Good day, dear reader. Scored on the funny, I would say black humor, the stories of Alexei Ilyin. Humor is very specific, with a few very nasty words, not for people with a thin, vulnerable body of mind.

Spelling of some words: author, did not correct.

1. Hedgehog milk.

In the morning on the way to school, I got my foot in the shit. Some fucking creatures shit right on the sidewalk. Having stepped aside, I, swearing, began to rub carefully with a running shoe on the withered grass leaving brown stripes and stains on it. At this time, from the next house, Nina appeared, cheerfully pussy toward the school.

- Niiinkaaa !!! - I cried, continuing to crawl my foot on the grass as quickly as possible, mixing the yellowed leaves with mud and shit. That's the way it is with life, I thought, at first everything is fine, and then someone wipes his feet about you, mercilessly trampling in shit. From these thoughts, the mood has become even worse.

- BUT? - responded Ninka.

- Fuck ... gygygy. The thing is, - I, having thrown to bring my shoes in order, ran up to her and sat down beside him.

- Hello, - I greeted me as delicately as possible, looking at her over her mature tits.

- What do you want? - she wrinkled her nose with disgust and looked suspiciously at my sneakers. She herself smelled like some kind of sweet deodorant, freshness, mint chewing gum and the inviting scent of a young woman, which caused a noticeable stir in my pants.

Ninka studied in a parallel class, had great boobs, an akhuennuy asshole and fucked up what a pimply ebnik, reminiscent of arable land bombed by the fascists.

- Listen, you want, I will prompt how to get rid of acne?

“Fuck you, you fool,” she replied, defiantly turning away and adding speed.

- Yes, wait a minute, I seriously, - I did not lag behind, semen from the side, trying to grab her attention, - I have a cousin sister, Julia, maybe you know, in the draftsman, she learns to cook, and so, in general, acne was from ears and before the manda, she was called by her whole family since childhood, they thought she would die like that, and now everything is as smooth as an asshole - I accidentally cast a glance at Ninkin, but the bridegroom changes, more often than the gaskets during heat. One even licked her pussy, she boasted.

- And what? - Nink asked in an indifferent tone, trying hard to hide her interest.

- And nicho. It's all about hedgehog milk, ”I said, conspiratorially lowering my voice.

- What? - Ninka stopped, hatched on me, like a catwoman on trainer Kuklachev.

“In the hedgehog's milk,” I repeated, as seriously as possible, “Yulkin’s Rodak, as they understood that they would never give her away with such a hare, all the daughters who put off the flat in the apartment, spent the hedgehogs in America, even had to take a loan. But on the other hand, not a single pimple was smeared. Well, not counting those that she calls her boobs.

- Fucking, - Ninka even stopped breathing with excitement.

- Yes, I answer, you rub it a couple of times and the skin is immediately smooth as a prick, you do not believe in Yulia ask, - for convincingness, I waved my hand somewhere to the garbage cans standing on the corner, implying that Yulka is somewhere there, everything is ready to confirm it at any time, - Well, this is not chemistry for you, but a natural product. Tibetan medicine, yopte. I heard about this? All the rich are now only her and are treated.

- Well, where do I get that hedgehogs milk for you? - in her voice came through the mockery, mixed with genuine curiosity.

- Here it is fucking conscious. In general, goods in short supply, you know, milk hedgehogs still need to catch. Yes, and they have a small milk yield, it also depends on the breed on the season. You can, of course, try searching in the woods for a chemical plant, I saw several there at the beginning of spring, or you can ask me, I will pour it out of the bottle from my sister, she doesn't need it anyway, but there is still a little bit left.

- Cho just like that you take and give? - Ninka's eyes were burning greedily and her hands shook with excitement.

- Well, not so easy. But if you suck, then no questions asked.

- Go fuck, freak, - Nina offended pursed lips and again quickened her pace.

- Well ... Nin, of course yours, - I, a little behind, scatteredly scooped up the asphalt with my toe, - but you would have thought. Yulka Rodak won how much dough they poured, and I offer you almost for nothing. In short, see for yourself, fuck. I wanted to help so purely as a friend, if you don’t want to - don’t, Lenka from the second entrance will give, this mare also has more acne than the Komodo lizard.

Ninka thought. It was clear that the gears would gnaw at her head, weighing the potential benefits.

“Okay, Nin, I am in a hurry,” we have already reached the school, “if you suddenly make up your mind, come to my hut today at four o'clock in the evening, I will not have any Rodak,” I winked at her and went to my class. There were a couple of minutes before the call, and the biologist would fuck like they did not like those who were late.

***

Ninka came at five to four. Shyly ringing the doorbell, she entered the apartment with the doomed look of Natasha Rostova, who, instead of the court ball, was offered to serve a crowd of truckers at a roadside cafe on the Rostov-Makhachkala highway. What can you do, our life is just a series of victims, to which we are forced to go for the sake of the cherished goal. And this truth sometimes comes across too early.

- And you will not deceive? She asked, flushing red. Oh, this image of a Russian woman, painted with a pen of the classics, filled with sacrifice and doubt. There is something sacred and highly spiritual in it.

- Fuck, Nina, nahuya me to deceive you? Already prepared for you especially - I shook a bottle of magnesia with a whitish liquid inside in the air, - exclusive, tries. The main thing is that the sister does not know anything, otherwise I’ll be fucked.

“Just don't mind telling anyone,” Ninka confusedly, taking off her jacket.

- Of course, - I undid my fly and pulled out a dick. She squatted, closed her eyes and clasped his lips, swaying from toe to heel, catching her balance and settling herself comfortably.

Fuck, how she selflessly and enthusiastically sucked. With such diligence, as if the fate of the universe depended on it. Apparently at this moment she enthusiastically imagined how all her acne got rid of her, pokotsannoy neodeybitom and disturbed metabolism, eblischa, and rich princes lined up to lick her juicy dumpling and give her a new iPhone for it. Feeling the final approaching, I grabbed her by the ears, generously sprinkled with scrofulous crust, and pressed her closer to me, forcing me to swallow everything to the last drop. After she got to her feet, staggering and breathing noisily, like a cornered horse, I reluctantly handed her the coveted bottle.

- Take this. Just do not forget, you smear in the evening before bedtime, and do not wash it off until the morning. Then thank you still say.

Nina, eagerly grabbed the bubble, immediately, without turning around and without saying a word, ran home, apparently in a hurry to urgently anoint her pimply ryahu.

Without even saying goodbye, this is an ungrateful creature, and we were so close. It became a bit offensive, as if I was used, as if some thing.

So do good to people after that. I looked out the window at the gray sky, through the clouds of which the rare rays of the sun hesitantly looked through, and was saddened. Human ingratitude always hurts a little, especially when you trust these people and go forward. For some reason, no one wants to think what it is like for you later. You, like a fool, hope for some kind of understanding, but always the same thing, only a dull echo from the steps and distance of emptiness.

***

The next morning, when I woke up with the usual bouncy riser, I first sneaked into the bathroom, where, under the sound of water, introducing Helen Malysheva, I richly jerked off into another empty bottle from under magnesia, filling it up to about a third. After all, people need my help.

Irka from 9 "B" cured of stuttering, cured Ninka from acne, today we will ...