jokes, then he fucked me in the ass and, referring to the case, quickly left. I was grateful for his visit. Little friends. Friends need to appreciate.

Having once met a manager from a former job, I learned that my ex had bought a house somewhere in Montenegro on the seashore and has been living there for several months. The company has a new director. I was shocked. My ex knew how to get revenge. House on the beach - it was a dream of my life. Montenegro - it seems the capital of Bulgaria. I have never been there. At home I cried the whole evening.

The next day, Valery came in, immediately banged me in the ass almost in the hallway, did not stay long. I asked him to help me find Sveta, or at least find out how she’s doing. Valera answered evasively and somehow strangely looked away to the side. I even thought that Valera comes to me only because his wife refuses him in anal sex. But, probably, I am mistaken. We are friends with Valera, he is just a rude dork who does not know how to express his tender feelings. Friends and men should be taken as they are, and not try to remake them.

I had less and less money, although I lived very modestly, did not even go anywhere to rest, at first I spent about a hundred thousand a month, then forced myself to save on everything, and managed to keep about fifty thousand, less, of course, impossible, I refused myself in many ways. The sport had to be thrown, a lot of money was spent on the drugs that my doctor was selling to me. But I did not spend on clothes. My little apartment was littered with clothes and shoes. Most of the boxes were unopened for almost a year.

Several times I took a job as a secretary, but I was dismissed due to constant delays in the morning. Waking up early in the morning on an alarm clock was sometimes impossible for me. It happened that in the mornings I seemed to fall into a faint faint, incomprehensible weakness and lack of will would fall on me, I could sleep fifteen hours a day and still could not get in shape for several days in a row. These strange depressive states disappeared as unpredictably as they appeared, and there were weeks when I jumped and jumped, as if nothing had happened.

I was looking for a new life partner, as my life values ​​have not changed. I wanted to love and be loved, start a family and even was ready to give birth to a child if a man insists on it. But finding a decent man was not as easy as I thought. While I was spinning in a circle of friends of my ex-husband, I constantly communicated with interesting wealthy men, felt welcome and in demand. Now I didn't even have a girlfriend to go to a restaurant in a place. All my new men had some monotonous disposables, drank a lot, could do little in bed, quickly disappeared. None of them satisfied me, and could not bring me to orgasm.

Erotic fantasies and the desire to end haunted me, and I exhausted myself to masturbate, using all sorts of vibrators and other toys. I began to like the pain, I experimented with clips on the nipples, clothespins, tried to smack myself with a belt on the ass. All this excited me, but I wanted something more. First, I pierced my nipples and put in there beautiful golden rings. Then I made the piercing between my legs, ten little rings adorned my seductive lips. Besides the fact that it was just beautiful, I had the opportunity to attach heavy decorations there, pulling down the weights gave me extra pleasure during my long walks in the parks.

Once I was in a park, I met young, cheerful soldiers. I gave them a beer in a cheap cafe, and then invited all three of them to my house to "drink coffee".I was hoping to repeat the magnificent sex of the four of us, who I had in Paris, and again to experience multi-orgasm, but the truth is that one cannot enter the same river twice. While the guys were sober, they were rather stiff and awkward. Of course, each one was ready to fuck me, but the three of them at the same time, they somehow did not burn with desire. When we finished the second bottle of vodka, I managed to get my way, but the guys got too rough and cocky. They treated me like a prostitute, were rude and thought only of their pleasure. I am not used to such treatment. I am a lady, not a cheap whore. The four of us had sex, but there was no orgasm.

In the morning I woke up, all broken and dissatisfied. Money and all the bottles of expensive alcohol disappeared from the house. I guess I still got off easy. Could endure the whole apartment while I slept drunk.

The next night, hoping for an orgasm, I gave myself to some two new acquaintances on the embankment, but in addition to my torn knees and soiled clothes, I did not get anything.

I bought some drinks, locked myself in at home, and spent three days alone, trying to figure myself out and figure out how I should live. Next year is my horoscope year, I hope that luck and happiness will return to me. I do not know why they say that the truth is in wine. There is no truth there, not even oblivion. I drank wine, imagining that I was drinking from the river Lety, and I would forget my past, but I still had to return to a reality that was getting worse and worse every time.

On this day, I wanted to burn my diary, but instead I sat down to rewrite it. What was intended as a two-page letter - the cry of the soul on the women's site, turned into a little story about my life. Every man himself is a blacksmith of his own happiness. I have no one to blame for falling down. You are the one to blame.

