(From the memoirs of 1911)

She stood on the seashore and looked away in the distance.

White steamers took turns leaving the wharf, bursting over the waves chocolate wrappers and scraps of songs bursting out of the tightly closed doors of the deck restaurants.

In the capricious foamy surf, dissatisfied autumnal notes were already slipping, but the Indian summer was still trying to warm the thinned flow of holidaymakers with its ghostly warmth. But this flow is now almost dried up. Usually, the many-voiced summer Yalta subsided by the fall, and Vera walked alone for hours along the deserted embankment.

She did not want to leave this place, although all her friends had already returned home to their everyday affairs and concerns.

Vera did not like autumn - at that time she was always sad, especially in Petersburg. It is better to survive this sad transition to winter here - in Yalta, which was all saturated with memories of hot days and warm twilight, than slowly going crazy in a small three-room apartment on Vasilyevsky Island, looking like a nasty lead rain for days to shoot the shriveled earth .

It seemed to her that if she ever died, it would certainly happen in the fall during such a gray rain, which for her was forever associated with pain and tears. It was in this rain five years ago, returning from the theater, she caught the eye of three tipsy English sailors. They were not rude to her, but they held her hands tightly and clamped her mouth, while the first of them with expert movements destroyed the thin border separating her from the woman.

From this meeting, she left a long incessant bleeding, severe cold and persistent aversion to intimacy with men. She was now uncomfortable with even the thought of marriage and the obligations he imposed on the spouses.

Overcoming an indisposition, Vera lay on an ottoman all day, and, watching the cold streams of rain streaming down the window glass, pondered about the relationship between men and women. Romantic fleur forever flown for her from this relationship. It seemed to her that she understood the essence of men who, behind beautiful words and courtship, skillfully hid their true face, turning out to be in fact simply lascivious males taking the female by force when they feel like it. And unhappy women in this situation were for them only a submissive tool for satisfying their passion.

“Although,” she immediately corrected herself, “women, too, are different ...”

As, for example, those that came to the house of her aunt under the guise of girlfriends, chatting about their love intrigues behind their husbands. These ladies caused the Faith no less dislike.

After some time, having reached the logic of their reasoning to conclude that all people are vicious and their relationship is filth, Vera did not want to see anyone else - neither men nor women. And, in the end, she refused to receive guests at all, including Vladimir Dmitrievich, who had not concealed her feelings for her for a long time.

For a year, everyone was looking forward to when Vladimir Dmitrievich would make an offer to Vera, but he made endless visits and still could not decide on a final explanation.

Faith, being in complete disorder of feelings, was now even glad of it.

Anastasia Pavlovna, Vaina’s sister, with whom Vera lived after the death of her parents, immediately felt the change that had happened to her, and pestered her niece, trying to find out about the reason for her changed behavior.

Unable to withstand the onslaught of inquiries, Vera told her about the rape, and read in the eyes of her aunt, who had recoiled from her, unconcealed squeamishness.

“I finished playing, theatrical girl ...” Anastasia Pavlovna said contemptuously, casting Vera with such a condemning look, as if a fallen woman were standing in front of her. - Who will marry you now? One road - to the kept woman ...

Vera was terrified of such a fate, and thinking: “Then it’s better to go to the monastery!”, Burst into tears, and, running into her bedroom, she fell flat on the bed.

And the next day, Vladimir Dmitrievich, who appeared without an invitation on a visit to Vera, unexpectedly made her an offer and was very discouraged, having received a refusal from her.

Anastasia Pavlovna, who was delighted that the disgraced niece would now be attached, furious at Vera, when she heard Vladimir Dmitriyevich refuse, and gave her a wild scandal after he left.

- Get out of my house, there is no place for such stupid and spoiled girls! - she threw in hearts in conclusion, after which she left, proudly carrying her head and slamming the door loudly.

As a result, Vera was forced to leave the house of her aunt, and, finding herself a rented apartment, move there, mourning the loss of her virginity and hope for the future.

The money left to her from her parents and selling their home allowed Vera to live independently, but she, not accustomed to living alone, at first felt completely alone and abandoned by the whole world.

Vladimir Dmitrievich, who did not want to accept the refusal of the Faith, which she did not even want to explain to him, did not find her at home during her regular visit, was very surprised and demanded clarification from Verina's aunt.

Anastasia Pavlovna, being very angry with her niece, vengefully told him everything without reserve, and was disappointed to see an unexpectedly pleased smile instead of annoyance or shock on Vladimir Dmitrievich's face.

Having asked the address of Vera, Vladimir Dmitrievich, once again and having somehow mysteriously smiled, he bowed and left.

Presented a few days before the surprised Vera on the threshold of her new apartment with a bouquet of roses and a bottle of champagne, Vladimir Dmitrievich immediately announced to her:

- Vera Nikolaevna, I need to talk to you seriously!

Vera, hesitating for a second in indecision, silently stepped aside, inviting him to enter.

“Dear Vera Nikolaevna,” Vladimir Dmitrievich began solemnly, removing his coat and hat and passing into the small drawing room, “I learned everything from your aunt, and I sympathize with you very much. I now know why you did not accept my offer, and appreciated your modesty, but I assure you that what happened to you has no meaning for me.

“For you: maybe ...” Vera smiled sadly. - But for me, unfortunately, this is even very important. Do not persuade me, I will not marry you, Vladimir Dmitrievich, and if this calms down your pride a little, I will add: and for no one else ...

“Vera Nikolaevna, I don’t insist now,” said Vladimir Dmitrievich, putting his hand to his heart, “but I must say that you are too young to live alone, without male support.” I would like to be your friend, close friend ...

- How close? - looking at him with hostility, Vera directly asked, realizing what he was getting at.

“As close as possible,” Vladimir Dmitrievich replied, defiantly looking at Vera, and smiled: “Now, after all, there are no obstacles to our rapprochement ...”

- You think so?! - was shocked by his frankness Vera.

“Of course, dear,” he said in a patronizing tone, walking up to her and taking her hand. - The obstacle for rapprochement between a man and a girl is her innocence, but now you are a woman ... And, honestly, I am very pleased with this wonderful circumstance!

“Are you glad you raped me ?!” - Vera exclaimed in shock, taking away her hand and moving away.

- Well, why so rude! - Vladimir Dmitrievich frowned. - I am glad that a rough job was done for me. Now usually a painful parting with virginity does not prevent me from satisfying your sensuality. And you, believe me, a very sensual woman, only you yourself are not aware of this.

He again approached Vera and suddenly ...