- Fatal hostel. Part 1
- Fatal hostel. Part 2
Page: 5 of 5
did not make it. But he stopped a millimeter from her, while unwrapping the harley at her feet.
- You are crazy? Now my boyfriend will come here, he will show you where the crayfish hibernate.
- Devushka! Prastyte, pozhalyaysty. I will not be more. At the same time he opened his helmet and held out another for her.
- Wow! What a cool bike. I have not gone to this yet.
When she sat back, she beat him slightly with her fists on the back.
- This is for your hooliganism.
He did not quickly, but abruptly touched. So that she had to hug him and cuddle up to him.
Naturally, while driving, he showed all his extreme sports skills, raising the front wheel, tilting when turning. They arrived at the airport, where a helicopter was waiting for them. The helicopter began to rise (according to the scenario) and they had to flee. Having risen by 3 meters, the helicopter stopped and dropped the ladder by it. Dima missed the girl ahead and began to climb. At a sign given to Dima pilot, he began to rise and gain speed. Aziza grabbed the rope with a tight grip and horror in her eyes. But Dima came closer and, hugging with one hand, reassured her:
- Do not be afraid! I'm with you.
And the girl calmed down. After a few tricks the helicopter landed. They touched the ground and the girl clung to him tightly. And he whispered in her ear:
- How could you doubt me? It was a top-class pilot. To another I would never have entrusted such a precious flower that I hold in my hands now.
These words so affected the girl that she herself touched his lips to his lips. They merged in a passionate kiss.
- Let's go to. You need to come around a bit. They entered one of the rooms for the rest of the pilots, and there already Dima began kissing her, slowly, savoring every movement of his lips. The girl responded to kisses with all her southern passion. True, when he began to undress her, she said, lightly and purely for decency:
- I can not have sex with you. I'm married. According to the laws of the mountains, they can stone me ...
- And who will know about it? In addition, here the laws of the mountains do not apply. Don't you see that I like you not only as a woman, but also as a person?
More resistance from the wife of his enemy has been reported. Aziza experienced such orgasms that she had not experienced with her husband in the whole life together. She was truly happy. And with such a happy look came home. She danced, sang some Caucasian song and was all glowing with happiness. Gilani wary. “Why would it?” When, at night, he wanted sex with her, she again refused him. Her meetings with Dima became regular and frequent, and sex with her husband stopped precisely at her initiative. He began to suspect adultery, but he had no facts. He began to follow her. But he and his lover invented such a conspiracy that even Sherlock Holmes could not catch them together. At Gilani, the roof began to go, and her eyes became even crazier. She began to lie about critical days, then about dangerous days. One time, she still let him in, but he quickly finished and she turned away from him and fell asleep.
It is time for a decisive blow. When Gilani was not at home, Dima came to visit her. They started making love while lying in bed. Then Dima wanted to put her cancer in the middle of the room.
- You have to leave. Now the husband will return.
- Nothing wrong.
Her eyes widened:
- You do not know him. He is Caucasian, hot blood. He will kill us both.
“He will do nothing for me or you, believe me.”
- Yes, you're crazy ...
Dima said nothing more. He began to kiss and caress her. He brought the girl to exhaustion, so warmed her up, that she did not care about the arrival of her husband. The main thing is to include a member of Dimka. Seeing this, Dima put her head on the door with a crayfish and began to hammer with all the dope. Shouts of pleasure echoed through the apartment. At this time, the door opens and Gilani enters. Seeing this picture, his jaw dropped. Aziza wanted to get off his penis, but Dima kept her.
- What's going on here?
- Do not you see? - said Dima, - we make love. Do not bother us. That hatched, as if seeing me for the first time. Never seen me before? Do you know who I am?
- I know, knight ...
Now it was Aziza’s turn to open his mouth. She heard about the knight, about his influence and decency, and now she was pleasantly shocked that she had a city owner in her patrons.
“That's the same thing,” at this moment, he threw her so sharply at her that another cry of pleasure broke out from her throat and, emboldened, she showed her husband a thumb, smiling ...
At this time, Gilani also slightly increased her shorts. Lovers noticed it and laughed.
- See, you are also well from this, - laughed louder than Dima. He greatly accelerated the pace and in a few minutes he watered Aziza’s womb, which he began to shake in a strong orgasm with his sperm.
“But she has dangerous days now,” everything Gilani decided to do.
- Well, well, it means you will have replenishment, Dima laughed again. At this time, finished and Gilani.
“You see how everything is harmoniously formed,” Dima’s next laugh.
“He was able to give me what you couldn’t, who always boasted that you are a super man,” added Aziz to the fire.
After that, both lovers fell on the bed, hugging.
- Well, what are you standing like a dolt? Come make us a coffee or do I get up and explain to you more popular? - asked the knight.
“No,” Gilani mumbled, but he did not move.
