The sun, penetrating through the light mist, aptly directed its rays directly into the face of a certain young man, namely me. I turned to the other side, but the rest was already disturbed, the mind slowly began to realize itself and only a few minutes remained to sleep. Therefore, I returned to my back and took the first deep breath in my new life. Everything was filled with deep meaning. It is not surprising - after all, yesterday I turned 18 years old, the time for re-evaluations, undertakings, drugs and rock-n-roll.

I sat on the bed. There was no time to rest in a bed. Mom could come back late in the evening, and she could go home before work. It was necessary to remove at least an empty bottle of vodka, which I could not get drunk. What did I do with the vodka-filled carpet? Just splashing in the room with an air freshener, anyway, mom won't have time to figure out what's the matter before work.

Throwing away meditations, I pulled on a T-shirt and jeans, and loudly slapping my bare heels, I went to the kitchen where the notable Bedlam was going on. To my surprise, I dealt with him quite quickly, quickly separating what was already edible from the garbage, separating it all from dishes, furniture and decor items. The pan was still edible and went to the fridge, the dishes - to the sink, the duplicate bottle of vodka went to the back of the freezer, to the barricades of frozen meat, the furniture was wiped as much as possible, the decor items were cleaned as much as possible, or deployed by the least affected party. Only a mountain of dirty dishes spoke about yesterday’s gulbischa.

So, step by step, the apartment acquired its original appearance when the keys rattled in the castle. I glanced at the clock - since mom did not return from the girlfriends before dinner, she had to go straight to work from them. I felt uneasy. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and looked out into the corridor. Mom stood in the doorway. Disheveled, flushed, with a strange facial expression.

- Hi, mom. And what are you not at work? - I asked, mentally deleting from today's schedule watching TV shows for beer. Then he remembered that he himself should be on good terms in pairs and began to think about whether to justify himself at all. Yesterday was a big day actually.

Mom, hiding her eyes, cautiously stepped into the apartment, shut the door behind her and slowly spoke:
- I asked for leave. Are you at home? It's good. I will have to talk to you ... later.

Mom squeezed past me into her room, leaving behind a train of fume, her favorite perfume and something else, strangely exciting and very invigorating. Inspired by this smell, I quickly did the dishes, threw out the festive glassware, cooked pasta with a quick hand and decided to return to my room.

Passing by my mother's room, I again caught a strange smell. I was irresistibly drawn to look into my mother's room. I gently pushed open the door and looked around the room. Attention marked the places where the glasses stood, plates, and marked a dark spot on the ceiling, formed from the sausage stuck to the ceiling incomprehensibly. Suddenly, attention was noted by a bottle located on the shelf of the bedside table. The bottle, which was regularly used by me and my friends. Bottle of intimate lubrication. Thoughts raced violently in my head. Seryozha, who was looking at the World with the wolf, at the end of the party was able to retire to her in her mother's room.Seryoga was a big fan of refueling the girls from behind, and he knew that I had the same bottle in my closet. My or not mine. Go check? And if mom wakes up? Or is it her ...

I stopped halfway to the nightstand. I never thought of mom in that way. I knew, of course, that mother was a woman, and that after her father had left, she did not keep him faithful, but I never found evidence that she was sleeping with someone. No one saw mom bring someone on, there were no strangers on our floor, mom did not go on dates, did not stay at work for more than 15 minutes and did not go to corporate parties. At night, strange sounds were heard from my mother's bedroom, but I understood that the dildo is not just lying in my mother's nightstand. Mum did not use lubricant or hid it very well. I stood, frantically thinking. Explained with my mother did not want to. The smell made its contribution, clouding the mind and very exciting. There was no further delay. I resolutely sneaked to the bedside table, gently pulled the bottle and went to my room. On the threshold I turned around. Mom was lying on her back, with her arms up and her mouth slightly open. Red curly hair collected during the day in the tail, now scattered on the pillow. Large, mature, but not losing elasticity, breasts were pulled out from under the blanket and looked at the ceiling with their nipples. Hidden blanket slender waist. The gaze involuntarily lingered on the transition of her belly to her legs. And then it hit me like a current: a blanket hid a kind of bulge. A small and not very characteristic, but imagination, agitated by the smell, started at a gallop. To avoid problems, I pulled myself together, grabbed my legs there and rushed into the room.

Closing the door behind me, I leaned heavily against it, catching my breath and trying to calm my frantic beating heart. The rising wave of arousal was killed by willpower, its physiological signs were extinguished, but the burning sensation in the stomach did not work. It grew, rose up, flew down and, somewhere in the chest, closer to the throat turned into indescribable bitterness. A lump gathered in my throat, breathing was difficult, tears drew in my eyes. After all, if what I imagined is true, then 6 years ... Six years! The search for a partner, loving, passionate, the night of masturbation, jumping on the dildo, experiments in the bathroom, correspondence on the Internet, secret forays to men and, of course, fear of their rudeness. So, never knowing a man, I gave up hope for this intimacy and began to pay more attention to the “rubber friend”, spending sometimes whole nights on it, mercilessly driving it into myself. So it went on to pink foam. The first time it was a shock, for a whole week made me interrupt my exercises. When it repeated a month later, it was fear. Not just fear - horror. I imagined that I would have to go to the hospital. Mom will find out. I don’t even know which doctor to go to. How to arrange it and what documents I need to take with me. And what if the inspection is paid? How much does it cost? After this, I abandoned the toy. For a while I was playing with my ass fingers, but the fear of hurting myself outweighed that too. Then somehow the girls themselves started, friends appeared, the Internet got better and everything went a completely different way, but ... but ... Oh, how, if, but, but, and ... After all, it was a dream. Big and, in spite of its essence, clean! I dreamed of being soft and docile, I dreamed of being a girl, I dreamed of improving myself in this direction. But the reality was harsh and even the girls were never the way I imagined them. And I was hardened, oh how I hardened!

Tears of anger and frustration rampantly ran down my cheeks, along a gentle gun that had not yet reached the proud title of bristle, dropped onto a black baggy T-shirt, under which at one time I often hid a bra bought with modest savings, while I realized that the time was irrevocable missed That desires are dead, that I am satisfied with my new life, that nothing can be changed. That my experiences may have no ground, at the end of it all! After all, the blanket could go on like this.Or the gasket is sticking out. Or something else. Or it seemed to me at all! After all, all that I regret - only the fruit of my imagination ...
Thinking this way, I calmed down and decided to leave the past to the past. I wiped my face with a T-shirt, smoothed my short, fashionable anime haircut, and headed for the closet. Reaching the secret shelf, I put the bottle to the same one, glanced at the shelf and, closing the cupboard, lay down on the bed.

After the experience, I drove into a dream, and overcame me. I woke up from the noise in the kitchen. Judging by the sun, not much time has passed. Immediately a very disturbing thought began to knock on my head. I lay on the bed, listened to my mother rustle the bags and tried ...