Something they look like, the heroines of this my story. By age, by the presence of children, by the absence of a real husband, even a little outwardly I perceived the similarity. Something different: they are completely different characters and destinies, behavior in everyday and intimate situations, style and lifestyle. However, for me in these two women, there is more in common than differences, so I will call them by the same letter of the alphabet - Lena and Lisa.

LENA

The cold winter of 2007. So cold that the car does not start in the morning. Taxi, bus station, bus. The first meeting with a new woman, a technical reason should not be a reason for her cancellation. Food in Emsk. I am writing her a text message saying that the time and place of the meeting are unchanged, but I will be without a car, then we will go by taxi. Anything terrible? Responding in this spirit “may your path be blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ. I will pray and wait for you. ”

I recall that I managed to find out about her as a result of the correspondence (well, plus what I found out during a real meeting, I will also write here). A little older than me (I am 38 at the time; if you believe the profile on a dating site, she is 43, you can give 43, 48 and 41 as photos), two adult children. The daughter is married, lives separately, but close, so Lena, realizing that I am not complex to communicate with my grandmother, was happy to tell about all the mischief of her beloved first grandson. The son is also married, but lives far away, a soldier, and a daughter-in-law after a while will give her a second grandson or granddaughter.

But about her husband, Lena did not say a single kind word. I don’t really like it when my friends hate their husbands, but even if half the story told by Lena is true, then really this type deserves only shame and contempt. She married in incomplete 20, as a student at the pedagogical institute. Though she said that even then she didn’t like him, but I think that it was then that she liked him. A brave guy who recently returned from the army, a good chauffeur and mechanic, the owner of a brand-new “Moskvich” donated by his parents in honor of the demob, and the potential owner of a newly built house where he was supposed to drive in with his young wife. Well, what she likes to drink and according to her status is not a couple, Lena thought that she would be able to re-educate him.

It did not work out, moreover, she also lost her status as a student and future teacher. A new house, a garden, animals, children of the same age made her turn into an ordinary housewife of a private household. But from what moment began the discord with her husband, I did not understand. Because it is difficult to imagine that all the more than 20 years of her family life were so nightmarish as she described them, but on the other hand, everything happens in life. To my question, how do you live with your husband, Lena answered briefly: “Drinks, beats and fucks”.

About half a year ago, having received a substantial money transfer from the son by mail and by phone assurances that she should, if she wants, get divorced from this freak and drive him away, which not only the mother, but also the children kept her whole life in fear and forced her to leave the parental home, and let them not be afraid of the fact that they’re only the father’s house, they through court will always prove their right to live in it, and in extreme cases let the mother move to live with him, still does not keep her, the sister is married and happy, son and daughter-in-law will always be happy for her, and even more so will be glad grandmother, when their child is born, Lena took some decisive action. She did not dare to go completely to divorce and separation, but in the presence of respected persons of the village (they did not live in Emsk, but in one of the nearby villages), the husband gave her a promise not to drink, and if he did, he would not come home.

Though they say, the penny’s promise is worthless, but the husband kept his word. In the part that almost stopped coming home.And when he appeared for once, he left, taking with him some tools for his work as an auto mechanic, then a pair of shirts crumpled in a package, then a jar of pickles or a dozen fresh eggs. And when Lena's “compassionate” neighbors hurried to convey that the old “Moskvich” was not at all in the courtyard of her husband’s parents' house, but in the courtyard of the slut who had taken three children from three different men, she became even happier and freer.

After waiting for the second remittance from her son, she bought a computer. At the local communications center, they were surprised, but the Internet was hooked up with joy, and the school computer science teacher was completely disinterested (a smoked ham and a head of cheese was just gratitude, not a bribe) gave her several computer literacy lessons.

And Lena set sail on the stormy ocean of the World Wide Web. Initially, she was interested only in religious sites. Growing up during the Soviet years, a Komsomol member and an atheist, she became a believer in the soul and prayed to God when a rift began with her husband. But she could not bring herself to go to church, to pray in public sight, to talk to the priest. Stronger than the physical torment were her moral torments for blaspheming her husband. When he beat her, she screamed “what did I do to you, fear God, why do you beat me”, and the husband answered “I fucked you and your god in the mouth, you are a bitch and crud, die as quickly as possible,” and beat her with her hands and feet, hand objects and electric cable, and then long fucked her insensible body on the bed without the slightest affection and tenderness, or put on his knees, resting his head against the wall, and fixing his cheeks with his hands, fucking in his mouth.

You would think that she was obviously a masochist who enjoyed pain and humiliation? I asked this question. And he received a sad reply: “There was plenty of pain and humiliation. Pleasure - not a bit. And the answer to the question “But why did you endure for so long, why did you not leave him immediately, why did you not complain to someone who could act on him?” Was a whole bunch of reasons (home, children, lack of profession and money, opinion of others , many of which were considered faithful to the proverb “endure-love” and “beat-means love”). Of course, many women will find the strength to be able to reverse such a course of events. Well, Lena could not, comforted only by the fact that Christ endured, and told us.

In addition to religious sites, she got on erotic (I think that the fault of the search engine, who gave her the word "love" not only platonic, but also physical love). I was surprised to learn that bodily love can also be pleasant and desirable, that sex is not always practiced under compulsion, and often out of mutual desire. Having finished, a man can kiss and thank a woman, and not spit on her with the words "close your legs, bitch, spread them apart" or slap in the face and send to the bathroom "go wash your face, hoyoska". And that there is something incredible - female orgasm! Oh, what nonsense, how can this woman end, that she is married for the first year? She has neither a member, nor sperm, and even if this clitoris is, what should be done with it, so that it twitches and sperm flowed from it?

I suppose that Lena still mastered the technique of manual masturbation right up to orgasm (although she denied it later, but without fanaticism), and quite logically moved from erotic websites to dating sites, wanting to find a man with whom sex at least a little on described in stories, but not on real with the husband. But fearing this search and finding, for she clearly knew that this is a mortal sin - adultery. What was her whole life with her husband, for she was not baptized and not crowned in the church, and tried to atone for the prayers with prayers.

And it seems to me that the development of our relations from the first “hello” on the Internet to making a decision about a personal meeting, which obviously became intimate, happened due to my irreligiousness.For many men, having seen a strong Christian accent in her profile, began to pedal this particular topic, and Lena felt that she was a believer in the soul, but without observing rites, sacraments, ceremonies, and was very ashamed of it. I did not consider everything that she considered them to be a sin, did not threaten hellfire and the punishments of heaven, but calmly and good-naturedly talked with her, found out the details first of all her usual ...