“Okay, I won’t be dirty about such a scum,” Dima turned to Aziz, “go tell him the right policy, don't be afraid.” He won't do anything for you now.
Aziza got up and, naked, shaking her hips, on the inner side of which sperm flowed, approached her husband and hit him on the face with all his might. Gilani grimaced, but did not move. A blow to the second cheek was more effective. The girl, wagging her ass, returned to her lover. After some time, Gilani returned to the room with two cups of aromatic coffee.
- Now go take a walk. Your wife and I need to be alone. Well? Should I get up?
More Caucasian cuckold did not have to repeat. He went out crushed, humiliated, broken, destroyed. He went to the newsstand and asked for a hot dog. The seller replied that he was selling newspapers, not hot dogs. But Gilani began screaming, threatening, and demanded a complaint book. The seller of newspapers and magazines called the police, they took Gilani to the department and there they understood that he should be sent to a psychiatric hospital, which they did.
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I am also not a supporter of the demonstration of inter-ethnic relations between Caucasians and Slavic women. But:
1. If I had changed the partner’s nationality, the story would have been completely changed;
2. Women are to blame for their accessibility .;
So I left ...
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Why does he write, but shame on me?
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Sinner, damn, the same thing I wanted to say!
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What are you, both conspired?
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If you are Caucasian, the answer is clear ...
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Your comment was worth all that this author will write throughout his life ...
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you'd better delete this story.
he is really awful ..
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With what?
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What a twist!!!
Son-Loch turned into a brutal male, who on the battlefield of potency defeated poor Gilani. A Chechen who has gone from a terrible and become chronic nedorakha goes to the fool ...
The author, you direct road to the writers - to write stories for the programs of the First Channel or Ren-TV.
I would advise such a continuation: the mother who gave birth to a daughter from a Chechen mother went to the monastery to pray for her treason. After accepting the most stringent schema, secret techniques of spiritual boost are revealed to her. Mom occasionally meets with her son in the monastery's garden, mentally increasing his potency to values that allow any woman to fuck at will.
Dima becomes a secret agent of the FSB. As a result of a complex multi-pass (at least 50 sexual acts) combination, the insidious and vile attempt on the irremovable (lifelong) President of Russia Putin has been foiled (the action takes place in the future).
During the awarding of the hero V. V. P. asks him to reveal the secret of his success. Dima shares his secret - all thanks to Mom ...
The last part (series) is a personal meeting between the president and the modest nun ...
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I copied the first part well. The second is complete crap.
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And more specifically? What exactly did not like?
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In the first part, a lot, sensibly and convincingly spelled out, as an adult woman suddenly recognizes the taste of sex with a young lover, besides a Caucasian, which gives an extra peppercorn.
In the second part, all this is reset and a sharp reversal of the plot is made. But somehow clumsy and unconvincing. It turns out an unexpected plot twist for the sake of an unexpected plot twist. Almost from the first paragraphs there is a feeling that you are reading some kind of mess up for housewives. Yesterday's zadrot sharply becomes the alpha male, and the macho as sharply becomes zadrot. You declared the struggle of the Leader and Macho is not. Just one chmorit another. Why all this pathos with numerous “cutting and sewing courses” (sarcasm) for making yourself an alpha male? Boxing for breaking the ambitions of the ill-fated mother fucker is quite enough. Well, we can add that Dimka threatened Gilani as his uncle from the FSB, if that, he was doing all of you and sending relatives to the tundra. :)
The final, in principle, is nothing. But before him, the fuck's up.
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Yes-ah ... the plot is unreal.
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Why is unreal?
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Shit.
And Galani still fucked his mom :)
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And for that, he rotted him
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So many negative reviews, but all abstract, not a single concrete one, at least a suggestion showed: what it is wrong. It seems that the disgruntled themselves saw ...
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Dear Padishah,
I will try to justify the negativity of my response specifically, without abstractness.
1. Writing and reading pornographic stories is in itself a slight sexual deviation, regardless of focus and content.
2. The excitement of reading stories arises not because readers see themselves as heroes of the story or dream to be in their place, but just, usually, in complete impossibility, unreality of the situations described in them for the average reader. Rape, incest, bissex, BDSM games, high from betraying a wife, hard and group sex, etc. Tabooing and “abnormality” excite exactly as a forbidden fruit, like something an ordinary person will never practice, what he fantasizes about for a change sexual life.
3. You take the plot of someone else's story, the heroes of which lead a sex life full of perversions:
- treason to her husband;
- sex with a minor;
- pregnancy from a person of a different nationality (Caucasians in pornoroshkazah took the place of blacks American porn - a kind of aggressive-savages, brutally fucking everything in a row);
- Vuyerism son, aimed at his mother;
- son - the lowest male, who is “not given”, weak and weak-willed, is doomed only to shamefully masturbate and envy successful eBars - a “humiliation” deviation.