Now I remember my past life, and it seems to me that all this happened to me a long time ago.

The diary is over and now I just write here, online, when I have to, without time and dates. That is how I now exist, without being interested in what day of the week and day of the month it is. I only have bad days when my head hurts and good days when it doesn’t hurt. How much I have changed over the past year.

I'm terribly lonely. Because of the depression, I completely abandoned everything. I can neither clean nor wash the dishes, just walk from corner to corner and think, think, think.

Ten years have passed since the death of my parents, they crashed, and I survived. I found the strength to go to the cemetery. It seems I went over there with alcohol. Saw straight from the neck. How to get home, I do not remember. But I'm not an alcoholic. Just now such a difficult period of my life. Soon I will give up drinking and start a new life.

At the entrance I picked up a kitten. Maybe he will become my new friend. He is so warm. He sleeps, clinging to me, and quite rumbling. So cozy and nice with it.

Strangely, I stopped playing sports, sometimes I stay at home all day long, and I lost 15 kilograms. I have no appetite at all. Now it's for the better, I need to save.

I broke the mirror, which looked. Specially broke. Stop lying and cheating yourself. I am not special, I am an ordinary weak-minded loser. I'm not a lady, I'm a whore. I myself have destroyed my family and my happiness. I'm an alcoholic.

Kitten I called Gift. Fate gave me the ultimate gift.

Gave up to drink. Itself surprised. Although after all about three years ago I was indifferent to alcohol. I drank only champagne, it seemed to me that this was a certain attribute of a beautiful life, to which I was striving. A friend taught me to drink for any reason and for no reason. Now I have no girlfriend, no reason to drink, or even money for champagne. And do not pull.

I was scared when the pills ran out. The doctor said that treatment should not be interrupted, it will be very bad. I went to him with a request to lend one package to me. He refused, but offered to suck him for a weekly pack of pills. I do not know what came over me, but I refused. I am a whore, but not a prostitute. When I want sex, I do not care how a man looks, how old he is and how much money he has.Yes, I used to suck off to thank for some gift. But there was always some kind of erotic, game or extreme in it. And here is so obviously sell your favorite body for a handful of pills. Not! A friend told me that she was sure that if she pressed money, every woman would become a prostitute. I argued with her then. I do not agree now. I'd rather die.

The kitten is growing, we get along great. When a headache hurts me, this fluffy little ball nestles against me and I get a little easier.

I was afraid that without pills I would feel worse, but it seemed that my health would be without drastic changes. The head ached as it often did, and it hurts, sometimes it makes me sick until vomiting. We must go to another doctor, but again, money will be needed for expensive medicines. I'll wait for now. It can all be adjusted with health by itself. Although why am I again deceiving myself. I myself can not go to the doctor. I am afraid of doctors since childhood. As an adult, I was taken to the doctor by the hand of my ex-husband or my girlfriend. I trusted the last doctor, because he was without a white robe and very courteous. I do not know why Sveta recommended it to me, now I understand that he is a two-faced and dull type.

The day before yesterday I spent the last money. I bought more cat food and some food for myself. It is necessary to do something, somehow survive. I will try to sell some of the jewelry and clothing.

Today I learned that Sveta married my ex.

How cruel men are. My ex broke all my dreams and, finally, took my only friend whom I loved as a sister. Poor Light. Now I understand why she did not call me. She feels guilty before me. In vain. I understand. My ex will use Sveta just as he used me, and then he will be thrown out of his life. I hate men! All my life I tried to be an ideal wife and mistress, but I stayed at the broken trough. Looks like I tried hard.

I found the light through mutual acquaintances of new acquaintances in a social network. On the photo taken on the seashore, my friend was standing near the red two-door Audi, she was pregnant, she had sandals and a white fur coat, she was smiling.

My friend is doing well. She just seemed to have completely lost her head from love and was awash in her happiness, forgetting about all. It happens. The euphoria of the first months will pass, and she will definitely write or call me, because we are the closest friends with her.

In the evening I will send this story to the network. I hope someone will read it.

I have no one to talk to, even old friends for some reason do not pick up the phone. All have a lot of important things to do.

I have no important business. My head hurts a lot. I need a misicord.

I am sitting on the windowsill of an open window on the ninth floor. It offers a great view of the park. I would like to fly like a bird. Sometimes it seems to me that you just need to believe in yourself, take a step forward and fly.

Please take care of my kitty.

He is very beautiful and good.

He is defenseless.

He needs human love, or at least friendly care.

Otherwise he will die.

Farewell.