Once I was lying on my couch and was thinking about what I would write about. Then it dawned on me, but I haven’t written about sex for a long time, especially since a new material has accumulated.

Here some may think that I am a sex-conscious maniac. I will answer. Not at all, although I do not understand what is wrong here.

So, let's talk about sex. Open. Hiding nothing. Wait to undress, let's talk on the example of the pistil and stamens. As I remember a young biology teacher, she blushed, turned pale and stuttered before telling us the exciting secrets of the life of flowers, while I thoughtfully looked at her virgin knees, at the low neckline on my chest and painfully trying to imagine what her stamen. Needless to say, my pestle did not remain indifferent to the scenes drawn by a lively children's imagination.

Oh, teachers! Especially young and not very scary, participants of how many imaginary erotic dreams they are. They, the poor, imagine that this excellent student thought so deeply about the Pythagorean theorem, while this pride and hope of the school painfully pretends in his head what position he has not put on a delicious mathematician.

But back to the pistil and stamen. From school, I was not bothered by the question: why do people make love not only for their reproduction, but also for the sake of pure sensual pleasure, but the flowers do not do this? Even animals do not copulate at every opportunity and in the most unexpected places, as is customary in humans.

I think it's all about pineapples. By the way, do you like pineapples? Me neither. So, if pineapples were growing all over the Earth, then everywhere there would be a wonderful warm climate, which is observed in the places where they grow. And it would not occur to our prehistoric ancestor, fleeing from the cold, to put on hides, clothes and other rags. We would still go to what the mother gave birth to. And men every time when looking at a woman would not have the desire to undress her, if she is already in a natural form. And women, in turn, every time when looking at a man would not have the desire to undress. And you, probably, did not even suspect what an important causal link is in a simple pineapple.

Squeaking with a sofa, I turn over on the other side and my thought takes a somewhat self-directed direction.

Looking at myself, I think all the time, what are we, men, still bastards. Now I will explain what I mean. If you take an individual man and ask if he would be against, so that women are completely equal to a man, he will not object to such a good undertaking. But you will see how he will be indignant, and maybe he will fill you in the face if you equate him with a woman.

In fact, there is no man, but there is a kind of woman. No one will deny that a woman multiplies by division. Of course, a man is in some way involved in a mysterious act, in any case, so I would like to think most of them.

Since fertilization does not even require a personal presence from men, they have plenty of free time left for nonsense, such as art, science, and war. Some of them managed to achieve some success here - one book wrote amusingly, another portrait seemed to draw, a third sent the abyss to the people, but still no man could do such a seemingly simple thing how to make light trivial child.

The time has come to end inequality. I propose to start with skirts. In some places, they have already decisively put an end to prejudice, and they are incredibly pleased with it. In Scotland, I heard women literally run after every skirt. No doubt, men's hairy legs, and even crooked ones at times, are not the most colorful sight. But in the end, they shave their cheeks every morning, and they can shave their legs.Of course, the minimum length of men's skirts can not be so vanishingly small, like women's. The length will be strictly determined by the physiological structure of the male body, more precisely, some of its parts.

Walking on heels, too, will need to learn. However, I am afraid that mastering this circus art will cost men nothing. You will need to open a large number of specialized schools and courses, with the mandatory passing of the exam, which consists in the ability to smile with a twist backwards, to pass five meters in high heels so as not to stretch out and not smash your nose.

It's time to use cosmetics and bravely. Moreover, judging by Rembrandt and Raphael, among men there are quite a few people capable of pictorially depicting the face. Of course, in this art they are far from real women. After all, a woman in her life paints a number of portraits that cannot be calculated, the original of which is her own face. Why she does it is difficult to explain. But I feel cold at the thought that women, once agreed, can stop painting at once. Horror! No, it is impossible to mock men like that - they already live less.

We'll have to solve the problem with the bra. Or remove all or all wear. Since women will hardly part with such an urgent part of the toilet - not everyone can throw their breasts without support - they will have to spend money on men. Imagine removing a bra from a man! - women will squeal with delight Yes, and men finally learn to relatively quickly unbutton the puzzles of the upper part of the toilet. Some, I will say without exaggeration, can argue with the Rubik's Cube, but you can hardly approach the part without the pliers.

I turn over on the couch again and start thinking about the fact that I'm lying here alone now, and someone is making love at the same time. After all, surely somewhere on Earth at this very moment someone is moaning in the passionate embrace of his partner, it is even possible that behind the next wall.

It is interesting, but what if you try to calculate the intensity of the sexual life of the entire planet. Indeed, let us assume that the speed of the Earth’s rotation is known, and such an important world value, as the rate of sexual activity, has not yet been calculated.

So, let's begin. On Earth, there are now more than five billion inhabitants. Suppose one billion lives an active sex life, that is, it does this at least three times a week. Judging by the stories of most couples, they spend the night together on the heights of love two and a half times on average. We will not be strict with the storytellers, but just in case, we will discard half of the two. Multiply a billion by three days, two times and divide by two. We get that in a week humanity shudders in sweet agony three billion times. Not bad! And this is also excluding artificial insemination. Divide by seven days, twenty-four hours, three thousand six hundred seconds. We get ... Great !!! Our planet makes love at a speed of five thousand once a second. It is terrible to think, you eat, drink, sleep, and they twist and scream with passion. You work, you think, you lie on the sofa, and they bend in convulsion, fight unconsciously and, finally, calm down peacefully. You ask where did one come from? Well, you must now join the global orgasm, in any case, the author will try to make his modest personal contribution from his sofa.