Winter has always annoyed me in this life. I cannot say that I am a particularly irritable type, but when it freezes under my armpits, and an icy burdock wind hits my face, then I start to go wild.

The whole story happened in the winter. All day I wandered from corner to corner (I do not work at all from principle, so I have plenty of time), and I wanted a woman. By noon, I realized the very unpleasant fact, which sooner or later meets a lonely dork, namely - women no longer want me. Somehow it happened. Either my face has grown old-saddened, or I don’t follow the fashion. However, never paid attention to these little things. I like to drink, take a little walk, and in the evening hack a girl. It is in the evening, and better at night - when the moon hormones are unusually invigorated by me. But now, as it turned out, they are not particularly worth spending on anyone. I indulged in these sad thoughts when I called Kif Big.

Kifa was a freak. He did not use vodka, did not smoke, and did not wear underpants under his pants, and every single day before the sweat laid out in the gym. It was rumored that these activities were somehow related to cowards that he did not wear, but I will not talk about this. This is a personal matter. The main thing is that Kifa Bolshoi invited me to his buffet table, and I simply could not refuse. On the contrary, I wanted to rush to Kife immediately. At that moment, probably, if some homeless person invited me to chew herring somewhere under the garbage can, I would also agree if I could get out of the apartment and fuck human society.

And I also knew that Kifa was sometimes interesting. He was an eccentric, as I said, and you could expect anything from him. Once he caught a gypsy beggar on the street, brought her home, and made him lap up the milk from a saucer like a dog. She lived with him for several days. During this time, she turned gray, and Kifa shaved her hair. Then, of course, he kicked her out. Said the milk is over. Some Gypsies came to understand him, something like a scuffle fight happened, but in the end everything ended well. He strangled one of the gypsies, but he didn’t have anything for it.

I bought a bottle of wine in the grocery store - for myself, and a pack of ryazhenka for Cepha. And I bought a jam with jam, put it all in a plastic bag, and walked to the subway station. I was in a light sheepskin coat, and the wind blew to the bone. Almost completely frozen and dazzled, I still got to the electric power, and crawled into the car with relief. It was empty. I flopped on the empty seat, and immediately saw her. She sat opposite me, in a silvery swollen fur coat and a knitted hat of red color ... Her legs were thin, and she herself was not fat. I immediately called her Japanese. Her eyes were slightly slanting, and her cheekbones stood out thoroughly. God knows her who she was by nationality. It is important that I come to life.

There was something about her. So much so that I, almost without thinking, began to stick to it. Carefully placing the bag with the rolls and the rest on the bench, and thus freeing my hands for free gestures, I vdul her the following:

“Sorry for the intervention,” I said sadly and hopefully, “but will you tell me where the library collector is nearby?”

She pinched her fur coat for a minute and finally announced that she was not from the outside. Her voice was gentle enough for me to get excited. She spoke cleanly, like myself.

“I, too,” I said, “not quite local.” That is, I have been living here for a long time, but somehow I was not used to local conditions. Cold atrocious, how do you suppose?

She nodded her head arrogantly.

- What about at home? - I asked hopefully.

“It's warm in the homeland ...,” she said with a touch of pride. - I live in...

Then she uttered several consonants in a row, a stream of drawn vowels, two soft signs, and my brain cleverly switched off in order not to overheat. In general, the southern city was.

- Learn here?

With her meek voice, she explained that she had come not just to study, but to study at the university, which is on Prospect X. Actually, she is already studying.

Noticing that I myself was a student in some way, I quickly suggested we gossip about student friendship in a cafe just on Prospect X, and then ...

She cut me off. She said that she does not go to a cafe with men. Her grandmother asked her about this when she left for the city on the Neva. And her grandmother asked her grandmother when that same grandmother was leaving for animal husbandry courses in the city with thirteen consonants, vowels, and soft signs mixed together without any idea of ​​proportions.

I must say, it pissed me off. Do not forget that it happened in winter. And the point is not that I had no money for coffee and cakes, although they really were not. I just suddenly felt acutely that the best of my days had long been lived, and I somehow did not bother to write this event in a diary. And there will be no more such days. And I am sitting in a spat car, opposite a graceful Japanese woman in a red cap, an unnecessary dork with claims to no one.

And then I did the following - I declared that I was an agent in the fight against real estate. In my database of more than a hundred apartments ready for rent, leasing and option bidding. If she is interested, I can show her something cozy at a tragically low price.

And she pecked. Her nose frowned, and she asked if I really had a big choice. I replied that the choice is devilishly wide. She thought a little, and finally wondered if I had a chance to see a cozy apartment on Prospect X. I answered positively and did not lie in general.

Probably, I was just lucky that Kifa lived on Prospect X. In life there are coincidences. And maybe, in a fit of anger, I could just look into the little Japanese head and inspire her with something I needed.

I drove it along the avenue by the hand, as a decent one, setting out my own point of view on urban planning and the cuisine of the peoples of the world. Japanese woman was restrained, as befits a young lady from the village. She did not look around. She was immersed in herself and only once asked how much such an apartment could cost. I called a ridiculous amount, and she sighed with relief.

I think I inspired some distrust in her. I looked rather tattered, as befits a lifejacker, and her ideas about real estate agents were somewhat different. And yet I did the impossible - brought her right to the door of the desired apartment.

The door opened, and Kifa Big nodded his head. He made no sound, and did not express surprise at the sight of me with the girl. He just waved his hand, pass, they say, dear guests, and slammed the door behind us. The Japanese took everything for granted. She walked into the hall where she was pointed, and I threw it next:

- Look around, dear, and make yourself at home ...

Having signed off Kif to the kitchen, I explained the situation to him. I wanted one thing - Kifa would leave us alone with the bottle, even for an hour. I still did not lose hope.

Kifa cooled me down. He said:

- It is not maintained.

I tried to object, but Kifa said again:

- It is not maintained. It can be seen.

I have already said that he is a strange type. So it is true.

Then he said:

- I'll talk to her. Is there a tail?

I did not quite understand what he meant. Kifa Big explained:

- Does anyone know that she is here?

I replied that no, I do not know. Kifa said:

- Good.

And left. I stayed in the kitchen, opened the fridge, and put ryazhenka and rolls there. I uncorked the wine, and began to look for glasses. Wine was the last hope.

I heard the first cry when I found the second glass - more precisely, a cup with a broken handle. Then there was a crash, and immediately after that they shouted again - thinly and shrilly. I hurried to the hall, holding in my hand a cup that I did not have time to fill.

What I saw made me frost ...