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Comment on publication: BORT 556. Mystery-adventure thriller. Screen version Series 1 (Adults Only)

score 8 (in advance and for an interesting plot). And now let's essentially:
1) incorrectly placed categories (no “loss of virginity”, “traditionally”);
2) for the erotic site, very little of the same erotica (or rather, the erotic itself would be enough for 10-15 minutes of the film - showing Jane half-animated, but half a page of vague description of the first sex has a lot of "extra" text that can be taken as the buildup of the author and topic);
3) too lengthy dialogues about anything - at the end they finished mentioning politics, what is the policy for a 30 year old guy who found Obama (is this to tie to modernity?) That this guy could understand in the 2000s? I'm already afraid to see his reasoning about the 90s (was he then 5 or 6?)
4) How great is the author's experience in sailing? and in scuba diving? somehow the first and second are unconvincingly spelled out. But it can be sanded
5) it is difficult to polish the love experiences (somehow quite childish for the "experienced" sailor)
6) a trickle of blood in the morning ... there are cases, but so that a trickle as much ... then here is clearly "lucky"; (I don’t carp too much, but if this moment doesn’t give a significant disclosure in the further narrative, it’s better not to frighten the girls in the first act (yes - it hurts, yes - there were secretions, yes - the young man didn’t want to see this pain for several days, but the flow of blood and flour during sex is overkill)

But in general, write and sign ...

• Rating: 1

Comment on publication: For what bought ... Buy boss

No continuation ... only the path of debauchery or triviality

• Rating: 2

Comment on publication: Live crew. Part 3

Third mastered times from the fifth. "Scenes" were limp and monotonous, kept only interest, and what a secret to Isabel. But the denouement was generally crumpled and placed on a half sheet.

At the same time, the whole story deserved its ten, but what to do with it further is a question. Such books are unlikely to be able to go into circulation, although they could take a worthy place on the amateur shelf (take the same Orpheus Car by Aldridge - so there are plenty of sex scenes too).

If I were you, I would try to find a risky publisher ... the book really would be good if you combed its ending, and the whole third part

• Rating: 4

Comment on publication: Christmas chores

true, "come back with trinity" - smiled

• Rating: 1