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Comment on publication: Alchibian Alexis. Chapter 6
The author has many cases with which he is not coping well, but by the New Year I planned to lay out a new portion of stories. True, in these particular stories Alexis will be present only as a cameo, if it upsets my readers.
Comment on publication: Slut Lenka. Part 2
Honestly, until the last moment I thought that the author is simply a troll that is “so thick that it is even thin,” simply because “there are no such abnormals”. But the author’s recent reports have completely convinced me: this terrible person is in fact, quite seriously convinced that his poor writing is a masterpiece, and the fact that he is given a few is a sign of success.
There could be a detailed review of this “masterpiece”, but ... First of all, seriously examining this so-called story is like writing a detailed review of the lamb that ended with the words “And then John was a zombie”. This “work” is simply below any criticism - its author, obviously, stopped in mental development at the level of a high school student. And secondly, it would be a meaningless exercise to analyze this story: the misery of this work is obvious to any normal reader, and the author seems to be so sure of his own genius that he is absolutely indestructible for any arguments. Alas.
Comment on publication: Nyana
True?! The Lord is with you, the author is lying like a gray gelding! "Kazan took, Astrakhan took," fought with those, fought with these ...
No, we must pay tribute to him - he thought over the “legend” well, there is no particular contradiction in the facts ... well, except that the story itself, as before the military appeared a girl of unearthly beauty and all possible merits (EXTREMELY, apparently, the town where the entire garrison is four people with a commander, that is, it was hardly a big city), and the hero, having seen her, completely lost his head, straight from bad romance novels. But the author is given speech markers - it is all the same, as if Stirlitz spoke German with a clear Russian accent.
Firstly, if the author really participated in the hostilities in Chad in 1984, he should now be in fifty years. (If you try to calculate his age according to his first story, about the Crimea, now he should be 56 years old, and at the time of the described events he was 25). But in his speech there are no words-markers and speech turns that would indicate his respectable age — on the contrary, he has a vocabulary and speech of a twenty-thirty-thirty-year-old youth. No, of course, now there are older men who communicate and behave like teenagers, and it may be (!) That he really was a sergeant at twenty-five (and could terrify a man much older and more experienced than him, yeah), - but then there may be too many of them.
Further, the author, if he served for several years in the Foreign Legion, had to live abroad for several years, in exile. True, he does not tell how and why he found himself in emigration at the age of twenty, and why he then returned back (and it follows from the text that he returned). But in his speech, again, there are no marker words that would indicate that he had lived in emigration for several years, in a different language environment. Moreover, allegedly having served for several years in the French Legion, the author does not use a single word in the text in French! In English - there is, but who does not know English now?
And the supposedly serving author does not use at all ... military jargon.For example, the military is unlikely to say "Lockheed AC-130" - he would rather call her the nickname that the soldiers called her - however, I don’t know what this nickname could be.
Further, the author is unexpectedly stingy in details where details could not be missing. Or rather, it is striking that not a single character, except the beloved hero, is named by name, and indeed, all secondary characters are completely devoid of any individuality. But these were (assuming that the story really took place) living people, some of whom the author allegedly served for several years! But he doesn’t call his colleagues even by name!
Finally, the author, most likely, considers himself Russian and, judging by the conclusion of the story, his “soul hurts for the Motherland”, but all this did not prevent him from serving in the armed forces of a foreign country without reflexing on this topic at all. If this is patriotism, then some kind of strange. However, quite characteristic of office plankton representatives, who, in their own opinion, “for their homeland, but against the state,” most likely, the author is in fact a young man of thirty who has never served in the army (but considers himself a military expert case), living in a major city in Russia and working somewhere in the office.
And in conclusion - I would not say a word if the author simply lied - after all, there are plenty of “true” stories about guys who fucked their own mothers or become transsexual prostitutes. But the author, who appropriated non-existent orders and titles, has the audacity and self-confidence to take the position of a mentor and broadcast from the podium - from the height of his fictional life experience.
