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dance. Not many even very good dancers are able to adapt so quickly to changes in music. Now he was tossing about like in a fever, spinning like a top and smiling blissfully as soon as his gaze met Shane.
- He is blue, yes? - I leaned over to the ear of the son.
“Yeah, there’s a bit,” Shane changed the beat again — this time he began to look like flamenco.
The doll violently flooded with heels, its movements became sharper and clearer.
“I thought so,” I put my foot on the arm of the next chair, threw Betty on my knee, and began to play.
He paused for a moment, and then continued the dance, but he was already looking at me intently. He was still smiling, but his eyes became stern and inquisitive.
Shane stopped clapping and stared at me too. And I bit my lip and turned away.
The hand of the son lay on my shoulder:
- What happened, dad?
I gasped out convulsively, threw the guitar into the chair and ran out into the corridor ...
No, it is unbearable! Not only should I kill him, I should also look into his eyes!
Shane caught me near the stairs:
- What's wrong with you, dad?
At this point, the clock in the parade hall struck eleven times. And, although we were quite far away, and the beats sounded muffled, each of them seemed to beat right into my heart.
“Leave me alone,” I snapped, and in one jump I descended the stairs.
My father was standing at the corner of the corridor, his back against the wall:
“Do you trust me, Trent?”
- And this is what the person who makes me kill my own son is asking me? - I smiled bitterly.
- Just do it. So it will be better ... for everyone ... - he lowered his head.
“But I don’t have to be with him before ...?”
- Is not obliged to...
“I don’t have to endure you ...”
- Not...
- In that case, leave me alone ... - I closed my eyes.
Yes, I will do it, but I have to prepare ...
With the first stroke of midnight, I was transported to the corridor at the door of Shane's room. He was just climbing the stairs. Following him rose a doll. They chatted merrily and laughed loudly. Another hit. They climbed into the corridor. One more...
My hand, without waiting for the order of the head, darted forward, with the spent movement it pierced my rib cage and plunged into the heat of its insides. And before I could figure out what was happening, his heart was already beating on my palm.
- Pa ...? - he did not finish and fell at my feet. Blood gushing from a hole in his chest.
The next second there was a cry of a doll, the door creaked behind my back. And the last thing I saw when I was transferred to the library were his judging eyes ...
I entered just in time - the clock in the hall was struck for the sixth time.
Shane's heart was still unevenly cut in my hand. My father silently pointed out the sacrificial cup to me. I laid the organ slowly bleeding into it and was about to leave, but he held my hand.
I went to the fireplace.
The clock stopped beating. And suddenly something slammed behind my back. I knew that it broke out the heart of my son. Marolight accepted the sacrifice. And tears besides my will flowed down my cheeks.
Father patted me on the back:
- Go to sleep, Trent ...
- I promised that I would leave ...
- Wait till the morning ...
And then the door swung open, letting the light from the corridor into the library.
“Shane ...” the doll exhaled and fell silent, apparently looking around.
“I know,” said his father calmly.
“You didn't understand,” his voice sounded bewildered. - He has gone.
- How did you disappear? - I turned to him.
He pressed his head into his shoulders:
- I do not know. I ... when you ... well, I sat him against the wall ... he was still breathing ... I wanted to call for help ... I hardly escaped from his hands ... I turned around from the turn, but his was no longer ...
“Funny,” smiled his father. - I increasingly like these Spiynik ...
I wanted to clarify what he had in mind, but suddenly I felt that I did not have enough air.And then in the darkest corner it became even darker.
My father abruptly grabbed the doll by the hand and me. Breathing became easier, and the room brightened noticeably.
Marolayt stood in the black shadow that I remembered him - just as colossal and inevitable.
“You deceived me,” there was no emotion in his voice, but it was easy to guess his mood.
- Do you seriously believed that I would give you my grandson? - his father glowed even brighter than usual, and the light of his aura continued to flare up.
“Then give me the doll,” Marolight demandingly extended his hand.
“No,” his father pushed him behind his back. “He is no longer a doll, and I will not give him to you.” Did you want Shane's heart? You got it. Now get out of here. I don't owe you anything.
