“Great, fucking just great,” I thought about what was happening with such thoughts.

I remembered that as if it had happened yesterday, even though in fact I had only been sitting for about 15 minutes. A beautiful girl takes an interest in me, and even scatters with hints like a deputy with promises. There was not one logical reason for this behavior. Although, maybe I did not understand everything and imagined myself here? Yes, most likely it is. Just for a long time I have not seen a girl who can not be downloaded, so he got excited. By the way, about it. Maya pyramid in the pants did not think to disappear, as its civilization, and prevented to go out fortified. Glory to Tesla, over the years of my career as a professional porn taster, I learned to hide the slightest signs of interest in girls. Raising the flag up and pressing down with a belt, pulled the t-shirt lower and, with a feeling that this incomprehensible situation would soon end, I wandered off to the exit.

On the street was already a typical Slavic feast. Here you and kebabs on the grill, which apparently just someone lying in their pockets, or they always get to know each other. Here and potatoes cooked hastily mother. And of course, probably from the bag of Felix, vodka and wine. In general, all of the old, Orthodox traditions. Although there were some funny innovations, such as my little brother, whom I affectionately call the lid, who was staring at the asses of the sisters and trying to drive to Rita. With difficulty restraining laughter and a desire to make a joke about the negligible chance of his success, my inner Jedi Order made the decision to quickly poke and topple. So while the parents of the neighbors thought it would be more appropriate to comment on my appearance, I already finished the first skewers and a plate of potatoes. At the same moment, near the village of Alice, wished to enjoy your meal (probably wants me, but not, it seems), and reached for the wine.

Immediately everyone began to pour themselves, even the small one begged for some blood of dead grapes, except for me. After it was Christmas, I firmly decided not to take a drop in my mouth anymore. Having ridiculed with ambiguity and having put 1 more portion while everyone was drinking, I became the witness of their smartest stories about life. Glory to Bor, the mayonnaise quickly ended. I came up with a couple of stupid jokes, the mother gave small money to run to the store, but this pathetic waste of amino acids began to ache in a typical manner “I don’t want, I won’t.” In order to get rid of the torture of their drinking conversations, I agreed, but Alice decided to go with me, ostensibly to find out where we have a shop here. You can think about what it takes next for years, but there’s no sense in lack of data. I had to do a terrible thing - to communicate with her:

“Um ... well ... this ... you and your sister are both beautiful." (Hitler would have shot himself the second time hearing my yummy)

- Thank you, really, I think that it’s still worth losing weight a little and straightening your hair. I was told that it would be better.

The hand reached to the face, but I managed to restrain myself and I tried to explain to her as politely as possible what she said - the words of the blunt-naked hole:

“Well ... uh ... no. However, you must understand that you are so beautiful, and being too thin can be harmful. Yes, and straight hair, they are like pasta, stupidly hang and everything, there is no volume, well, and then something - there is not yet there. (no, better Hitler would have shot me, and only then himself, again)

- So you like me just like that? - Alice asked, smiling at all 32.

What does she mean? It's a hint? This is a test? I finally went mad sitting at home and talking to myself? It didn't make sense to hammer such a garbage on. It's like removing a patch, you just need to do it sharply and endure the consequences:

- Listen, let's clean. What do you mean by saying that I like you and that I am good?

- Actually, this is what I mean, why do you have a strange reaction?

- Because girls do not like zadroty like me, especially so chic like you.And of course they do not say that on the first day of their acquaintance. That's why I think something is wrong here.

After these words, she laughed, while her heart pounded with the speed of a woodpecker's beak, threatening to break her ribs.

- You certainly look strange, but you have interesting hobbies, you are not stupid and quite cute.

The level of distrust on my face could be compared only with the level of pressure at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. Probably from the outside it looked very funny or very stupid.

Having bought cold butter and egg sauce, we headed back while I was still in shock. We must make sure:

- So you consider me attractive? (a little jaw did not reduce while I said this)

- Well, yes, why are you so grimacing? You have strange problems with self-esteem.

Well, it was a hell of a strange day and can not be worse. Although the stop, maybe as usual, I personally got ready to worsen it. I stopped, grabbed Alice by the hand and inhaled deeply (and saying goodbye to Phobos and Deimos) - I kissed her passionately. Not that I wouldn’t have any experience at all in these matters, after all I went to school and of course I didn’t think about studying there. It was just that the experience was a one-off and only a couple of times, so I was not going to show some skill and experience. Just had to check the veracity of her words. If she lied, she would just give me a ball, complain to the parents, they will talk with mine, they will write everything, I will bribe the judge and I will sit for life, where I’ll have sex in my heart. And if I told the truth, it would just give me the balls of unexpected impudence, and it would all end again in the shower. Yes, stupid idea, that's what happens when you think about girls only. But I was wrong. Alice seemed to like it, she reciprocated, and unlike me, she really worked well with her mouth.