P. S .: There remains only one unresolved question: what did you need to smoke in order to post this explicit political pamphlet on the site of _erotic_ stories?
Comment on publication: Alexisverse. Part 3: Personal Space
Could you turn your mind? I understand in general what you do not like, but do not quite grasp what exactly what you do not like is manifested. I do not promise that I will agree with all your promises, but I would like to hear what and where, in your opinion, needs improvement ...
Comment on publication: Alexisverse. Part 5: Right to childbearing
Hmmm, this time it was again a completely vanilla happy ending, but I realized this after the story was finished. :)
So this is the last of a small series of stories written in the Alexisvers universe from November to January. Thanks for attention! :) I hope to return to this universe, but for now I can’t say for sure when - definitely not in the coming months.
Comment on publication: Alexisverse. Part 3: Personal Space
Well, thank God! And then, I confess, I was afraid that in vain I would pay so much attention to all these details. :)
Comment on publication: Alexisverse. Part 3: Personal Space
If any reader remembers my old stories about Alexis, I could notice that I “cut out” from the universe the fact that Alchebians emit pheromones when they change sex, causing people to want sex from others. It was simply that Alexis herself, in old stories, “ran across” someone's pheromones with improbable regularity and found herself in the position of a rapist or in the position of a victim of violence, and she still got away with it, it seemed to me too improbable. Perhaps I will sometime rewrite old stories entirely, but it is unlikely that I will do it in the coming year.
Comment on publication: Alexisverse. Part 1: The best guy on the course
Honestly, when I was just starting to think over the image of Helga, I myself did not expect her to come out like this ... a complete egoist.%)
As for the continuation, I have in each of the five stories - my own heroes and my own storyline. Did I really disappoint you? * _ * If I took to continue the storyline of each ... "I will not drink so much" (c)
Comment on publication: Alexisverse. Part 1: The best guy on the course
Hello dear readers! This story is the first of five I have written in the period from November to the present, the action of which takes place in the universe of stories about “Alexis' alchibian” (which I myself called “Alexisvers”). Please do not be intimidated by the speed with which I will post new stories. ^ _ ^ If you were attentive readers, you might have noticed that the details of the description of the universe have undergone a noticeable revision. I would like to continue the story lines of the main stories, but this is some other time.
Comment on publication: the Forbidden fruit is sweet
This work is so chic that even the first paragraph of it is just a masterpiece!
"I always knew my worth, always, probably ...
My name is Elena, 19 years old, brunette, tall and brown eyes, but there were moments when I was not happy with my appearance but not now. ”
The first two sentences cause a smile: the heroine “always” knew her worth, but she was only 19 years old. This is exactly what age she knew her worth? A 19-year-old girl, with aplomb stating that “she always knew her worth,” causes only one thought - that she is a fool. No, the main character of the story may be a fool, but the intuition (and the four missing commas in the second sentence, not counting a couple of other mistakes - the author, why do you hate commas?)
Then we learn that our heroine is studying for a teacher (how long has she been studying, given her age - one or two years?), She has an apartment in which she lives alone, and which is given to her by her great-grandmother (why great-grandmother?), And she was adult rich gentlemen. If she were a fantasy hero, she would have an armor rifle, a magic sword and a talking horse, and in modern times she has to be content with apartments for personal use and rich cavaliers.
The next is better. "But gentlemen I always had, let's say not both poor and my peers." Again it is "always"! Always - how long ago, given that our heroine, I remind you, is 19 years old? There are two options: either our heroine had several adult rich gentlemen over the past year (she said “gentlemen” in the plural number - unless, of course, this does not mean that as her “always” lasts one year, so does her “cavalier "- only one person), or our heroine met with rich men, not yet being full age. In both cases, one has to draw the same conclusion: the heroine of the story - so to speak, the girl does not have very high moral principles (as she managed to preserve her virginity - history is silent).
This is only the first paragraph - then everything is about the same. An illiterate language, a stamped plot, missing logic and pianos sticking out of the bushes. In general, you understand.