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and broke down: her initial self-confidence plummeted, and her eyes turned away from that tiger's gaze (yes, Max had just such a look, just like Stallone in Rocky 4, although in combination with the outlines of Max's face, these eyes looked even fiercer and frostbitter, to say that Christina, like many other girls, was afraid of this look, even the boys did not want to face this look), but Max, as luck would have it, turned Christie's face to him and asked in a low, terrifying tone.
- Who did you raise your hand a bitch completely lost fear?
In another situation, Christina answered this question as it should be to answer a girl who lives by the rules, well, I probably just went too far, but the correct girl knows what's what in this world, Christina could be called, she can definitely stand up for herself ... now. Max is the guy she loves (yes it is), who can be said to be considered a macho who mats almost all the girls (well, not exactly against their will, but not according to their will for sure) with impunity, the one who has been fucking her for three months now where she wanted to be, she pressed her against the wall in the office where only he, she and ... she, with her bra lowered and frightened face, had a psychological edge on his side, and of course physical too. Meanwhile, while Christina was not knowing what to say, Max smiled wickedly pressed closer to her and did not stop staring at her. Crisitina finally gathered her thoughts rather boldly squeezed out:
- You tell me, ohhhhhhhh, what the hell happened here while I was gone, let go quickly, fuck you let go let me say !!!
Well, instead of doubts and fear from such an answer, Max's eyes glittered, probably he was trying to achieve that, so far as he managed to study Christina during these three months, the fact is that when I said that Max takes her where he wants and when he wants, it was It is not an exaggeration at all that he was in Christy's cinema both in the cinema and in the hospital where she lay for two weeks when she was ill, and in the toilet of the restaurant, and in the bedroom of her parents, and then when she had those same days, and then when there were guests at home, and then when it was necessary to prepare for a test, in general, Max always got his way. Naturally, all this did not happen at the will of Christina, and most often she gave these signs: unexpected courage, selective mate screams. (Especially for eroticspace.info — seksuitals.org) But it was enough to show Max a bit of his firm perseverance and after a couple of minutes he took off Christie's panties wet, which could mean two things, or she was a real slut, or quickly wound up under Maxim's pressure. Of course, the second is closer to reality, everyone gets excited when Max pinches them, or maybe they are all whores, as our hero claimed. He even deprived her virginity of her ass, even though Christina was fundamentally against anal sex, considered it a perversion and vehemently defended her position, turning into discussions with Max and others who touched on this topic, but changed her opinion when her priest accepted for the second time on the visit of soldier Max, after the first time, Christine was still against anal sex, because then Max used the fact that she was well-behaved during the massage, but he did the massage just fine, although he didn’t even go to the massage training courses, it was yes but nature also like him to paw the girls and after Christie's buttocks massage, not only to resist, but she began to urge him to enter her ass, erotically waving, but it’s natural that before that Max showed persistence, thrust her fingers into the anus while Christy moaned with pleasure, moistened the hole, pulling the buttocks to the side. By the way, he had long wanted to fuck her in the university, but he couldn’t persuade her, and the situation didn’t arise, but now when they are alone (well, not counting Lily who now didn’t know where to go, although Max was somehow fucked ) he could easily take it right here.But still I wanted Kristi to understand everything herself and asked him not to do it, and for this it was necessary to get rid of Lily, who now gave Christine more confidence.
- How long will you stand like that? Well stamp your bitch out of here.
And Lily stomped, closing the door behind her. Yes, and Christina was not a gift despite the fact that in nature she was given a passive role by nature, she played it actively.
Hmm ... um ... hmm ... I don't know under the influence of which drug you wrote it, but the story is terrible:
1 - Errors, terms of error - spelling, punctuation ... text of the fifth grade level.
2 - Dry presentation, no zest.
3 - The banality of the plot.
4 - No style in the presentation.
5 - The text is a dull, unskillful, psychological nonsense.
Well, in the end - fat dizlaik.
My wishes: - Hone the ability to present everything in literary form, well, or at least without errors, for a start - While it turns out HORRIBLE.
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Yes you are right!!! I agree with you in almost everything (except for the banality of the plot). I wrote as they say on otbebysya, just to put it as soon as possible, I will even say more about this draft version, printed it and did not even read it, immediately sent it here ...
