want? ..." were still twice. When I hinted at oral and directly suggested anal sex. But it was already during the second meeting, at the first they treated classics and chatter on various topics, getting to know each other. From the third meeting, our intima scenario began to undergo serious metamorphosis, giving Ruslana not only personal, but also sexual uniqueness in my eyes ... but more on that later, for now, back to the boulevard, in hot August 2010.

Meanwhile, the weather changed dramatically. The black storm clouds that came from where, at an accelerated pace, clouded the sky, devoured the sun and turned the glow of four o'clock in the afternoon into evening twilight. Ruslana and I barely had time to get into the car, when there was a deafening thunderbolt and gushing rain.

What a thunderstorm it was! Lightning flashes tore the sky to shreds, peals ...