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Comment on publication: Inga and Roman. Bottom
Unfortunately, we don’t understand this difference between “well written” and “life is broken”, between fantasies and reality. Fantasies do not destroy the family, on the contrary, but their "realization" ... Take at least this story. Like fantasy, everything is fine. But in the "practice", well, what is it for the haspada, we all know. Freeloaders, loners, fuckers, forgive my God, petty envious people of others happiness. God forbid that there is not any criminal activity, the pimply podzhavaya podzabornaya, of which too, in bulk, and all such here, “cool” and eager for free debauchery, preferably by the crowd on the deffka, the crowd and quietly, they are not so scary, gengbeng, they say, everything by. They act through deffka, they blame everything on her husband, as is usual for panties. In short, I can’t imagine a normal, happily married man who would suffer such a painful life, he would seduce other people's wives even if she asks for it herself. Again, to break another's family through a woman, you don’t need a lot of mind, and this is not a man’s occupation. So this is all for the scavengers, as the hero of this story shows, if you take a sober look. Previously, such dark men arranged and pralno did)) However, all the male characters here are stilted, unreal, and the roskaz as a whole is focused on the woman, and turns on her sexual madness. Because fantasy is quite cute, but only as a fantasy. And if the afftor has a desire to rake in everything that his heroes have done in the first three parts, in a realistic manner ... yes, here perhaps you will not find the head of the drama. Maybe even someone will give ... And pralno do))))))))))
Comment on publication: Svetka. Part 2
since you yourself asked about this, Minusilkin ёptit: D
let alone English sales do not dream, there finally is the 80th level, you never dreamed of this: D
Comment on publication: Svetka. Part 2
And yes, my Russian is much better than yours.
Comment on publication: Svetka. Part 2
Why are you angry with God? what I have written to you is the truism of literature. It is always necessary to insert phrases in foreign languages, having thought a hundred times before doing it, and even more so in direct speech. Since direct speech is alive, it is always colored and conveys the character of the character. Well, there are a lot of sites with English erolith, see how the direct speech of the characters during sex is transmitted there. Not by Google, they say! It is logical to assume that these will be fragments of phrases (during sex), shits and fakie, and not properly constructed sentences with decent words like yours. Where did you find such a gentleman, I do not know, probably in the 19th century. What you want it differently, I did not understand, but this is definitely not the original saying (it would be the other way or something like that). And most importantly, there is no special need for this technique, everything can be written in Russian (as a rule, this is done in similar cases). And that the wife, it is all clear, I did not cling to her phrases.
Comment on publication: I played. Part 2
small thinking, "cutlets", "should", "please", you look at everyone in the comments. Well, since “a different understanding”, then return to my first comment, minus one more time, and forget about the rest, Master Bolzak: D
Comment on publication: I played. Part 2
Was the idea to describe the mental agony of heroines? and you don’t mark in Balzacs))) Mental agony should be motivated, and you have ordinary aunts, young and middle-aged, quite happy with your life, according to your words. Where does it come from spiritual torment? From nedotraha how are you trying to show? This does not lead to mental anguish, but just to fuck. Arina, Grish, husband with a boss cheating? Here there could be a mental agony, but it is not. And you want us to believe in the spiritual anguish of such heroines? Dudka!
About a boring presentation that you do not consider to be a flaw ... This is not a flaw, this is what any writer during work should think about, try to avoid, even the most ingenious, if he wants to be interesting. I repeat: you state everything in a row, how you went to the bath, how to go to the toilet, and thought about it. This is the right way to a boring presentation. Often I can guess what the character will think, what word or phrase you use further - this is also the path to a boring presentation. Surprise me. Make her think about something else. Use a completely unexpected phrase. Then I will confirm, you wrote unseemly.
Comment on publication: I played. Part 2
One question is what I want, the other is what you yourself failed, what your text asks (and not even its customer). Do you really think your high intentions are incomprehensible? They are clear. Do you really think that if you paint everything, all the thoughts and feelings of the heroes (although nothing original has occurred to them), then the text will become deeper? Will not. Do you really think that having arranged all this irony of fate with the return of the bra in the waiting room, then having described the bored sex of the lovers tired of each other in the sauna, did you develop the action? Not developed. I did not want to offend you, you are not hopeless, because I give you detailed comments.
And about "read the stories in 2 pages", do not look down on them. You also have only 2 pages so far. I will quote someone's comment from the first part: “To be honest, I flipped up to 5 pages - then read avidly.”
Comment on publication: I played. Part 2
Afftor, why? You left the heroes at the peak of excitement, and the second part turned into a boring office romance. But you were warned about the weaknesses of the first part - well, not Balzac, not Onore, and why should you become one? The second part was supposed to be a solid fuck all three, with the dominance of Arina. Arina herself had to tell about escort services, masturbating for show for a couple of satisfied lovers! Well, everything like that ... Eh! spoiled the song ... Master Carlos!
Comment on publication: Svetka. Part 2
Here is another special, a million errors in one phrase, and there too: D
at least:
How about a black man?
Comment on publication: Svetka. Part 2
just do not need to write in a language that you do not know as a native. Porn goes, but a slightly different kind. Why do you even in the story of English? There is absolutely nothing for you to brag about in it for now, believe me, it is not alive.