Some may decide that the sofa does not know in my heart of competition with other furniture. By no means! From time to time, the sublime love of the organism to the horizon is powerless to prevent the body to rush headlong into the arms of the dinner table and indulge in the vicious passion of gluttony, that is, to fill the belly with everything that is not unsuitable.

Appetite - what a wonderful feature of human nature! Appetite does not let us get bored since ancient times. Nothing touched us so deeply and nothing brought sadness so much as the absence of a favorite food nearby. The appetite pushed us to stoning a mammoth and sanding pears from a tree. And to this day, the appetite remains the brightest and all-consuming feeling. Bananas, chicken and champagne - our very first and unforgettable love that we carry from childhood through life.

And now, once again, I felt that a space was formed in the stomach, sufficient to accommodate a planet of decent size. I am pushing my elbow into the side of a woman that lay down to rest next.

- Hey, on the couch!

- What?.

- I want to eat.

- Eat me.

- I do not want.

- Why?

- You're raw.

- Well, I still have to fry for you?

- No, go and fire the chicken, if you do not care what to fry.

“Where will I get you?” The one you bought yesterday, you already ate.

- Yes, it is a pity that the chicken has only two legs, and not four.

- Honey, you do not have a mouth, but a small abyss. You are easier to kill than to feed.

- Well, let me starve, torment me with malnutrition, torture with dystrophy. You look at me, I'm already puffed up with hunger.

- Honey, if you puff up, then only not from hunger. You look at yourself: overfed, drunk, sleepy hairy man. You'd tear your ass off the couch and look at the world around you.

- Excellent thought, let's go to one of my friends right now. For Kratz, for example, His mother cooks fabulously. Eat, and at the same time and talk. And most importantly, no need to spend money.

- What are you stingy!

- I'm not stingy, I'm greedy.

- What's the difference?

“The miser pays twice, and the greedy doesn't pay at all.”

And then it does not apply to guests. Away I am a very generous person. This proves the complete absence of my embarrassment to eat everything that the owners would not file. It even surprises the owners with some incontinence. If I were greedy, did I behave like that? I would peck a little bit in such a way that the hosts, happen to be my guest, would not eat me.

- In that case, Kratz must be regretted today. You already call him too often. He may decide that you do it just for the food.

“Okay, let me die of hunger.”

- Well, you want, let's go to McDonald's.

- You want to insult the holy feeling of my appetite. Never again speak to me about this eatery, or else they will make me sick. Let the service they have and nothing, quick, but these sandwiches, which they call hamburgers - garbage canceled. For which only money is fighting? Yes, even if I pay, I did not take them in his mouth and never will take.

- How do you know that the garbage, if you never took them in your mouth?

- And Kratz told me. In appearance, he says, the appetizer seems to be suitable, but you’ll take it in your mouth — it’s pitiful, he says, there are a lot of people, there’s nowhere to spit.

- Well, you want, we will go to some restaurant. At least in that Italian, remember where you invited me on the first day of our acquaintance.

This is something for me not to remember that restaurant!

Only at that dinner I was going to stick a fork in a steaming pizza brought, as someone snatched it right out of my nose. It was none other than the waiter. It turns out that he confused the order with the next table. Their pizza was twice as expensive. But it was still flowers. This cheap clown at the end of dinner brought the bill, which was three times the most that I expected by all accounts. When I pointed this out to him, he grabbed his head.The murderer confused everything again, but the couple at the next table, who got my account, had already paid for it and safely washed off. I had nothing to do, how to splurge on all the money that I had. You will not be in the presence of the lady that you are going to seduce this evening, to make a noise unworthy of a real man.

And for sure, that evening I did not lose with the lady, why now I call myself the last fool.

“So that I can go to these damned Italians!” Yes, for any pizza in the world!

- Why are you so hot? You will not directly please you.

- And the truth is that it is me. You know, when I'm hungry, I'll just beast. I am capable of anything.

- How is it by the way. Do I have to undress?

Eh! You can see for yourself how that side went out to me.

