Most married couples with experience of more than ten years are interested in the question of how to accustom partner (shu) to various kinds of experiments in bed. It seems to someone that there is nothing complicated in this, on the contrary, to someone that this is impracticable. I will say right away that I am not a professional psychological counselor and have not studied this problem from a scientific point of view. All that I can share with you is my own family experience and the experience of those couples with whom I have had the opportunity to communicate frankly on these topics. Therefore, this article is not a scientific work on sexology, but just an attempt to share with you your experience. It is possible that it will be useful to someone in life and will help to find harmony and diversity in the difficult work of family sex.
So, the common problem of the majority of married couples “with experience” is the transformation of sex into an empty duty, into regular “duty” and routine. We ourselves are often lazy about changing and complicating things on the family bed, and then we sprinkle ashes on our heads and complain that sex with the wife is a weasel and doesn’t carry anything other than the unattractive “family duty”.

Even for those couples who have come together for love and have a genuine passion and attraction for each other at the beginning of the family journey, a moment of crisis comes over the years. Moreover, this most notorious crisis begins from the bed, and only then it spreads to other aspects of life, poisoning and negating all relationships in general. And speaking of marriages - mesallies or just “early maturity”, there is not a point. In them, the crisis is an integral part and payment for such an approach to creating a family.
Therefore, we agree that we will only talk about marriages that were concluded on the basis of mutual feelings, for trying to save and breathe a second life into something that was not there is a stupid and not rewarding affair.
Of course, it is very important not to wait “for the weather by the sea”, but from the very beginning of family life try to make your sex non-trivial and as diverse as possible. But we are all so arranged that “until the thunder clap, the peasant does not cross himself!” Therefore, we begin to think about this problem only when it is already time to go out onto the balcony and shout in a voice: “Help!”. Prior to this, we in every way persecute these thoughts from ourselves and hope that we will definitely “carry it through” in our “special” (sublime, based on love and mutual respect) relations of crisis under no circumstances. However, life shows that we are mistaken, and sooner or later it still overtakes even the most organic couples.

Man by nature is so arranged that over time, he bores everything and everyone. Even if he will eat some delicacies: caviar, mussels, crabs, etc., after a while he will not be able to look at them. Only diversity saves him from satiety. Neither than, in this sense, his attitude towards sex is different. If there is no diversity in sex, then, in spite of the true feelings towards the partner, the person will get fed up with them.

Many of us know how in 5-6-8 years of marriage you come home, go to bed with your wife, and suddenly you realize that she expects caresses from you and everything that follows them, but for some reason you DO NOT -THE- Here, even kill! You know to the smallest detail and the most insignificant details of what will be between you now. How will you caress her, what will she answer to this, how will you enter into it and what of this will she especially like and what does not. You know by heart every curve of her body and every nuance in the timbre of her groans.
She hasn't been able to fool you for ages and you always know for sure whether she is simulating an orgasm and all her reactions to your actions in bed or not, since you have studied your beloved and did not leave a single “white spot” to the smallest details. on the matrix of your love joys. And whatever it is, because you sincerely love her and treat her with great tenderness, but the trouble is that you want it less and less.And sometimes you do not want at all! Her beautiful, so familiar and desirable, the body has ceased to start you. Now you need to spend a couple of weeks without sex, so that, as before, pounce on her “enraged tiger” and sweep away everything in your path on the way to orgasm. And now she is increasingly pretending to be tired and not ready for love. Sometimes it infuriates you, and you barely hold back so as not to arrange a “debriefing”, and sometimes you sigh with relief and thank mentally “providence”, since sex with her at the moment would be like a service and penal servitude. This is how the “beginning of the end” is born in your relationship. If a couple, like two ostriches, starts to hide its head in the sand with similar symptoms and, following the example of Scarlett O * Hara, say: “I will think about it tomorrow ...”, then the next stage of this relationship is not enviable. The first thing that follows is the instinctive, unconscious interest of partners to other individuals of the opposite sex. Both spouses, imperceptibly for themselves, begin to assess on the subject of attractiveness everything that falls to them on the path of life, the male (female) population. For the first time in many years, they begin to notice that the “husband of Sveta” is an excellent, athletic torso, and the “wife of the chef” has slender legs and cool breasts, etc., etc. Then the husband begins to give compliments to the employees at work so that make sure that he has not yet lost his masculine charisma and is popular with women. A wife (while loved at work) starts to get a page in the social. networks under fictitious names and from the left photos, with the sole purpose - to understand whether she is able to still excite the imagination of men and drive them crazy. From this there is only one step before the betrayal and before the collapse of the family.