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As for the plot - it is in your performance that it is banal) if it were to finalize the story - I could have a different opinion :)
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PS - Dude, if I write for example, I start to write - I have everything correctly, there are no mistakes, I prepare the text, I make out as a continuation - I correct rare typos and give out)
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Ugh: D
I take ready *
Spread *
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Oh, well, do you play the role of a critic ???
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Honor my creations for a start, but then I was mistaken from lack of sleep. With all sorts of cases.
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With many, or rather like that.
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Read -_-. No ice: D
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As you like ... Everyone has their own tastes.
What I wanted to demonstrate to you is present.
Namely: Literacy, the presence of the plot, its own style of presentation, psychology, mysticism.
Do not like it - I accept it calmly.
Just do not have to judge whether to act as a critic or not.
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)) Of course act! I believe that a person who also writes can much more adequately assess the creations of others. How many “guests” I saw in my comments that you wrote “you are a genius” and so on ... and a week later I saw them as “you are a genius” by other authors)))) It turns out they have all geniuses, so this assessment is not at all objective! Only a person who truly "fumbles" can properly evaluate someone else's story because he has something to offer in return, so to speak ..
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So I speak, because I have my opinion.
By the way, about adequacy ... It is not necessary for a person to be a writer, you just need to be able to speak - once, and to be objective - two.
The problem is that our guests do not differ by this - the school age affects that a little sad.
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Special thanks for school age ^ - ^, please :))
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sometimes adults write as schoolchildren, a lack of education))
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I do not agree with you) I personally am mistaken in the comments very often because of a banal reason - I write on emotions.
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You write well, there is intrigue, there is style, there are emotions, mood. And the comments are the same - tactful and to the point.And then tovarisch wrote a couple of stories, he himself flatteringly responded about them and with a great look, oh, forgive the GREAT hacks, he criticizes everyone and everything - with what is inept. As for being a writer, Belinsky was not such, but his critical articles became classics. So, writing ability and talent for criticism do not correlate (one more buzzword))) with each other. Beeeeeeee)))) Py. Sy. It's nice to be a schoolboy))))
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Gut, and branches here curves. For the especially gifted, Zoi - “You write well ...”
Tiger - everything else.
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Tiger you called me like, okay.
Now, in order, I will point out why you are wrong.
1 - I respond about the creations on the basis of ratings and responses of readers.
2 - The fact that I recently started publishing here does not mean that I am incompetent, both in terms of criticism, and in terms of writing. (ZOY for example, he speaks positively about creativity)
3 - I am waiting for justifications about lack of talent.
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Well, well ... thank you for the feedback and at the same time - a comment.
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I appeal to all other users of this site take an example from “Sturmtiger” leave comments, both positive and negative
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Views are already more than a thousand, and only one comment. Agree somehow irrationally
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So normas! My “Bell” has 100 comments and 100,000 views))) So on average it turns out that yes ... comments write 1: 1000 or even less) So relax.
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Zoi, I wanted to know exactly your opinion about the story, because I am your fan. Maybe you will write what you liked in this story, and what you should work on. It would be ideal if you still gave a couple of tips in which direction I should move in this field of art.
h s. about mistakes you can not remind
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I wrote you all in PM.
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I will repeat any comments, analyzing your comments, I will decide whether I should write further such stories or not.
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Story on fuck off. And asking for comments. "-"
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And this, in your opinion, is normal when no one has an opinion?
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Baby, I express my opinion, and about you as well. Yes, dear porn guru, it’s a bit early for you ...
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First of all, I'm not small to you. AT
Secondly, there was no particular opinion of ABOUT ME
Thirdly - I am not a porn guru
Fourth - okay, turn on you.
Fifth, I advise your sarcasm / sarcasm, or whatever you showed me there, take it to hell.
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PSS - I apologize, I saw a comment concerning me.
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I'm afraid to ask what exactly) but let it be that)))) It's funny all the same.
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Second, satisfied?
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And those who want to see this story complete and elaborate, please write about it, I will finish the story and put everything in order
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I also laughed when I read the story in a humorous story ... I didn’t pay attention to mistakes - everyone cares about the plot! write products, develop the plot and write more)
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I also laughed when I read the story in a humorous story ... I didn’t pay attention to mistakes - everyone cares about the plot! write products, develop the story and write more) about Rocky liked.
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Thanks for the advice and support !!! You're one of those few critics who writes
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Who did you raise your hand a bitch completely lost fear?