4. You write the continuation of the story, in which you put everything upside down: all the “positive” heroes get rid of their weaknesses and deviations, that is, they become “normal” people, the “evil” is punished, full of happy end.Absurdity for pornorasskaza, because they are not written for moralizing. Your plot will suit the series for housewives, and not as a continuation of an extremely provocative story.
5. Complete deception of readers' expectations - and you are waiting for positive feedback and wondering at the negative?
If Daria Dontsova would start writing tough combat fantasy and offer it to middle-aged women - what would they say?
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Believe me, a person can really, working on himself, change himself. A vivid example - Raymond Pauls was the last alcoholic, and whom you yourself know. To become a leader like Dima. you only need 4 things;
1. DESIRE
2. Money.
3. Time
4. Respect for Authoritative Thieves
The last item is optional, but it reduces the time.
If a person is furious and has set a goal, he will achieve this MANDATORY! In addition, Dima was not so downtrodden. Just no experience. But now there are a lot of training activities.
Does the plot, where the wife has cancer facing the door, the husband comes in, stands with a hanging jaw, and she shows him a thumb and smiles, while the fuck continues — doesn’t excite?
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It seems to me that you troll as a continuation of the story, and responses to comments.
In life everything is possible, including the most incredible things, in a literary work perhaps even more than the impossible - for that, it is also literature.
The pathos of overcoming and working on yourself is completely out of place in the PORNO story. It is also ridiculous, as if the novel about Pavka Korchagin was built on sex: young and groovy Pavka fucks everything, then comes to the revolution and in parallel with the struggle against the world bourgeoisie does not let the girls get bored, forges the institute, etc. Bedridden with a serious illness, the young hero does not give up, he masters new techniques of sex; orders his former colleagues from a steam engine repair plant a mechanical dildo ...
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There is a betrayal, humiliation of the husband in front of her lover. By the way, you yourself in comments to the first part said that the husband should bend over and accept everything as it is. So why Gilani not bend before the relationship of his wife and Dimka? A specific question.
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I apologize. I confused, attributing to you other people's statements. Just did not find how to edit or delete your koment.
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Damn, but a great idea! Only the ending must be corrected: the Great Terror is coming, and the "Stalin falcons" are being fucked in the backside of the former "Hero of Revolution" in the dungeons of the NKVD. It is possible without details. But with pathos. There will be a bomb!
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And, in my opinion, the story is even nothing. Beautifully twisted plot. Sex is relatively small, but is compensated by the originality of the plot. If the first part is rather imitation, then the author's style is felt here. Sorry, but this is not for this site. Slightly remove the sex, cut about a third and you can easily print in a regular literary magazine. I am writing about the second part. The first part is too imitative, and therefore weak. Why caused such annoyance commentators - the answer on the surface - it can not be that an ordinary guy could put in the place of a brazen Caucasian / boor for quite a simple reason. In the era of political correctness and desire, and to step aside, you simply have to be not an ordinary person to be cowardly, but simply solve your problems yourself, and not wait for someone to decide for you. However, it is very reminiscent of the song of the Leningrad group about the fact that someone, well, loves something ...
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Have you watched the movie "Brigade"? Who was White and who became? And "Kalina Red"? This is true, even in deep Soviet times, when Caucasians were throughout the Union, women preferred thieves. Zeki very easily can really remove any woman. They even told me a case when a prisoner stole a girl from Caucasians, which they shot and brought to a hostel.
And now a question to those who put low originality: give links to such stories.
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I did not look at the “Brigade”, since I left it a long time ago, but “Kalina Krasnaya” is for all times. As for the Soviet times with their total poverty, there were quite a few women willing to sleep with any student from Africa or the Middle East (I hope I put it quite politically correct) for lunch at a restaurant in the Intourist system. As for Caucasians, somehow I rested on the voucher, and in the group there were a couple of guys from Georgia. All the women ran after them, since they, for sleeping, took them to restaurants. Sorry, but this is from a slightly different opera. After that, they also ask where the roots of prostitution are. As for your story, I saw something different in it. It doesn't matter how the guy decided to pay - it was MOTIVE. More importantly, in order to accomplish THIS PURPOSE, he, working on himself, has ceased to be a beast about which his feet are wiped. Yes, the path to the cons is wrong and immoral. More importantly, talking about the fact that nothing depends on us is an excuse. It seems to me that you hooked to the living those who wrote negative reviews, because they justify their existence with this excuse. The trick is that you wrote not just “came-stuck-gone”, but in this case, willy-nilly, those who read try on for themselves. And the last. Someone wrote that this is for Channel One. Exactly the opposite. Viewers of this channel, just, and live this excuse.
