in the hands of pants and was stunned ... Not knowing to laugh at me or cry. The trousers were clearly in size, but rather they could be called trousers ... Women's trousers! Low waist, even without fitting it is clear that close-fitting to the knees, and below the flare! Well, like the sailors in my time. Put them aside, took the shirt. The same picture, darts on the chest, buttons on the other side, and frills with lace like some of the historical films in Louis. That tie was normal. There were even two of them. One simple, which must be tied, and the second on an elastic band.

With an internal shudder, he opened the second package. It smelled like mothballs or something. And a tuxedo appeared in the light of day! Probably the real one, I never wore it, but I recognized it right away. Shiny black collar, thin woolen fabric, neck butterfly and white kerchief folded in a corner. The same dark pants and dickey ?!

I turned to the lady who had brought the clothes and, pointing at the tuxedo, said:

“It will do, but you need a shirt.” But not a women's blouse, - I picked up a "white shirt", - but simply a shirt without any decorations and darts, - I pointed out with a finger in the stitching on my chest. - Dickey will not go. Suddenly, I decide to take off my jacket!

“I see,” she nodded politely, “for the time being you try on, and I will see what I can do and leave the room.”

- And you out! - I turned to the guard.

They exchanged glances and slowly backing away, disappeared through the door. There were also pants with socks in the package. The same as those that I took out, clearly depicting my considerable personal belongings. I had to give up, though, they were very comfortable on the body, and if necessary, they easily stretched ... The trousers were at the right time. If even a belt ... Threw a jacket tuxedo, sits like a glove. The pants were the same.

- Now only the shoes are normal and the shirt ... And you can, perhaps, get married ...

The recollection of Chloe's forms excited. I had to sit down and distract from frivolous thoughts, so as not to sparkle a huge knoll on his pants.

While I was “cooling off,” the modelr returned. She brought almost the same shirt, but without ryushechek and darts, although the buttons were on the right.

“Will this work?” - she handed me.

- ... - I nodded, - and where did you get the tuxedo?

- In the museum they loaned me for a while ...

- I need a similar, but without silk, - I ran along the collar, and a pair of trousers. And by the way, where are the shoes?

“Unfortunately, there is no shoe,” she said, “even berets, your size is missing ... And you obviously cannot wear shoes ...”

I rolled my eyes, imagining myself in the "boats" and squealed. The security guard, who came along with her, immediately agitated, reacted, but realizing that I was just laughing, she froze again.

“And I still need flowers,” I suddenly remembered, “and wine ...”

- Flowers ?! - she was surprised, - okay, I will tell you.

As the saying goes: "From the world of thread, beggar new thing!". They were clearly not ready for everyday problems. It seemed that everything was simple, but in a world focused only on the needs of women it is almost impossible to properly dress a man ... And what will happen next? Judging by the statements of local "men" if not impotent, then somewhere close; and courting a lady? Am I turning into a carrier of cultural shock and revolution ?! New discoveries? Although it has long been known: "New, this is a variation of the well-forgotten old!".

More waiting. Finally brought wine, a bouquet of roses and served the table.

“Though they have no problems with this ...” I thought, it was all sad and caused a pitiful smile, “even if the wine is in a glass bottle ...”

No men, forgotten courtship, no normal clothes ...

— 3-

Then came the fanfare. Of course, they rang in my head, but Chloe’s exit was impressive. At first the guard appeared and stood near the door, almost taking the guard. Then she swam. She swam in a chic white ball gown. After waiting for me to appreciate her new outfit, she said:

- You asked us a puzzle! I had to seek at the very top so that they would give us a tuxedo for the time being. And then I was looking for what to wear to me. But in the books sheer confusion.Did I choose the right dress?

- Well, if I'm in a tuxedo and ... slippers, then, probably, correctly. They could not pick up shoes. No size!

- sew to order, then.

I took the bouquet and presented it to Chloe.

- This is for you, my darling! - and kissed her on the cheek.

She paused, flushed, and looked at me inquiringly, asked:

- Have you met guests like that?