Father's aura grew brighter. Marolight tried to resist, but his strength was clearly not enough. As the library grew brighter, it shrank and turned pale until it melted away.
“Well, that's it, Ralfi,” father released my hand and turned to the doll ... sorry, to Ralfi, “you are now our debtor, but most of all you owe Trent and Shane.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” the guy bowed his head submissively.
- Go to your chambers, - father smiled graciously. “In the morning, you’ll go to Julian’s order.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Ralfi left the library and closed the door behind him.
“You too go to sleep,” my father tiredly patted me on the shoulder. “Shane will still need time ...”
- How do you know?
“Well, he's your son,” the father smiled and sat down heavily in the chair. - Like you, he has two hearts. Only the human is very small and well hidden. Therefore, like you, it is almost impossible to kill him ...
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Is this all? (I am filled with bitter tears) ... :)
It is time to combine individual stories about these characters into something one big.
10!
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In fact, laid out here are pieces of the very “something one big”;)
Thank you, Sanya)))))
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And somewhere there is the biggest?)
If possible, a reference in PM)
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The pieces are laid out here and there, but I have not laid it out completely yet ...
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Behind the ears plot, dry dialogues. Cheap threesome melodrama.
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Oh, objective criticism is good)))) Thank you))))
And the assessment is something not set?
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Sorry for your fans with mass hysteria in your head.
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Do my fans have mass hysteria? That you, that you, tantrums among my fans do not linger)))))) More precisely, they don’t even finish reading the usual)))))))
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One fan has become more, as I see)
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Rybkin, your assessment is not just a stamp, but a rubbed stamp. Where did the plot have ears and write me an example of wet dialogs ...
Dohera you constructive critics. Here are just critics in your "criticism" no ...
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So, Uncle Pasha, keep yourself in hand, ok? Calmly The man expressed his opinion, I heard him.
Now speak out;)
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Well, who was right, all adequate? You should have slapped the top ten. You are a cruel woman, but you offered to take care of your chitak.
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Well, so they said, as if a dozen are straight count))))))
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My, something, lost. No, even the pieces almost make up a mosaic. But something interferes. Perhaps the fact that all the pieces are "mastered" ...
However, all the same 10 set.
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Thank you, Li)))))
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You see, you can even write, I still slapped the top ten, and what, otherwise the gap pattern, panic. And UG shvaivaet, if only to save the skull.
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Abydna, yes ...
Offer to register under the left nickname?
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Why produce clowns? They will begin to praise everything, suspecting the beloved author in each new member.
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Well, you will not catch you;)
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Equally badly perceive and flattery and sarcasm. Maybe it's better to write under your own name, but high-quality reading?
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I am writing as I can)))) Under my nickname, I don’t keep others ...
And I apologize if you saw flattery or sarcasm in my words - neither the first nor the second was planned ...
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You can do better, right? Or do you value this part? Honestly, how much would you put for "this"?
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I have a lot of hidden talents))))
But I am prejudiced - this is my favorite hero, if only because he doesn’t look like me at all)))))) Therefore, hand in hand, I would give him nine - in some moments, yes, he replays))) )))
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The inverted nine, I hope?
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No, the usual: - [
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I do not want disputes under the story, and yet I will answer. For this is my "attached" to my comment.
I will clarify my position, that is, my “comment”, since it seems that AntonRybkin is not clear:
- Yes, I put 10, and not because it is an assessment of the author, but because it is my assessment of all three stories in general. Although I really wanted to read the missing parts of this story, but I highly appreciate those present.
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Li, I ask you, it is not worth it;) Everyone has the right to their opinion. Yours are completely understandable, at least to me. Anton's opinion is also understandable. They are different, but both have a place to be.
Why not? Diversification, epta))))))
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I rated at 9 points. The story, of course, hooked, attracted attention. But I didn’t appreciate the “yes” readability. Just because there was a feeling that I was missing a lot. Something is missing. Perhaps it was necessary to lay out not excerpts, but the entire text entirely? It is worthy to be seen.
