In a certain kingdom, in a certain state (or, more simply, in Mother Russia), there lived a man like that - Ivan.

He lived quite poorly, he worked in the shop - he helped the shop assistant. And every Sunday, well, and on holidays, of course, he drank bitter, and drank so that then the ox turned. He quarreled with his neighbors, destroyed the fences, beat the jugs and muzzles of all men.

But he had no wife. And why does he have a wife? For bravery, he would drink one hundred grammers, approach the red maid and even “get married” - dragging her where he needs - either to his home, or to the bushes next. He had such a gift - not a single girl resisted. And since Ivan was a rather young man and he wanted him quite often, he soon tried all the girls in the district, and he did not disdain to sleep with married women, as well as with widows. But with the same one he didn’t want twice, because he loved new sensations in this business. Ivan was on fire, but not for long.

And now, by pitch, according to my wish, the postmaster comes to Ivan somehow and hands over the letter. And in that letter it is written that he, Ivan, is the heir of a wealthy English lord, and this disease lord leaves Ivan his whole fortune - a manor and a lot of English pounds sterling. And that he, Ivan, is obliged to come to England to receive this heritage.

And I must tell you that at that time Ivan was pretty bad. Well, he went over in the tavern too much, well, he spat at the bathhouse - who does not happen to anyone? So he looks at this postmaster and a damn does not understand. Well, I sent him away ... And the postmaster, do not be a fool, then left the letter, and left.

The next day, Ivan oklemalsya, noticed the letter and began to read it. It was written in Russian and English. Glad, of course, he laid the collar and went to the shop where he worked.

And then his clerk was already waiting - angry, like a wolf. As Ivan appeared, the clerk began to scream right away ... “What are you, a dog, doing, eh? Well, you bastard, your job was late, you dog brat! ”

Ivan approached him, grabbed him by the neck and barked ... "You, a Jew (the clerk's name was Moishe)! Well you raised the voice of the lord! Well you, canal, I will count the teeth now! ”The clerk and wheezed out to him ...“ Ivan! Gad, got drunk again! You'll be kicked out of the store! Lord huy! ”. Ivan put Moishe on the floor and shook his finger at him ... "Look at me, do not be of mischief." Then he went to the owner.

And the owner, unfortunately, is in a bad mood. Either I went too yesterday, or, in general, the man was not in the spirit, he was not in the spirit ... And just then Ivan came up. The owner yelled at him ... "What did he push?". And Ivan answered him ... “You, Semyon Fedoritch, do not shout at me. And then I will buy your shop with you - you will be on my packages ”. Well, the owner screamed, of course ... "You're a man! Since when do men buy shops? Think again, Roly! ”. Ivan says to him ... “I am leaving you, you are angry, Simon Fedoritch. Where are my pennies?

The owner shook a few broken coins on the table and looked at Ivan with a heavy eye. “Well, Roly? Satisfied? ”- says. Ivan took a penny and left the shop.

"That's all. Tapericha sell hut and food in England. To know where she is, enta England. I will have to go to St. Petersburg, ”our Roly thought so, going home.

Soon he went to Petersburg, and there he boarded a ship to London. He comes to England, yes, it is amazing. What a home! What a street! And all that they have is not in our language, it is not written in Russian. “We’ll have to look for a Russian man to find where it is, this is a name.” I just thought - look, the Russian is coming. The fact that Russian, Roly understood immediately. Drunk, disheveled, "God Save the Tsar" sings. Well, our Vanya - to him. So, they say, and so - help me find the estate. And he looked at Vanka, hiccupped and asked ... "And will you pour me then?". Well, Ivan agreed. In general, let's go.

Arrived means. Here it is. Roly looked and his mouth opened. Such mansions! Yes, the house of landowner Spitsyn will be less. What a house!

