Viktor Pelevin dedicated

I sat in the office and went through the papers. There was just a bunch of documents. Well, do you know how it happens when old documents, bills, contracts, statements, certificates, etc. are accumulated? Here I have just such garbage was. Wow them somewhere to do? Right, right. Therefore, I had a large wastebasket next to the table. We did not have a shredder - not a cool office to have a shredder. And in general, why is it needed, if then all the same all the garbage is thrown into a large tank next to our building? There is no need.

So, sorting through the papers, throwing out too much and suddenly I hear a conversation on the stairs:

- So what, in kind, go to the club on Saturday?

- Come on, fuck! Do you have bablosy that is?

- And then, fuck! Fuck on Saturday at the club will be! Natasha performs with her program.

- Che, she has a new performance?

- Well! She promises something extraordinary, her mother!

Judging by the voices, they were Garik and Vokha. These two crucifixes constantly enraged me. In life, they laugh at something, but at the last office party they did it!

Then it was the Eighth of March, we all got together, the director congratulated the girls (from Masha — the 19-year-old secretary to Aunt Galya — the 70-year-old cleaner), well, we drank lightly, began to dance. And here these Garik and Vokha rush in. Both are already "good." So what did they do - they both jumped on the table, Vokha pushed some incoherent speech, Garik assented to him, and then turned on Ramstein, both jerked off their shirts and made a male striptease. Okay, just a striptease, so no - you must perish! Garka took out an artificial member from his trousers, bent Vova, “raped” him and poured some liquid from a member of all the women and men present (it turned out that champagne). Drunken ladies applauded and screamed like crazy, and the men rolled on the floor laughing. Then I remember the holiday blurry: I drank a little myself (alcohol acts strongly on me - I hops from two glasses of vodka), but they told me that the men tried to repeat the feat of Vokha and Garik, but they were so drunk that they didn't succeed.

And now these two liars are discussing a cultural trip to a suspicious club. I imagine what it will be for the club.

Why don't I go with them? I have not rested for a long time, Lord, how long have I not rested! It was decided - I will go to them, I will become a fellow traveler. Right now!

They smoked in the hallway. I will describe to you this couple. Vova is a shallow, red-haired and mustache fat man. When he laughs - shows all his teeth, although he does not have one front one. The smile from this is very mischievous. He has hairy arms and thick sausage-like fingers. On the middle finger of his right hand, he wears a childish silver ring with a green stone.

Garik - tall ambal. Thin, mustache, black-haired. Do not miss the chance to play around with the females. Wears a black leather vest, rather shabby.

Both are terrible drunks, both are pranksters, both are excellent workers and good friends.

Well, I come up to them and fasten:

- Well, what, men? Decided to stumble on Saturday? And you can be?

- Mishan, all zashib! Of course! Just you know, this is such a club. There after all debauchery, women bare dance. And you don't love all this, right?

(Indeed, my colleagues created such an image of a monk about me - I practically did not pay attention to the female sex)

- And who told you, Vova? Maybe I'm really a sex maniac? Maybe it's just me at work so shy, and at night I hide in the bushes and look for another victim?

And we am neighing.

“Yes, Mishka,” said Vokha, coughing slightly, “I did not know that you were a maniac.” Great! In general, prepare 50 bucks and a cool suit - on Saturday we go to the “Merry Shoal”!

Somewhere I've heard this name - "Merry shallow." But just where? I can not remember.

I sat back at the table and began to disassemble papers.Lenochka sat through a small passage at the next table.

She was 24 years old, she had an attractive appearance, beautiful blond hair and a slender figure. Besides, she's damn smart. Now she has bent over the box and is sorting through something - you see, it also brings order. Her ass is so sexy sticking up ... I repent, I have repeatedly and not wanted to try it with her. I suddenly felt that a bully was waking up in me, and that this bully demanded that I come up and pat on this wonderful ass. Well, I can not resist. I get up and go to her. My hand is already drawn back and swoops smoothly on these two wonderful knolls. Oh, how cunning!

But Lenka turns around sharply, I see her surprised and enraged eyes, and she hits her jaw with all her strength with her open palm. An unknown force throws me back. I crash into a chair, hit the corner of a bookshelf ...

 — — -

I woke up today at about one in the afternoon. Of course, with my work in this fucking club, this is quite natural. I’m working there until five in the morning, so I have the right to sleep a little longer. It was difficult for me to switch to the night mode of existence, but I soon got used to it.

We must take a shower. Yesterday was such a tense night. Spread out three Arabs for champagne - they practically atoned for me in it. When these sheikhs left, the director simply kissed me. I do not know, but for some reason, men are always divorced next to me for champagne with ease. If other girls have only wine, or, say, beer with vodka, then I have only champagne. Surprisingly, I myself drink this champagne a little - I prefer rum cocktails. I will go to the souls ...

In the bathroom from the mirror, a tired but pretty girl looked at me. She looked at me, lifted and lowered her breasts, poprivstaval on tiptoes and suddenly winked at me. "And you still nothing" - she thought. Well, I'm for the company.

Warm, caressing water poured from above. Wow, bliss! After a hard day or a hard night, I adore plunging into the streams of this warm, roaring bliss ... After standing for about eight minutes, I began to soap my sponge and how to rub it with it. Covering myself with foam, I again stepped into the shower and closed my eyes.

How great after a shower to sit in an easy chair, pull your legs under you and drink warm cocoa! The body as it hovers above the ground, it becomes so comfortable for the soul, just a high. Sipping a chocolate drink from a huge stein, I suddenly decided that it would be nice to update my wardrobe a little today. The salary was recently issued, so you can go shopping, buy some new rag, maybe some knickknack.

I turned around in my bag, took out the money, counted it. So, apparently, should be enough. So that's great. Let's go get dressed, yes, and to the boutique, straight course.

The bright sun shone on the street, it was just the end of May - my favorite season, when spring ends and the present is not yet present, but already such a near and sweet summer, when you can go to the river, swim, buy fresh cherries on the market and eat her - the whole kilogram, the whole bowl, filled with large, dark red fleshy berries with bright green cuttings and wax shine. And now, while the green grass has just begun to fill with juice, the birds are already singing with might and main and the sun is really beginning to warm.

And here is the boutique. Strange, but I have never been to it before; perhaps it is worth going in. Moreover, it is called such an exotic name - "Borneo". And the sign - bright yellow - for some reason causes uncertain associations from childhood. Oh yeah, that was the color of the ceiling in my room.

Behind the counter, among a multitude of different rags, a heap of straps and various leather goods, sat a pretty red-haired girl about my age, even younger ...