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"The entire text" is about eight hundred of the Word's pages, which are still to be cleaned and cleaned ... I would not spread all this ... Therefore, I post small "afterwords" ...
Anyway, thanks for the rating and for the comment;)
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800 pages? !!! So this is a novel! Yes, I imagine how much editing will take) But it is necessary! I’ve been digging around my text for a year, but now I’ve started to upload it.
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There are actually eight novels, two stories and four stories ... this is in the main part ... and plus what lies here ...%)
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Richly))) Especially it is necessary to bring to mind and show people. I would not stand all this "in myself" to wear)))
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I don’t wear it - it lies quietly in a hidden daddy, it doesn’t ask for food)))))) I sometimes appeal to it, read it, correct it a little ... but rarely - time is needed, but it isn’t ...
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Yes, time, time ... Always it is not enough! And so many ideas wandering in my head)
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Nekki, you overreacted with tearfulness in this part :) Some of the overly sensitive demons came from you.In other parts they were brutally tender, and here Santa is direct - Barbara))) I did not have at the beginning either the dynamics of the plot, or the tragedy and depth of feelings of the father and grandfather.
The previous parts about the doll, I repent, did not read, maybe that is why I didn’t drive because of such a fuss.
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Some kind of thin criticism turned out ... not convincing)))) Two of you, a citizen of Julie, sit down and prepare for the next lesson better))))))
* whisper * Thank you))))))
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And it barely squeezed out of myself))) Alas, I don’t know how to swear at Anton, I don’t have a philological education, I just didn’t see the fleas (there aren’t most likely). The plot remains. Here he smeared some. If you compare with the heat of the Syndrome, then just an essay for grade 5 :)
But, after all, the text is literate in all respects, readable, and drawing a picture in the head, how can it be scattered around?
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Well I say - replays))) No, he is good, but replays)))))
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Did not quite understand what this phrase is about:
- Amusing, - the father smiled. - I still love these Scientists more.
I have already managed to forget in what element the slain is strong.
I love short stories, but when there are long breaks between parts, much is forgotten.
As for 800 pages, I will say this: I would not read such a Talmud, niasililby. And small pieces are readable. The doll in three parts is no worse than other stories, it has its own charm: not many events, but simple human feelings dominate: kinship and affection, love and sacrifice, sense of duty, moral principles, and finally, cold calculation. The author’s indifference to his heroes, if not to say, falling in love, is fully felt.
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About the elementalists - I specifically searched, and did not find it (maybe I looked badly). Most likely, this is from the part of the mosaic that did not get here.
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Shane can call to the elements. But the main element is fear. Element twins - fire and cold?
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No, fear is Dema, and Shane can control all the elements, but can not generate them. Gemini - fire and air, more precisely, air flows))))
About Shane's abilities, see Adventure in Alavir, about twins in the Rain))))))
And yes, here I think I didn’t call him the Spiderman: - [
Shl unexpected interest in the topic attracted by the ears ... hmm ...
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Did I really talk about the topic? It seems only about the plot to this story. Inattention is contagious.
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Then everything is clear))))) And even your offended tone;) Sorry, but here the logic of the plot development was just that;)
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Do you want a pull? You decided to get out of the original ending, but save everyone's life. With fuck, did Trent so worried about the death of his son, if he knew about the practical indestructibility. What a mess with a guitar. Or you have attracted the presence of two hearts, or frustration and snot. And think for yourself, the dialogues are still impersonal. The story failed, praise you will be without it.
Would you like to wipe out all my comments. And I thought that sane.
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The funny thing is that I did not ask anyone for anything, this time.
Two, Trent did not know about Shane's indestructibility.
As for the other claims, I admit ...
Shl about the comments, there is a moderator here, who sees the ratings, which put comments. I have already noticed more than once - when the commentary has many drawbacks, it is deleted. Yes, and if the comments contain personal insults ...
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The confusion does not adorn the story. Soon you will start getting confused.
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I'm already boiling in this ... it's scary to say - no, I won't start getting confused))))))
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I repent ... I sprinkle ashes on my head ... pure graphomania ...