- Not guests, honey! Lady The one that came on a date with a man.

- Did I come on a date? - she was surprised, - you complicate everything ... just ...

- have sex? - through my teeth I said.

- Fuck ?! Strange word.

I clutched my head.

- Fuck, fuck, commit coitus, or sleep, - as you like ...

- I understand - these are synonyms, but why so much about the same thing. It's so simple ... And you have so many conventions almost a ritual.

- And this is a ritual! The ritual of caring for a woman I liked.

- What for?

Her naive questions puzzled me, and at the same time excited me.

“Let me take you to the table,” I took her hand, “and don’t ask why,” anticipated the question. - Yes, you can walk and sit down yourself, but I am pleased to show you courtesy and help you sit down at the table ...

When we came to the table, I moved the chair, helping her, get comfortable.

- Wine? - I said the voice of the headwaiter.

“A little,” she raised the plastic glass.

- It is a pity that you can not clink glasses with a crystal jingle ... Do you have candles? - pouring wine, I said.

- Candles? Healing ?! Why do you need? Does something hurt?

- No, simple lighting candles, thick ones made of wax.

- Wax? Bee? - almost admired Chloe.

- Yes. They also added different flavors to them ... - I remembered.

- But there are lights, lamps ...

- It is cozier with candles ... Especially together! - and glanced at the two pillars of "legitimacy", the statues frozen around the door.

“Let's drink to our health,” he raised his glass and, bringing it to her container, clinked glasses.

A dull sound, as if two woods had knocked at once.

Swords ringing like the sound of a glass

Since childhood, I caress hearing ...

I sang, taking a sip of wine.

- What is it? - She became interested, having drunk from her glass.

- There was such a song ...

- About musketeers?

And I remembered again: "It would be funny if it were not so sad ...".

- No, but like that ... What do you, in general, know about my time and about the relationship between a man and a woman in particular?

- Everything! - she categorically stated, - I have three higher education!

“I doubt it,” I said softly, finishing my wine.

He put a glass on a chair and suddenly I was rocked. My head is dimmed.

- What is it? Intoxication? Strange ... Before, I could drink a glass of vodka, and then shoot at the shooting gallery for five ...

- Are you okay? - suddenly said Chloe.

- Yes ... I, apparently, got drunk with one glass ...

- ... - she gasped, then laughed, - what did you want ?! New body, another metabolism. You should not drink more.

And I already suffered. It became good, warm.

- Is there music here? Danced ... to ...

She turned and, looking toward the guards, said:

- You heard. Organize.

Right mumbled something into the microphone. And after a couple of minutes from somewhere poured music. Not quite familiar, but pleasant. I got up, tensed, sweeping the dregs out of my eyes, and walked over to Chloe.

- Waltz? Or just stomp to the music?

She rose gracefully, and I hugged her, hugging me. We spun in the dance. The movements were not familiar, but rhythmic and exciting. When the music subsided, I stopped, but instead of holding Chloe to her place, I pressed him even closer and kissed me. She froze, a shiver ran through her body and then gently pulled away.

- Why is this? - Intermittent whisper she asked.

- Kiss ...

“I know what a kiss is, but it’s not like that ...”

- Of course! It's a man's kiss, not a woman's ...

- No ... Man, woman, we are people, but it hit me like a shock! And still "goose bumps run!"

- Pretty! This is the difference ... You talked about hormones and sex, so here it is ...

- But physical contact ?!

- He may be the main, but without a good foreplay there is no great sex!

“Go on,” she gasped excitedly.

I squinted at the guard and said in her ear:

“Maybe you don't care, but these girls are straining me at the entrance.” I am not a fool and I understand that everything is stuffed with electronics here. But I have no thoughts of harming you. Let them come out. Drop by here a second thing, but for now let them stand there. I do not like when they hold a candle around me!

- Okay.

She turned and ordered the ambalsham, the largest of whom was half a head lower than me. And turning, uttered:

- I did not understand you again. So you want a candle, you do not like when it is held?

Sighing, I just shut her mouth with a kiss ...