- Undress, undress! Just with you I'll eat ...

And I will start with her mouth-watering eyes, and by the way, a salty nose will also approach the beer. Indescribably good and bitter ears. Then my hunger quenches my breast, giving me milk. When you lick it from head to toe, no, no, and you come across an appetizing pimple. And nothing excites my appetite like pimples on the body of a woman.

And on the roast, on the roast today we have the tender hip flesh, flowing with spicy gravy of passion. And for dessert, when you are already fed up lying on her stomach, sweet sugar navel.

- And what do you spit at the end?

- I'm not spitting, just caught a hair.

- You do not like women's hair?

“Why, I really like women's hair: kiss them, stroke them, inhale their scent — but who likes to find them in the soup, even if the soup is from human flesh.”

- Cannibal!

- Yes, and not afraid of it. Even when I watch bodybuilders' competitions, their mountains of muscles, for some reason I always start to want to eat.

- God, with whom I contacted! He and bodybuilders have some complaints. Maybe you are a homosexual.

- Well, if we consider that cannibalism is food homosexuality, then ... However, I eat women with great pleasure, as a rule, they have more body.

- Never suspected that you love fatties.

“I hate fat guys, especially when you catch them bored.” A woman is good when her eyes sparkle either from champagne or from hunger.

- Then you have to love everyone indiscriminately, because most of us are busy only in that we are hungry from morning to evening hoping to lose weight.

- To sense something. All her life a woman has been fighting with her own weight. She begins this struggle in early youth and devotes the best years of her life to this difficult cause. Many do not stand uncompromising battles and go the distance, many continue to fight, but the victory can not be expected.

A woman loses weight always, she loses weight even when she is getting fat. If women dropped a hundredth part of the weight that they lose, judging by their speeches, they would have disappeared from this planet long ago, passing through the zero point, leaving the men to themselves.

But a woman in this struggle suffers two defeats. The first is in the fight against the desire to eat a lot and eat tasty food, and the second is in the fight against the consequences of defeat to fight the desire to eat a lot and tasty food.

- And he himself is only busy with what he eats, but not in himself.

- I do not eat, but spiritually enriched.

- You call this “gluttony” spiritual enrichment?

- Yes. What is food? This is a spiritual act of knowing the world through direct contact with it. By absorbing pieces of foreign matter, we let the outside world through us, which is why we receive energy feed and new information from the outside.

- And all my life it seemed that we receive information from books.

- Who argues. To the best that is in us, we owe the book ... about tasty and healthy food. However, other books also contribute to the appetite - the emptiness of the head gradually moves into the stomach. Oh! Quiet! It seems to have begun!

- Darling, why are you clutching his stomach. There is no face on you. And what have you got started?

- I'm sorry, what? Fights! Oh, mommy! How fumbling, bastard.

- But who fumbles?

- Wait ... Hear, toss and turn. Oh, mommy, I will not survive this!

- Can I help you with anything?

- Will you come to my grave?

- You are crazy?!

- Well, it is not necessary! Goodbye, love! You were my faithful friend. Yes, but you did not save the fruit of my love for you. Oh my mommy! As inside, the bastard, broke up, let himself go.

- Can you really say who you have sold there and let yourself go?

- Who, who! Hunger fierce, that's who. Krandets come to me.

- So, maybe before you die you cook a little sausage quickly.

- Sardelechku ... And what, we have?

- Full freezer.

- Wow, head, two ears. How did I forget! Yes, go, go, love, fulfill the last will of the dying, but put more mustard and do not forget the beer.

So, I put on a plate a piece of sausage, mustard and put a beer next to it. For some reason, everything never ends at the same time. For example, the mustard ends, but the sausage and beer remain. We have to report mustard. Or the sausage ends, but the mustard and beer remain. We have to take a new sausage. Well, eating sausages with mustard without beer was hardly anyone who came to mind. Here and in a life: and for a long time it would not be desirable to eat, and nobody can stop.

And my body does not accept anything more than peace. I'm going to him - until the next lecture.