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That's the same, the wisest Mr. Pornographer told you at the beginning of your slippery slope, so that the public, who was not tempered by the fantasy twists, did not tempt in vain. God forbid, indigestion will begin or worse: your hands will shake and will not be able to masturbate ... Horror ...
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Yes, I had to obey and leave then immediately. But no - inborn stubbornness did not allow. Now I suffer)))))
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I liked it, read easily.
Although as a piece of the film, the previous parts have not yet read.
Competently, a clear picture of what is happening.
A pinch of gurias was missing. Only for contrast.
Same-sex atmosphere and perhaps a blue doll the only thing I could find fault with.
And to the favorite chair, I do not know why)
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Well, I’m saying, the Guries didn’t screw, they didn’t want to sit down even on the copper wire (((I didn’t read about it? I read the first part - he said;)
He quibbles, you see)))))
Thank ;)
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I did not mean the Furies, but the Hury. They are virgin!
I began to reread, I remembered)
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Guria, though virgin, but still not screwed, so ...
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In my opinion, an amateur.
The storyline is generally original.
But the time gap between the parts does not play on you. Yesterday I had to reread the previous parts, so that I could even get a grip - was it like this, and what was it eaten with?
Is it possible for your regular reader to give free rein to fantasy? Please, I'm just a little bit, well, just a little.
My mind played the scene of bloody revenge - the instigator of which would be deceived Marolight. Where through dreams, or sudden vision will put pressure on the doll's mind. He will see a not guilty girl (from the first part) calling to save her from the kingdom of death. Every day, as the water wears away the stone, the consciousness of the doll will sooner or later reach the desired condition. In the visions there will be an image of a certain warlock capable of performing the ritual of resurrection. Marolayt will change the image, presented in front of the doll in a different guise. He will be helpful, will promise the doll to resurrect the girl. According to the classics of the genre, he will ask for a response service, for the ritual of full resurrection you will need some kind of artifact, which you must “borrow” for a while. So that the doll could perform the task, left unnoticed, the false warlock, will give the doll a strange wand whose activation will make it possible to lull the guards, and freely take the artifact. The doll feels that everything is not right, but cannot stop in the middle of the road.
Going back to the castle, he feels like a traitor, and he sees censure everywhere. Entering the right room, immediately activates the rod. He had no prior to dealing with magic, wonders how easy it all turned out. The guard falls into anabiosis, the path is clear, the minutes and the necessary room are found, and there is an artifact in it. The hand is almost touched, and at that moment the door opens wide - on the threshold is a huge guard in which Ralph feels tremendous strength. - What are you doing here boy ?! Who gave you this ... Deep fear breaks out and the doll without stopping begins to cast a spell, directing the rod in the direction of the guard. A moment, and it's over, the guard fell. There was no understanding in his eyes, and no belief in what was happening. The invisible veil that overshadowed the mind dissipates and, instead of the faceless dead guard, the grandfather's body lies on the floor. (Father of the Creator and Trent) Silent cry, and despair. One thought - to run.The whole castle covers anxiety, in the air, vibrations of energy soar. The doll no one stops. Resorting to the appointed place, and seeing the magician from the back, Ralph, without restraining his emotions, shouts that he has failed. At this moment, Marolight turns, and appears before him in true guise. - No, man, you did everything as it should - bursting with an ominous laugh.
- And here is your reward - what was once the body of Lucy, became a zombie - returned, as promised - grinning, says Marolayt.
Hatred, and thirst for revenge, the doll tries to activate the rod, directing it to the liar. But in vain. “You did what the stupid doll was created for, the blood in your veins, the blood of your father, the blood of a demon, helped release death from the rod for your relative, but I'm already dead.”
Marolight opens the portal and disappears.
Thank you both for the story and for making me dream.
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Thank you for making me laugh))))
I will not borrow the idea - all the same, ultimately, my cockroaches will lead me the other way)))))
Well, and, of course, the presence of a regular reader, who was not lazy and re-read all the parts, flatter me immensely))))))
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in a dream come cockroaches
and the one that was killed by me
I read a cockroach
sob)
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Exactly-exactly))))
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