That's terrible from now on. This is not a thriller, man, this is an erotic story. Entry is also bad. Only the middle is not terrible. And about grammatical errors, it is not too important if the plot is not good. You have this particular case, develop the plot, and then think about the mistakes. It is not necessary to print a draft here.
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This is not an erotic tale, man, this is PORNOR story !!! What's wrong with that phrase ??? Do you think only in action movies talk like that ???
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Stopped reading after paragraph 1 ... nonsense
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It is interesting to know why you think this is nonsense
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I would like less syvotyh arrogance and more realism in the dialogues. Yes, and all these "old cases" - deprivation of virginity ass, "took where I wanted", etc. it would be bad to describe in full)) Let's just say, the plot is interesting, the characters are also completely, you just need to work on the style of the dialogues .. Well, preferably less words from the author and more words and actions from the characters themselves. In short, I am waiting for the continuation)
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Thank you for your advice, and I did not want to describe the old cases because, as planned, this story should have been more practical, but I didn’t have enough time and had to put it in this form.
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awesome story. If you want literacy, read Fat, you can also fake a little French. dude writes like everything around, in fact, they say. plot? so in life as well. and finished on time, now every day you can roll out to the court on the page of Max's new adventures.
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Thank you for understanding what I wanted by putting this story. And for supporting me at such a difficult time)
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In general, all my stories, especially the call, sucks compared to this !!!
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Hahaha You wanted to make a joke, but you didn't succeed ... I see. I got the hint. I will not comment on anyone else, so as not to shine in the ranks of the ungrateful bastard public)
P. S. Very courageously today to shout out something from the faceless crowd, hiding behind a false name \ nickname ... Kapets, sunk!)))
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Ahhahahaha, probably another hater in such a cunning way I wanted to disgrace you in his way, well, or draw attention to myself))) Fuck, I can’t))) This is necessary))) WHAT did he want to achieve?
XD
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If only the avatar forged something ...
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Yes, all the same it is written - GUEST!))))) PUSH FOR FOOTING ??)))))
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Not so rush into the eyes ...))
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Well, fools, so as not to notice?))))
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We could not read ... somewhere in the middle of mistakes, crooked words, and other nonsense, we were nauseous ... "Tsar Rebels" why was it necessary to lay out the "rough", with your words, an option?
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I laid out the draft because I did not have time to finalize the story, but on the other hand I wanted to know the reaction of the readers. But I would like to hear your opinions about the plot, and not about mistakes, it is obvious that there are plenty of mistakes here and why people leave comments only on the same topic (about how many mistakes)
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Come in lichku, we discuss specifically the plot.
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After I read your stories I don’t think it will bring me any benefit
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As you know ... just explain it then - THAN you didn’t like my stories.
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Well, firstly, bragging about what you write without mistakes and typos, and considering this one of your trump cards
You made a lot of mistakes.
I was also embarrassed by the fact that the demon, which is thousands of years old, actively uses such a word as “fapa”.
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ERRORS, ignorance of punctuation spelling and so on - I mean this and with IT I am fine. About PRINTS - I was silent, for such gifts are sometimes enough.
In the last story, only one typo - it indicated.
About the wrong munskpika - there is such a remark already, I will consider.
PS - I do not consider my far trump card to be a rare number of typos / flaws in my texts.
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“I have everything correctly, there are no blunders, a text that I prepared, I make out as a continuation - I correct rare typos and give out”
Your words??
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Well, I explained to you - Lyapy - in the sense of spelling, punctuation, and so on errors.
I really correct the typos, but I don’t always immediately find everything.
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That is, in your opinion, missing a comma is a disaster. And to write the word wrong is nothing.
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Yes, you must understand that in your case, you generally climbed - these omissions are at every step, everything is lame ... and in mine - there is no such forest: A couple of typos, maybe more, a few irrelevant flaws - like the Monspik of the demon in the first one and the CAMS " second story.
That is what I wanted to say then.
No, everyone’s mistakes are present - I don’t argue with that. But it’s one thing to make two or three mistakes - and the second one - half of the text with this kind of text message. Do you feel the difference?
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Forest * (By the way, for some reason, I’m often mistaken in the comments, probably because of haste)
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Maybe I will ask a question off topic, but please answer you were excited while reading my story ???
h s. not considering this issue a manifestation of homosexuality
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No, your story did not excite me ... as it is not erotically described.