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Thank you for your support, but here, where it was written that Dimka “has ceased to be a beast, about which they wipe their feet”? He was a simple average guy, hanging out with all his peers on a par. Just was still a virgin. But he set a goal - to grow in all areas. In our time - this is not a problem. For example, those who are unlucky in meeting girls are coming to pickup artist trainings, but come out as real “Casanovs”
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Just wondering, do you (about training pick up artists) speak from personal experience? Or advertising? Some kind of assessment that looks like a sectarian. Replace the “pickup artist trainings” with “the sermon of the Church of the Witnesses of the Bright Huy” - and you will not see the difference.
Just say, we don’t want to offend the author, we simply expressed doubt, but to doubt is the fundamental quality of rational matter.
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The author did not like the story of the virtual kukoldam, and so well done the plot changed. By the way, I think it is real, this can happen, although not so quickly.
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Good humorous story. Indeed, what is there to blame the author? Just a friend has a peculiar sense of humor.
For this anecdote: “- Yes, in your veins there is a good knight's blood, which you will see in your peers ... Well, I will teach you to live in a wicked wedge. l ”-“ thieves knight ”, generally five plus.
Exact banter on the "real boys" and "thieves romance out"))
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I wonder how you can become an authority without even being administratively arrested?
no one paints specifics because the story is so delusional that it will be easier to write a new one than to give a detailed review on each item of the nonsense.
and even more so no one will do it because you are so confident in your genius that the time spent on it will be stupidly flushed down the toilet.
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"I wonder how you can become an authority without even being administratively arrested?" Have you read carefully? For him, Mazu was pulled ...
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agrees with the user 74, except to put the story in a humorous, to at least make a good face on a bad game
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I want to explain to the author why I did not like the second part of the story. I really liked the first story, but the second one was a complete disappointment. The reasons are actually many. Therefore, the answer will be long.
Firstly, and this is the main reason, the plot discrepancy of the first and second story. The first story was about Tatiana and her sexual awakening with a young Chechen. That is, Tatiana was the main character of the first story and her feelings, motivation and actions are well explained and have their own logic. The main storyline of the first story is the transformation of the faithful mature lady "with a Soviet upbringing" into a sexually liberated woman with a sweeping lust for the young male. Tatiana thus turns from a faithful wife and caring mother into a sexy aunt who knows her worth and learns to manipulate men. In the course of the first story, Tatiana loses respect for her husband, yells at him on the phone, and tells him that they “are going to have a serious conversation.” At this time, Dimka turns into a kukold son contemplating his mother with a Caucasian and receiving a certain pleasure from a father who has betrayed her mother. Moreover, Tatiana becomes pregnant by Gilani. The whole logic of the first story implies that the second part will be the continuation of these storylines.
And what did the author do? He decided to cover all the main savory lines of the first story and wrote a story on a completely different subject. This is what caused the negative feedback from readers. That is, the readers expected that the second story would also be about Tatiana and her sex life, pregnancy, and a qualitatively new relationship with her husband and son. And what do we see in the second story? Tatyana quickly falls under the authority of her son and cowardly makes an abortion. Of course, I understand that most women in her situation would also have an abortion, but then why was it necessary to write about pregnancy at all if the author was not going to give this moment an interesting continuation? But pregnancy was the main plot plot of the first story. With the same success, you could just write that Tatiana was lucky and she did not fly at all.
Tatiana, in this way, quickly turns back from an unfettered aunt into a faithful wife who gives only to her husband. That is, the whole storyline of the first story is reduced to nothing by the author, which causes complete bewilderment among the readers. Then, why should Tatiana, who had completely lost her head from the genital organ Gilani in the first story (which is described in sufficiently detailed descriptions), would suddenly want to have sex with her husband? Because the sexologist explained to her husband how to use his little dick? But then why was it necessary to make such an emphasis on the size of Gilani's member in the first story, if in the second we find out that “size does not matter,” and the cuckold hubby can turn out to satisfy Tatiana with her smaller member even more than Gilani? Ie the storyline of the first story loses all meaning.
Well, the last. Tatiana in the second story quickly recedes into the background, and then disappears altogether. This automatically makes the second story uninteresting, since the main “heroine” has disappeared. In the second story, the author writes about turning his son into authority and his humiliation of Gilani. But for this storyline there are NO prerequisites in the first story. Moreover, it is hard to believe that the Chechen Gilani would have lost to Dimka like this. Dimka can have a godfather "authority" from the thieves' world, but Gilani did not have any connections with the Chechen mafia? Especially when you consider that his stepfather is the owner of a whole camp site?
In general, I hope that the time that I spent on this writings will not be wasted, and the author will take my words in mind.
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I agree with the critic. I will add that the author began to advertise the so-called “pick-up courses”, where acne nerds go and then they go on their heels. Juicy mother in general thrown out of the plot.
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I agree with the author did everything right
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