After a couple of minutes of awkward kisses in the style of 5th graders, we recoiled each other and there was a silent silence, as in the Examiner. In my fantasies, this moment with her exa-sexual girlfriend already gave me a blowjob, but I had no plan for a real intimate moment. Well, who would have thought that such a thing would happen? She spoke first:

- Are you always so sharp?

- No, I just ... well ... uh ... panicked.

- Do you always kiss girls when you panic? She asked, holding back a laugh. I can not blame her

- No, I just wanted to check if you were telling the truth.

- Why would I lie to you? Seriously, with such complexes, some girl would hardly like you. But I like you. - and with these words, she pressed herself a little against me, while I thought why the Devil had driven me to a sweet and loving girl for so long. I sold my soul at school and not once. And not only yours.

Trying to hide any emotions, I sat down to eat again. Alice finished her second glass of wine and stroked my foot with her foot. And I tried to think about whether different colors of sunlight can move at different speeds? And then trying to understand what we see in the singularity? In general, anything, just not to think about the tipsy sweet girl next, who made it clear that she wants me, because from this guess where Olympus grew. But, since I didn’t solve her dark plan and I can’t figure it out yet, but she’s not averse to working with her mouth for me (what a space for daun jokes) - it means I can take advantage of the situation and enjoy it. Alice was obviously having fun, so having decided to forge the iron while it was drunk, I got up and invited her to teach me how to play the Pantera Walk. After listening to the lecture of my father, that my stupid songs are not interesting to her, it would be better if I played something human, we left.

Of course, it was only by entering the room that I took the initiative again and we started kissing as we walked towards the bed. Yes, doing this with a real girl is much more pleasant. That just had to do like finches in the Galapagos - to evolve. Having decided that easy pinging would not hurt, I was faced with the problem that in the process of kissing a girl it is very difficult to google how and what to do. I had to work at random. Putting 1 clumsy rude on the head, and the second on the back, I pressed her to me, so I felt her nipples through the clothes.She probably smelled my Empire State Building and lowered her hand from her back lower, into a more interesting place. Events developed rapidly and without tearing off her lips, Alice was already ironing my hair with one hand, while the other one went down to Smaug. All the same, sticking off from me, she began to penetrate the hand inside. asking:

“I wonder if you have long hair down too?”

- No, there I am bald. Well, summer, heat, sweat ... - and I shut up, knowing that I was spoiling the moment.

Smiling at her sweet smile, she pulled down her pants and sportswomen and saw my Balrog - horror hidden in the darkness. She laughed a little, but then realized how offensive it looked, reassured me that the size was normal, just a funny shape, similar to baobab. It's funny, but just this nature did not cheat me. According to her plan, I was supposed to be a bull-inseminator, since the 18-cm unit was also thick, plus I wandered, on average, 3 times a day, depending on my mood. So here I was confident in myself, especially since the articles on the Internet advised me to be courageous and persistent. I also saw so much porn that I already knew more about sex than the creators of the Kama Sutra, only in theory.

Alice began a vertical movement with her tender hand. Yes, it is much more pleasant to pull at my bell tower than with my Bagger 288. She started laughing again and I asked what this time:

- Your head looks like a plum.

- Well, taste it. - only after I said this, I realized that it is stupidly heard.

But Alice liked it and she decided to try it. Going straight down to him, she began to gently lick him, then she clasped her lips, but continued to work with her tongue. This is fucked up, nothing more to say. I put my hand on her head and began to press a little, from which my Big Mask began to go deeper and deeper into her pleasant mouth. But there was 1 problem. According to statistics, 95% of guys somehow screwed up during sex and as it turned out I am 95%. This was to be expected that after the longing in the panties all morning and the most pleasant actions of the female mouth, I suddenly ended up for both of us in her mouth. As in good, but short, porn. Alice was a Zeta-well done and swallowed everything, after which I realized that I was just lucky. “The mermaid is a demon naked” - I said the line from the song Mermaid, the group “Rotting Christ” and immediately explained to Alice about his joke after the orgasm to sing 1 line of some song from the head. It went so from the fact that I sometimes watched porn with music and developed a conditioned reflex. Alice laughed as usual and I kissed her again. After that she said:

- Wow, and you are not squeamish.

- Yes, I am like this. Forgive me for being so fast, this is out of habit, plus I immediately liked you and you are very good and generally I can calmly, I can prove, for half an hour. - I began to make excuses. But we heard her mother calling her and kissing goodbye, she ran away. And I lay and lybilsya so I almost broke my mouth. I would have to dye my hair green, put my lipstick on my mom, and the kids would have white chalk and confuse people with questions about the origin of my scars.

All the same, it is very strange, but at the same time - all of a sudden this is the sudden luck for which American youth comedies prepared for me? Having decided to stop at this, I just lay there and thought, as it were, to better network on the network in front of my zadrotnymi friends. It was necessary then to continue to look for motives, but the flesh is weak and I always thought too much about sex.