Question: How to avoid all this? How not to turn sex into a routine? How to keep freshness and variety in bed over the years?
I will try to tell you how we managed with my wife and some other couples, although it is clear that many will find this “method” unacceptable for themselves and lying beyond the limit of permissible. Then this article is not for them. Just close it and don't read it.
So, in my opinion, the main thing in the marital bed is dialogue. Anyone who is shy or does not consider it necessary to talk with his wife about sex, is initially doomed to difficulty in the relationship and the subsequent crisis. From the very beginning of sexual life, you should teach yourself and your wife to talk about sex and, without hesitating, be able to share with each other the most intimate and intimate. You should know everything about each other's sexual fantasies, and this is not easy, because fantasies, unlike real sex, can be terribly extraordinary and even more so - perverted. You can tell about this beloved (moom) only if there is 100% understanding and trust between you. Many are afraid of this and say: “No, not when! She will not understand me! I will tell, and then I will not be able to look into her eyes! ” Probably, they are right and if you take a situation in which a couple for ten years of marriage didn’t say anything in bed, and then (all of a sudden) the husband suddenly says to his wife: “Honey! And if we do not try threesome sex !? ”, then the reaction of the spouse is very predictable. To all the person must be prepared, to let down. Long and gradually. And if you share your fantasies in bed with your soulmate for a long time, together you watch and frankly discuss porn, then shock and rejection will not cause her ANYTHING! The whole question is whether you have prepared it well for this.

It is very difficult to always take the first step in a similar case. Try to start talking about sex at the time of the sexual intercourse, when the woman is very excited, and therefore - the most liberated. Ask her to start something simple and harmless. For example: "In what position do you end the fastest?" Or "Do you like to suck?". The main thing is to start a dialogue in bed. To teach her to talk to you. By themselves, these dialogues will add to your “pepper” in sex. As you get used to them, the topics of conversation can be complicated and make them more "depraved."At the time of excitement, it is not so difficult, because the consciousness of both is very clouded and the fact that in everyday life can not break from the lips, during sex sounds organic. Over time, this can become your “ritual” and add extra excitement to your sex. Perhaps you will even work through the “necessary” questions during the day and wait eagerly for the night to finally ask your beloved one. You will discover that she is also not a “blue stocking” at all and is capable of passion and depraved thoughts. To some of the couples, and this will already be enough, someone will go further.
For those whom only frank talk does not satisfy, there is a “second phase”. So, with the ability to speak frankly with your wife on the most intimate and “delicate” topics, you bring her to the point that she tells you in time about her most intimate fantasies. I assure you that in 90% of women these very “fantasies” are much bolder and more depraved than you can imagine. Therefore, when you already know her fantasies, the next step, you have to persuade her to implement them, unless of course you are ready for this. You should not force yourself, in this sense, to force and try to accomplish what you do not like. This way you poison your life even worse than everything would have been if you had bad, banal sex. So, first of all, think carefully about what you yourself are ready for in bed, and then act.

I have heard sad stories a thousand times about how, after watching thematic porn, a man persuaded his wife to have threesome sex. She, without a doubt, agreed (sometimes and simply “for him”, not wanting this herself), but it turned out to be “bjaka”. Burning with jealousy and disgust, he barely waited for the end of the action, and then for a couple of years he called his wife a “whore” and experienced a genuine disgust for her. It all ended in a divorce.
Therefore, dear men, approach responsibly and carefully to your desires. Enlist with the beginning of confidence that you are morally prepared, and only then experiment. Do not make early decisions caused by the momentary call of the flesh. After all, your family well-being is at stake. And if someone thinks that making “group sex” is as “funny” and exciting as watching a video of the same name, then he is greatly mistaken. To realize your fantasies you have to go, being 100% sure that you are ready for this. And not only you, but also your partner.

Start better with diversity in your own bed, without resorting to attracting outside "forces" in it, in the form of additional partners and partners. First, bring your wife to the sexual diversity together. After all, many couples do not practice with each other or anything other than classic sex. Many believe that oral and anal sex is for prostitutes and mistresses, but for sex with my wife there is only “one hole” and she is “ahead”! Try to change your rules and discover that your devotee also knows how to and likes to do blowjob and loves to get cunnilingus in return. Tactfully, slowly, teach her to get genuine pleasure through the anus, and not just through the vaginal. Buy a pair of toys and simmit in bed double penetration into her sweet holes. Play role-playing games. Play the role of her slave or just a lover. Find out exactly what fantasies excite her imagination and fulfill them. Sex of a well-established couple may not be a chore at all if you both want it and put some effort into it. Do not hesitate to watch porn, because it is for watching you both understand what turns you on from the variety of sex, and what leaves you absolutely indifferent. Learn to discuss what you see, do not hesitate to tell each other on a straight line, what each of you liked and what didn’t. Imagine and embody each other in bed. Overcome your complexes and taboos together. Teach your wife to be a “whore” in bed with you and yourself for her - a “call boy”. Do not hesitate your desires!

If at some point you realize that the degree of your family and sexual freedom has already reached the point that you are ready, having come home from work one night, to bring a strapon with you and ask your darling to fuck you in the ass (as an option) , and she, in her turn, does not hesitate to ask you to buy her a “big and black African member” at a sex shop and fuck her with it in full (it’s not necessary what it is), then you’re not exactly on the right track and monotony in sex undermine your marriage and it will not turn into a routine.