the silver fox emphasized the brightness of the hair and set off the aristocratic pallor of the skin. Svetlana Arnoldovna straightened Vlad's shirt collar in a businesslike manner. He whispered something in her ear, she smiled back. Vera decided not to wait for the evening and die on the spot.

“Stuntman,” snapped Gorbunov, “come here.”
The blonde looked at their company in surprise and removed her hand from Dzarovsky's elbow. While he was walking toward them, Vera learned to breathe again. Step - inhale, step - exhale. Stopped, now break lungs. The girl sighed so loudly that everyone looked at her in surprise.
- Vladya, - Irka rushed to him first, - and Pyotr Sergeevich tomorrow gathers a group. Will you come? Our Vassenka gave birth to another netenka.
The Pole greeted Gorbunov, and Verochka was once again surprised at how similar they were. Only Serega is slightly shorter and wider at the shoulders. And why it did not occur to her to fall in love with the first line in the credits.
“Hello, Vera,” and why does he say these simple words in such a way that his heart pushes against his heels, how are you?
Your main role in life, Trubina Vera. If you are now crying in front of everyone, then it’s best to cut your veins right away. The mediocre actress of you.

“Excellent, Vladislav Kazimirovich,” I wanted to howl, but the smile turned out to be beyond praise, “I heard that you were approved for the main role.” Svetlana Arnoldovna has already signed the project.
Eyebrows Dzarovsky raised in surprise.
- Someone will tell me what the film will be about? What secrets?
Gorbunov exchanged glances with Irka.
- That you ask your Madame.

Pyotr Sergeevich was busy looking through the script. Nonsense, of course, vegetable oil, but space funding. The producer ordered not to save on special effects, cast and costumes. Vasi Komogortsev's epic creation slightly, however, resembled pornography from historical times. Like "Caligula", or "Messalina", but who and when was embarrassed? The most important thing is that huge money was allocated for this business. For such a budget, the director himself was ready to play, but the build did not allow.
Here, for example:

“Scene number 123.
The first thing I want to tell you, Peter Sergeevich, is that you have the amazing ability to spoil even the best thing. Honestly, only the request of my dear Svetlana Arnoldovna made me give this script to you. I was persistently called with him to Lenfilm.

Brilliant Venus (R. A .: do you want to tell me that by the word “brilliant” you mean Trubin?) enters the room where naked Mars sleeps on the floor. She admires his perfect body (Where? Show me your finger, where is the Pole's perfection? In addition to biceps, of course). Silently approaches him, runs his fingers across his powerful chest (? !! I'm sorry to repeat), caresses flat stomach and slips hand between legs. The answer is a quiet moan of a non-awakening husband. Naughty goddess (Are you sure this is about Trubin?) begins to excite his insatiable husband, admiring his huge (Do you want to tell me about Dzarovsky?) rising dignity. Mars smiles, without opening his eyes, and hugs Venus (there should be a close up of the male biceps. You can borrow from the Pole). Lays down on the floor, removes her tunic, kisses her bare breasts ( about Trube's chest, I wrote to you back in Jaws). Suddenly, the door opens and Mercury flies into the room (I hope it will be Gorbunov !!!).
“How beautiful it is, brother,” he says to Mars, “you have a great spouse.”
“Join me, brother,” Mars replies, and sees the eyes of Venus flare.

“Fie on you, Vasya,” the director thought, “if it wasn't for Arnoldovna with her money, I would have pasted over the toilet with your script. But double the fees of the entire film crew ...Yes, how else to persuade Dzarovsky for the role of Mars. But with Vera, however, something needs to be done. Irina bitten off in two from her still turned out, but she does not pull on Venus. On this herself Arnoldovna would fit. Moreover, with the Pole she has everything in the ointment. But you will not agree, fifa ".

When Peter Sergeevich read the script for the tenth time, he understood Vasin's thought. She was buried very deep, but she was. The plot of the drama from the life of the Roman gods shook its simplicity and chastity.
A cyclope disgusting appearance fell in love with the goddess Aurora. When this brave girl once again came out of the reservoir, dressed, as expected, only in the dawn of the morning, he plunged her into his dirty cave. Obeying animal instincts, the monster chained the goddess to the wall and satisfied her lust several times a day. A week later (? !!) the absence of a sister was noticed by Mercury. Periodically circling the Earth in his winged sandals, he tried to find his beloved relative, but his search, as usual, was not crowned with success. The mutual relations between blood relatives were complicated by the fact that Mercury was in love with the wife of his brother Mars, and in combination with his cousin. At the request to help find Aurora, the malicious Venus refused. Then the unfortunate turned to Mars, he agreed with the condition that later Mercury marries Venus. Because the very god of war has long been sunk into the soul of a mortal woman - a certain Xena - the Queen of the Amazons. And in order not to postpone the matter indefinitely, and to incline Venus to a new marriage, it was supposed to arrange a so-called. "Swedish family". Perhaps she will like it, and she will give a military officer a divorce.

Mars entered the Cyclops Cave under the guise of a wandering musician. He decided to entertain his tortured captive romantic ballad. Once inside, the battle of war destroyed the lustful monster with lightning, freed Aurora, and handed Mercury over to me.
Venus, of course, fell in love with a younger and more attractive cousin, Mars decided not to fall to the ground and married the rescued goddess of the morning dawn.
“Damn,” thought the director, and hated himself, “Vasya, you are a genius.”

“So, so,” announced Pyotr Sergeyevich to the assembled group, “first about the bad.” Trubina removed from filming. Casting for the main female role has already been announced and is in full swing. Now for the good ...
The director took a sip of water from the carafe, straightened his tie, rubbed his bald head with a handkerchief, cleared his throat, and began:
- We are entering a new phase of the national cinema. I ask everyone to take this very seriously. Erotica has long been recognized as a genre of art, nothing shameful about it. However, given the sad past of our country, this view is represented in our cinema extremely poorly. If not to say that is not represented at all. My friends, you and I will be pioneers. About us will write in the encyclopedia of cinema. And our Vasya and you ...

The group could not resist, and began to laugh. In the words "erotica" Dzarovsky suddenly started up.
“Do not distract me,” Petr Sergeevich sternly shouted at them, “Vasya and I wrote a completely ingenious thing with you.” Do not be afraid of the word. So, that's for everyone on the script, I advise you to read it several times in a row. This work is not for everyone, and not everyone comes immediately.
Actors grabbed the paper and buried their noses in the text. One Vlad sat, thinking.
- Dzarovsky, - the director called out, - you have the main role of the god of war. Personal request of the producer, you know. I promise a sea of ​​special effects and life-threatening tricks. And, ”he lowered his voice,“ a triple fee.
Vlad stared at Peter Sergeevich, smiled incomprehensibly, and left.

He sat in a cafe over a cup of coffee, caught the interested views of women from sixteen to sixty years. Someone was smiling, some were not. A call to the cellular phone tore off the ocean waves in my head. The director of the military thriller refused to enter into a contract with him. As before, the director of the series about the police. And before him the director of the historical film. Svetlana Arnoldovna took a step ahead of the curve.Vlad was threatened with unemployment, and besides, how to break his ribs on the set, the Pole could not do anything .... Read more →