... And do not lean your ear against the stomach and ask an idiotic question. Do not! Is boy or girl? Boy i boy Or a girl? Try to disassemble here in the dark.

My mom certainly wants me to be a boyfriend. The boy is easier - the boy does not need to get married.

And I do not want something. Guys are all crazy. My grandfather, for example. Every half an hour, yelling begins: “It has begun, it has begun! Soon, fast! ”And this is already the fifth month.

My dad is also crazy. He left us when I was not even three months from conception. He says it is still unknown whose child I am. How is it whose ?! How is it whose? What, I do not remember, what if! Yes, I recognize everyone by voice - do not turn away.

Girl, too, be not very hunting.

Well, let's say my grandmother has nothing yet. She works in our restaurant. Without her, mother and I would die of hunger long ago. My good grandmother reminds us about this every day.

And my mother's friends? Shh ... Only quiet. They do not like me. They say that it is necessary to get rid of me. What did I do to them? They say that if there is a girl, she will be unhappy, as they are, and if there is a man, then it is better to kill this reptile.

In! They came again, giving advice, how to make miscarriage with my mother. Bathroom with mustard, on their advice, we have already taken. Needles pricked. Yesterday we were even frightened by the skeleton from the corner. Mama barely became a stutterer, and I almost threw myself out of laughter.

And today decided to jump from the closet. And one, and two, and three! Fly! Cool feeling! Like on a plane. True, a little out of the window is blowing, but still great. Mama is only a pity - I’m okay, but she returned the whole ass when approaching.

Fools women, trying in vain. I do not intend to leave here. What have I not seen there? Your problems, or what? In short, I decided to hold on to the ribs to the last.

And now my mom is standing in the queue. Some strange queue. Alone blind. Everyone is pushing, stepping on their feet, and as they look at prices, they will squint and ask again how much, how much ?!

Citizen from behind, do not push your belly! Is it also pregnant? Why does a child gurgle so strangely? Drowned, or what?

And you, the man in front, do not press on the stomach. Not to me - mom. Apologized! He still scoffs. And the bag to bring home to take! Well, definitely blind. Do not see that we are pregnant? Phone call asks. Says it is love at first sight. He is also a moron. Is it in our time at first sight in someone fall in love? I understand the sight from the second or third.

Fool! She did not give the phone, but she also lied that she had a strict and jealous husband. And you asked me? Maybe I dreamed of such a father all the pregnancy, but her phone was not found too much.

Hey, buddy, wait! Stand, I tell you! You do not believe my fool. Do you believe me! We have no husband, only bastards. We need a husband as needed!

Father! Batyana! Folder! Daddy! ... Infection! Gone! And this one is gone! And our bag with a claimed. Probably from excitement. Here and my mother something excited.

Oh, mommy! Seems to have started these, as they there, fights! In, as mom screams! How tormented, poor thing! But I still will not leave. Give birth to anyone: hedgehogs, elephants, orangutans - but not me.

And who else is feeling us from all sides? Do not paw! Do not paw, my mother, I said! And I do not care what a gynecologist. Well, what are you staring at, shameless eyes? Get out ?! Sly what. Who needs me there. Better get yourself - you will be a twin.

What's that? Something warm, affectionate. Arm! Soft mother's hand! She pats me! So mom loves me! So I need someone!

Well, you, gynecologist, hear! So be it, I'll go out. Just come on without hands. No hands, I said! He will also tell me how to be properly born. In general, you better get out of the way. And then it is broken with alcohol, it’s already dark in the eyes.

Well, with this turmoil forgot how there: forward legs or a head? Feet forward or head? Oh yeah, right now with your head, and forward with your feet - this is later.

So! My Way Out! ... Ahhhh! Well, what are you looking at? Aaaa! I'm already yelling tired. Aaaa! Well, applaud at last! ..