Ivan Ivanovich has a disgusting genetics. All relatives on the maternal line barely lived to seventy years, and paternal even less. But, interestingly, all were talented people: scientists, musicians, inventors. Ivan Ivanovich himself is a polyglot. He knows more than fifteen languages. Two weeks were enough for him to master a new language, but he decided that this was enough, and he didn’t bother himself once more: life is short, and even more so for him.

He worked as a translator at the consulate of Russia in one of the countries of Southeast Asia. His personal life was unimportant. Children with the wife gave birth to enough, and all of them already have the families. There are grandchildren. When he was sixty, his wife, who was ten years younger than him, began to have conflicts on the basis of intimate life.

He began to pay off his conjugal debt less and less often, and finally, he stopped altogether. His wife got a lover, then the second ... Ivan Ivanovich decided not to divorce his wife, so as not to be a laughing stock in the eyes of the children, but left to work abroad. He liked the job, he coped with it easily. There was a lot of free time, and he went to museums and libraries. Vulgar places were forbidden for employees of the consulate to attend, and he wasn’t drawn to it.

Often, sitting at the TV screen, he fell asleep in his apartment. And now, comfortably seated in an easy chair, Ivan Ivanovich prepared to watch the program "By Countries and Continents." Through the slumber, he suddenly heard such a dream that instantly disappeared. The announcer said that on one of one thousand six hundred and forty islands of the Republic of the Philippines, people live up to one hundred and twenty years, and even more. Dying at the age of less than one hundred years is simply not proper there. Such a death is considered a great shame. Scientists are still unable to find an explanation for this phenomenon, but they assume that healing sources rich in selenium, local plants and, most importantly, the geographical position of the island, which is located in the very center of infrared rays from the Sun to the Earth, contribute to this phenomenon. However, the natives think differently: it’s all about sex with islanders, and they are famous for their temperament and fecundity. Birth at eighty years there is a rule, not an accident.

Ivan Ivanovich, in his sixty-five years, had long forgotten about the charms of love, and this didn’t worry him very much, but the message that people could live for so long on a far-away island could hurt him. “How much is left for me? - he thought, - about five years from strength, my genetics will allow, and then - the end ”. And he decided to find out all about the wonderful island. “What the hell is not joking, what if?” - he thought. And it started ... I began to make inquiries. Employees of the consulate have not heard anything about this phenomenon, however, the owner of a small cafe, where Ivan Ivanovich often went to drink a cup or two of coffee, told a lot of interesting things.

- It is impossible to get there as a tourist. The island is closed to the public. But as a migrant worker - please! - he told. “But they will offer you the dirtiest or the most dangerous job: the indigenous people are Muslims, so they give preference to people from countries that honor the Koran.

“Well, we have a lot of Muslims in Russia, I read the Koran several times,” Ivan Ivanovich thought, “and let's deal with the work!” He found out from his acquaintance how to get to the desired land, bought a ticket, took a leave of absence for all five years of work at the consulate and, inspired by hope, set off. At work, said he wants to travel around the islands ...

On that hot summer, the elements presented many tragic events. There were several shipwrecks with numerous casualties. When in due course Ivan Ivanovich did not return to work, he was considered missing.

But back to the story.After three days, a small steamer moored in a cozy harbor. At the migration bureau, after a thorough check of documents, the officials busily asked about the purpose of his arrival.

“Find a job,” Ivan Ivanovich quickly found.

- Do you know Spanish and other languages?

- I know Spanish and fifteen more languages ​​...

Having received a visa for a job for a period of two weeks, which can be extended only after employment. Ivan Ivanovich decided to walk through the streets of the capital of the island. It differed from other capitals except the size of houses and the presence of minarets. I found the hotel and, having received the keys to the room, went to bed.

In the morning I bought newspapers and began to read ads. Advertising offered all imported. On the island, nothing but food was produced. There were no motor transport, casinos, restaurants either - only rickshaws, bicycles and elephants. “Right before the last century,” thought Ivan Ivanovich.

Bank of job vacancies is not pleased. Offered work that he had no idea. Suddenly, his gaze rested on a strange announcement: “A competition is announced for the filling of vacancies of eunuchs in the harem of his Excellency. Applicants from 60 to 70 years old who know at least five foreign languages ​​are allowed. ” Below Ivan Ivanovich saw the phone number. A pleasant female voice quickly brought him up to speed.

It turns out that neutered eunuchs were not allowed to participate in the contest. The ruler of the island could not tolerate effeminate servants in the harem. Were needed not lost male appearance, but not capable of mating impotent. Among the male islanders, there were no such people - all of them, up to a very old age, retained the ability to conceive. Therefore, only elderly foreigners were invited.

Ivan Ivanovich was terribly surprised at the coincidence of his possibilities with the conditions of the provision of work. “This is what it means to appear at the right time in the right place,” he thought happily. At the appointed hour, he was already awaited, and the guard freely let him into the palace of the Ruler. The servants took him to a huge hall, where bearded sheikhs sat on soft pillows. The steward informed him that the competition was held in three rounds for the elimination of applicants under the Olympic system. With only one significant difference - the strongest leaves, the one with impotence is not final! You had to sign your agreement with all the conditions. Ivan Ivanovich did this so swiftly that he did not even read the fine print of the contract.

There were five contenders on this day: two Chinese, an Englishman, a Frenchman, and he is Russian. After completion of all the formalities of the first round. All contestants were stripped naked, underwent a medical examination, anthropological data were measured and placed on couches. When the majority of the lights went out in the hall and the twilight was established, wonderful music began to play, it seems, from Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade.

To the sounds of this music, six naked beauties entered the hall, as they say. Their bodies were bent in graceful postures, imitating desires with corresponding body movements. Then they divided into pairs and began to caress each other with tongues and fingers, starting from the heels and ending in the most intimate places, while they voiced sounds, imitating the sirens seducing Odyssey on his sea voyage.

All this went on for about half an hour, and in the midst of this performance, the jury suddenly grew up behind the competitors and checked for an erection in them. The poor Chinese were immediately eliminated as they could not stand the test. The Englishman, the Frenchman and Ivan Ivanovich went to the second round. After a hearty lunch and a short rest, the naked contestants were laid on couches.

Now the task was complicated by the fact that each got two temptresses. Moreover, if one of them imitated sex with a job seeker in different positions, the second one demonstrated everything in practice with a partner that appeared.The Frenchman fastened for a long time, but in one of the positions of the temptress, he could not stand it and put it in the right place, without a miss, because I can’t take my sword, I seriously violated the conditions of the competition. Ivan Ivanovich reached the final with an Englishman.

The third round took place late in the evening. Each contestant had to choose his partner for the night of the six top models. Englishman first ...