Well, here the mongrel ran, some peasants. Chegos gossip in English, and Ivan does not understand anything. Well, he asks his Russian friend ... "What does he say to me for something?". He raised his head, pricked his ear and answered ... "Show him the letter." Roly cherished little letter got, in the face peasant shoves. He ran his eyes, smiled and smiled again something. Vanya asked the Nashensky again. That and says that, they say, come through, you will be the new owner.

Three days drank Ivan with a Russian friend. It turned out that Vasily’s name was that he had come from St. Petersburg, but the rogues had fooled him into cards, so he lives in London, playing at random earnings. We agreed that Vasily would now be Ivan’s companion; he would be like a court interpreter. For this, Ivan promised to equip him with clothes, food and a roof over his head, well, money, of course. On that and decided.

And when he passed the first courage, they decided to examine the estate. It turned out that now Vanka is in the service of more than fifty people. Sinful thought in the head with our Vanka was born. He wanted to find out how the Anglic women and girls differ from the Rasesean women and girls.

Ivan noticed for the beginning a young maid - Kitty, as she called herself. I improved the profitable moment and approached it. “Kitty, let's go to the closet” - and shows with your hand where to go. She was embarrassed, zapolotala, but what to do - the word master for her law. Well, in a closet, Ivan clung to her, whispered something affectionately to her ear, kissed her cheek. She did not open it, but only spoke in her own way quickly. Ivan her skirt and pulled up. I admired a little, pulled out my FIRS and drove it to her. Kitty screamed, tried to escape, but then she liked it and she even began to laugh and moan. Ivana, however, did not last long. He pulled out his penis, and all around with sponge and sprayed. Kitty adjusted her dress, lowered her eyes and ran past Vanka.

Liked Ivan with an English girl. Clean velvet skin, blush on the cheeks. Now only left anglitskuyu woman to try.

And the next day, Ivan received an invitation from a neighboring landowner. Like, he invites him to the ball in order to meet the new neighbor. Ivan turned the paper around in his hands and Vasily asked ... "Should I go or what?" Vasily told him then ... “Let's go, Roly, let's go! Maybe someone else fuck there. "

They went to a neighbor. And the manor is also gorgeous. Passed into the house, and there they are already met by the owner. He blundered on Anglitsky, asked Vanka something, and that was not a boom boom. Well, again, Vasya helped. The owner is very happy to see in his new neighbor, his name is Count Henry Cartwright (ugh, you, Lord, well, and God bless him!) And that they are waiting in the living room.

Our friends went there, and there all of their nobility were sitting, chasing tea. Well, they noticed Vanka, ran up to him, imagined, Vasily Ivan translates, and Vanya is ransacking everything - looking for the female sex. Asks Vasya ... "Vaska, ask, where is his wife here?". Basil translated the count, and he nodded his head and shouted something at the door. From there came his wife. Yes, it did not even go out, but it came out like a swan. Written beauty! Percy, right from the shirt out, oh, how!

"Whatever ..." thought our Ivan. Chinno introduced himself, kissed her pen, smiled at her. And then the count offers to go to the table.

We had lunch, of course. Roly asked Basil to take the count in conversation, and he went to look for the countess. He found her in her own bedroom. She sat in front of a mirror. Roly, without thinking twice threw her on the bed. The countess resisted, even tried to scream, but Ivan squeezed her hand over her, while he nagged her tits with her other hand. He fumbled, looked, and went on, under the skirt.

Well, in general, Ivan fucked the Countess. Fucked and dick not wiped. Then they, as if nothing had happened, went down to the other guests.

In the evening, all cool snicked.

...

I met Ivan in London last summer. He walked down the street, head down low and sighed. I ask him ... "What is Roly, so sad?". And he tells me ... “I want to go to Russia, I really miss it. These Englishmen are just besyat me.Their moonshine - whiskey, is called, such shit. Yes, and very boring here. " I told him ... "You wanted to try Anglic girls, didn't you?" He looked at me and said such a truth that I was even surprised. He said ... "You know, pussy and she is in England pussy." Then he turned and went his way.

Here and the fairy tale end, and who listened - well done!