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Yes? Not to say I'm surprised. But with this I wanted to say that the main purpose of porno stories is to excite the reader, and all this error goes by (so to speak). I do not mean that people do not notice this, just if a person is excited to him stupidly fuck at mistakes !!! You're not watching porn about the budget of this film, about special effects, etc. Such thoughts appear only when watching feature films. Here too, mistakes and everything else is necessary in hood. lit-re
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Well, not to be so excited to sit and ... ahem ... iron the stick while sitting in front of the computer, scrolling the mouse wheel!
Personally, I am excited by some stories where erotic scenes are thought out, colorfully described, and so on - but I am not a pervert just to read them for the sake of it.
Admit it, it is stupid - he opened any drocherskiy storyteller, stuck out a pisyun, read the described sexual intercourse, began to masturbate ... Finished, closed the story and gave a rating.
It also assesses literacy, plot, style, and so on — albeit to a lesser extent.
Yes, and you know - stupidly aroused from just descriptions, not everyone can - the atmosphere is still needed ...
And you don’t need to forget about girls - they are refined figures, you just can’t excite them.
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By excitement, I do not mean that people are sitting and chasing bald.
That is, do you think that all male readers are here just to jerk off ??? What is your opinion about the users of this beautiful site?
Under the excitement in this situation, I meant the reader's fascination with the story, how he will drag on the plot, will remember or imagine (depending on the saturation of life) himself in the place of the hero.
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I did not understand fucking, except that Maksik will sooner or later fall into the zone, and he will be torn off with akko. with all care, for example.
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Why do you think so???
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Daje ne smog dochitat "do kontza ...
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you are welcome. and the call is a good story, there are a lot of pluses and a few minuses and there is my opinion, for which, by the way, I do not cling. and to the guest, who signed up for the author, no respect, but only for moral reasons, this is not a bad joke))
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“... and if they sew it away it leaves with an empty nose” - is it something between a “empty-handed” and a “hanging nose”? :)
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What is the originality of the plot, by the way? As in 80% of the stories "boy-god-sex". He considers everyone to be whores and everything flows from his touch ... where is originality ???
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You pervert what I wanted to convey
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Lolshto ?!
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Man, you write cool !!! Do not listen to anyone !!! You are the clearest !!! I was just ahu * e when I read this story !!! Conchil 1000 times !!! Bomb!!! you man !!! Write more!!! So with these sluts it is necessary !!! ALL TO WHOM DO NOT LIKE - LOHI BOTANS AND PATIENTS!
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This is a powerful ... literary work, forcing you to plunge into the brutal world of the fighter-terrorists. Exquisite metaphors and numerous avatars give a sweet picture of the mind jerking. We see the hero's moral sufferings, his tireless craving for the search for truth.
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Well, as I wrote on от fuck off, and it turned out - garbage is full, although it seems that there is potential. From here a conclusion - do nothing on * fuck off, better not start at all.
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agree with onon
the hero of the story will either fall into the zone where his matzo will be and his ass will be deprived of virginity (by the way, the author can write a story about it;)). Either one or a few girls will get their own guys, and he out of habit will start to stick ^) immediately get a lyuly if alive remains that m. B. calm down: D.
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You know, not all girls talk about their guys about it, they like their body to attract someone, they ask them not to beat, but at the same time they hint every time that they don’t need to stop (I know from my own experience) many scare their guys, but very few people tell them (I have only one girl told her boyfriend, and he was my chum, she complained to him for half a year, but of course he didn’t tell everything, only that I get her often, he asked me in an imperative tone I stopped my actions, but I answered him that it was bullshit that his girlfriend n euchelivatsya that we just play and so on. He was stronger than me and prestige above, once she told him almost everything, then we seriously patted him, he hit me a couple of times, but I didn’t agree and didn’t refuse In short, the bazaar was over, but I kept on pawing that girl, but a little softer and less often, she didn’t tell him anymore, and all this happened only once when a guy came and started bringing it up because I was pawing his girlfriend )
P. S. I understand that this is wrong, but the girls themselves get high on this and do not really refuse, they even flirt with me more than with the others. So decide for yourself ...
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I liked, it is a pity that in the end is not finished)
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Write a sequel and do not listen to anyone !!!
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I have not read such a frank shit for a long time. Author, pick up a briefcase and go to school
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