Well, again we got to bed. When this corruption will end, I do not know. Although you will be witnesses, my attempts to get rid of her will not find an end.

From the front door to the bedroom stretches an intermittent trail of coats, socks, stockings and underwear. Annoyingly! Again, leaving at night, I will not find any sock or, like last time, cowards. Briefs must be bright colors, or at least glow at night to make them easier to find in the dark.

“Wait, don't hurry like that. Let me turn the tutorial page! Yeah, you have to keep that leg like this, and the second one like that. Stop! I seem confused. Come on all over again. It's written here, turn the hip out ... Why shout like that ?! I have not started the most important thing yet. ”

No, I'm still a weak person. And my three main weaknesses: food, sleep and women. She knows it and shamelessly uses it.

Oh, how she cooks! Food is its weapon of mass destruction. Any resistance is useless. Without a miss, she beats the very sick and vulnerable man's stomach. And it should be noted that everything in life, except food, makes me indifferent and depressing. Food is the only thing that gives me confidence in myself, pushes me to spiritual manifestations, and fills this world with at least some content.

And each time, as I gain determination, to report that I am leaving her, she offers to eat first. After a small feast, I turn into one big and kind face with swollen eyes. Quietly, so as not to frighten away the absorbed food by careless movement, breathing through time and dragging cheeks across the floor, I crawl away from the table. She only has enough strength to crawl into bed, where she is already waiting for my plump body. She slowly undresses me and proceeds to her meal. And if it were not for my vigilance, she would have devoured me completely long ago. Often, waking up at night, I heard her delicious champing, and saw that my legs were already nibbled by the knee. Well, I'm so healthy, and by the morning I grew new ones.

“... So, now get down on all fours and show me your tongue. It says that the pelvis should be above the shoulders. I said above! Higher! ... Ahhh! Be careful! I'm so suffocated. ”

And how does she cry ?! Oh, she knows how to cry. Feeling that I am going to report our break, she rushes on the sofa to roar, and her skirt lifts up just as much as my damned imagination needs to immediately want her on the sofa.

In my youth I believed that sex is the most important thing in life. Now I’ve gotten older and made sure that it is. Life in terms of sex can be divided into several stages. Childhood, which gives way to youth, then youth leaves, sex comes, then children come, then sex comes again, then grandchildren come, then sex comes again, which should smoothly end with the same childhood.

Her enthusiasm in bed can not be compared with anything. Our sex with her is more like an implacable struggle. We fight sex every day. And in this position we fight with him, and in another we fight. And she seems ready to die in this unequal struggle, but will never surrender.

I began to get tired of wildness and sophistication in bed. All the bowl want a simple and understandable sex. Come in the evening from work, have dinner, read or watch TV, lie down in the dark in bed, grope next to a warm and lively body, and quietly, without making any extra movements, finish the working day.

“... How hard it is to choose one of the three thousand five hundred and eighty seven positions that exist in sex. Constantly have to wrestle. Just not sex, but some kind of Academy of Sciences ... ”

I tried to get rid of it in different ways. But she was smarter than I thought. She cannot oppose anything. I got drunk in rags - she, as if nothing had happened, put me on her fragile shoulders and dragged me to the house. In the end, weakened by the overwhelming burden, she threw me on the street, and, cursing with the last words, pretended that she was leaving.But I did not think to get upset. As soon as a kind woman began to look at me, wondering if I needed to get help, she was announced right there. And for a long time, her curses about brazen women were spread across the neighboring courtyards. “Ugliness! A man for five minutes can not be left unattended! ”

“... Now stand upside down and let go of your hands. Do not worry, I hold! ... ”

Well, again I dropped it on my head. She, by the way, didn’t file a mind that it hurt. I have weakened something lately, it will be necessary to train with a barbell at the weekend.

Then I changed tactics and decided to do everything to be taken aback by her husband. I spat on our conventional sign - “women's panties in the window” and broke into her apartment, knowing that it was there. Without letting me to my senses, I grabbed her in my arms, dragged her to bed and yelled wildly, ending. The husband stubbornly did not appear. Then I started to run in one t-shirt and socks around the apartment, looking under all the beds and opening cabinets, portraying a gorilla who was crazy about wanting to rape everything else that moves. However, whatever I did, he did not manage to overtake us together. Where she hides it, I could not determine.

“... So, I take this chest in my left hand, and the second ... Stop! Hulterers, they forgot to write what to do with the second! ... ”

And because I have nothing to even cling to. She never argues with me, never shows her character. I can spend hours with her hinting at my adventures with other women, her silence only becomes more persistent. But I see how she faints her jealous of everything that is not her. She is jealous of women, men, animals, things and memories. Out of jealousy she poisoned three of my cats in succession. In retaliation, I had to flush her favorite canary to the toilet.

"... Well, now walk over me, and then be my blanket ..."

How can I still warm under it! Cheat, she taught me so much that I had long forgotten how to produce heat when she is not around. And if she now stops warming me, then I may just numb and die.

And I always ask myself: well, tell me, the bastard snickering, do you still need it ?! What else Lyada, stubborn beast, you do not have enough? Look around! After all, these women are not lying on the road. After all, you will die, you will not find better.

Nevertheless, I gathered the rest of my strength and decided to use my last chance, namely, to apply the lizard method.

At first I dropped one ear, then one eye fell out. But she, as if nothing had happened, continued to love me, claiming that it was even better — she would have fewer rivals. But I could not stop, I was already fascinated by the process of disintegration. Leg dragged for a long time, but in the end, it also disappeared. Losses pursued me one by one. The whole body was covered with festering ulcers and then I realized that the end was just around the corner. There is not much time left to live, and I decided to devote the rest of the minutes to creating an immortal creature to tell about it. She is everything! Life without it is meaningless. Life with her is still meaningless, but a lot more pleasant. It deprives of forces, which becomes infinitely much. She is the Black Hole. Nothing else can resist its attraction except, perhaps, me. But I did not have long. Soon this will fall off, and then the head will immediately roll back. And there will be no one to wake up to breathe a sigh of relief and cry joyfully, what a ridiculous horror will not dream of this foolish head!

I shudder and wake up. After rummaging around in the dark with my hand, I find her beside me with dreary joy. Maybe strangle her with a pillow? No, I will have time to do it always. And with this happy thought, I fall asleep again.