Dear readers, what you will read now, some of you may consider plagiarism, especially if you read an art book, I don’t remember what the name is and who the author wrote, allegedly on real events and, allegedly, a real metro driver. But I assure you, this is all mine and to one degree or another applies to me. Perhaps that book is also written by a real machinist, so listen.

I have been working as an electric train driver in the Moscow metro for several years. Many people think that the metro driver is just sitting in the cab and pulling the handle. We pull, yes, but mostly at home and something else. So what to do? People we are usually lonely. Think for yourself what kind of girl would stand if, for example, I leave for work early this morning, tomorrow - in the evening, the day after tomorrow I have a night shift and a day off for me - when she works. Although, with my salary, she can not work. Ay, girls, if that, it was such a thin hint, but oh well.

“Meet at least someone at last,” my mother says to me endlessly.

And how do I get to know if I constantly scare the girls on the street. We have an instruction - to pronounce with the voice everything that we see when working on the line. To duplicate the testimony of traffic lights with a voice, this is a semaphore on the “piece of iron”, and we have traffic lights; road signs, approach to the station and so on. And out of habit, I repeat everything I see!

- On the right I see a blonde!

- On the left I see a brunette

- Ahead redhead!

Meet here, of course!

And if the unthinkable happened and you still met a girl, and she still stayed with you at night - this fucking red light on the TV will set you up when he is in sleep mode. At night, from a dream, it may seem to you that this red light is a prohibitive signal of a traffic light and you fly it at full speed! No, of course there is a hitchhiking and all that, but in any case - you will kick a red fare not only for a train job, but for a job from your ass, this is not for you before. And, in general, you start pulling an imaginary handle of a move, a stop-tap, but in fact you pull a girlfriend by the hand, by the leg or something else ... In general, this is how I broke up with two girls, they after that they didn’t answer my calls, but I never flew red! I love my job, but my son, if I ever have one, which, however, is less and less likely every day, I don’t let me work as a subway engineer, honestly!

Or, you know, the light switches in the apartment when the overhead light is off - a red light is on, again it. When I walk around the apartment in the dark, and I generally like to move in the dark, probably out of habit again, I see it, then I stop and wait for the green. Well at least, no one sees this.

When I cross the road and see a red traffic light, there are no cars, I try to contact the dispatcher and get permission to pass red, everyone crosses the road, and I stand and “call” ...

In general, carefully, the doors are closed, the next station ... I go pull the “handle” and go to my favorite job.