- Am I such a freak? No, well, seriously? It seems not ... Not an oligarch, but not a rogue. I drink in moderation, I do not smoke, I only throw socks around the house in the corner strictly reserved for this ... Well, what did I not please her? Maybe I'm a fool? I look like a fool?

“Yes,” a cat would answer, to whom Alexei had been complaining about his unfortunate fate for about twenty minutes. But the phlegmatic beast only idly watched the guy walking around the room in front of him.

- Answer me, woolen reptile!

To this statement, apparently, the cat already sincerely offended, immediately taking up to lick his ass. If he could speak, now he would refuse to support the dialogue out of principle.

- Of course, you feel good, you can lick your ass yourself! And you already have no eggs.

The cat looked thoughtfully at the man again, as if asking, “What, seriously?”.

- But I have eggs. But now they are unnecessary to me. I hope that this situation is not for long ...

Half a day before the New Year, the boyfriend was thrown by the girlfriend, having gone to a puny and nondescript programmer, which doubly offended a relatively successful and handsome young man.

The refrigerator was bursting with products from which Alexey and Natasha were supposed to cook festive dishes. But now, when the girl is gone, he didn’t want to cook only for herself and the silent cat. However, the stomach rumbled and demanded food, and the brain and soul - alcohol.

- Pizzeria, hello. - The tormented female voice answered.

- Hello, big pizza, four cheeses when ready?

- Delivery is possible only in three to four hours ...

- Ohreneli what? - Sincerely outraged Alex. - No, thanks.

- Holiday greetings! - Suddenly she cheerfully and loudly exclaimed.

- Yeah ... - Alex answered darkly and pressed the end button.

For the festive table, only champagne was purchased from him, but it was not the most suitable drink in the current situation. Taking off his pants and throwing them all in the same cat, he subconsciously tried to distract himself and break his displeasure on him. His basketball past had an effect and his pants completely covered the sprawled animal from above. Another couple of seconds and pants ran into the hall with the cat.

“Is there something to give him too? Some kind of fish, I guess. “- A wave of warm feelings towards the cat suddenly flooded Alexey, who never betrayed him throughout his short cat life. Leaving the corridor and putting his foot in the left shoe, he immediately felt something was wrong.

- Kill the bitch! - the guy rushed to the kitchen, where his pants lay under the table. An experienced cat, prudently hid on the kitchen cabinet, taking off from the table in an instant. - Are you normal at all?

- Mäyau. - said the cat.

- Popizdi me more! He grumbled, but Alexey quickly cooled. The phone on the table squeaked plaintively, announcing a lack of charge, and blinked off the screen. - Yes, what a day today such! - The hands of the guy dropped in the literal and figurative sense. - To the store, rather to the store!

Grabbing the half-eaten bun off the table, he put on his summer sneakers and jumped out of the apartment. But, not having time to chew on a large piece of baking, he immediately slipped on the street, and flopped on the fifth point, coughing from a crumb caught “not at that throat”.

- Uncle, you feel bad? - Asked a girl of about twelve, walking her dog nearby.

Clearing his throat and shaking himself off, he looked at her and, tapping himself on the chest, said:

- Strike!

- What?

- Yes, I say, I have no luck in everything today! All the setback over the past year has gathered. It remains only to the car hit, or the dog bit.

The girl glanced at her dachshund, which stood on the belly in the snow, and then at a passing garbage truck.

- Rather, the car will kill you! - She said happily.

- Thank you, kind girl! Happy New Year!

- And you too! Carefully, there are slippery steps.

- Thank! - repeated the guy, slipping again, despite the warning. But this time he, he was saved by the railing. - So! The main thing is not to be killed before the alcohol department, and there it will not be so offensive anymore.

Carefully, holding the shelves and moving towards the cherished goal, he finally got to strong alcohol. “Go for a walk, so go for a walk!” He thought and grabbed a liter bottle of Jemeson in gift wrapping. Having bought a fresh herring for the cat, he, to his surprise, reached the apartment without incident.

Prudently hiding sneakers, he immediately went to the kitchen, poured half a glass of amber drink and drained it in one gulp.

- Eh, life is getting better! - He reported. - Striped, come down, you have an amnesty!

Either the striped man did not know this word, or he continued to be afraid, so he remained sitting on the locker without moving. But the sight and smell of the fish immediately made his tail interestedly sweep from side to side.

Cutting the herring into small pieces and carefully removing small bones from the fillet, Alexey still forced the cat to go down and join the festive table. Having poured himself a cat and another half a cup, the guy continued to get drunk, silently watching the cat. For some reason, the four-legged drinking companion only ate, refusing a good whiskey.

- Well, okay, I will get more! - Suddenly he spoke, forcing the cat to press his ears to his head in fear. The guy drained and the second glass, putting it in its place. The beast cautiously sniffed the empty container and, snorting, returned to eating fish.

Alexey turned on the TV, but looking at the happy and shiny faces, it became even more disgusting for him, from which he almost launched the remote control directly into the plasma. Then he drank only from the throat, not wasting time on a mediator in the form of a glass.

***

He woke up in his bed exactly at midnight from the loud sounds of the chimes. He was still drunk to death, and only one third of the drink remained in the bottle against the back.

- Yes, it went all! - He said out loud, waking up a cat that had fry, who was peacefully dozing in a chair nearby. - What is there to do at this time? Mandarin to eat or grapes? Too lazy to get up ... Oh, you can still make a wish! So, I wish you Natasha, so that you, whore, the men did not give the passage! To wear you out so that you would have prayed and crawled to my lap, begging for forgiveness! It is a pity in our country of equality, I would deprive you of all women of privileges! So that without the word of the peasant they could not make a step, and not something to change! Wow, I would ... - Drunk nonsense poured an endless stream. Finally, he took a sip from the bottle and felt the next dose of alcohol again taking his mind away from the body. It seemed as if it no longer belonged to him, but sprawled limply on the bed, separated from the head ...

***

When Alexey woke up again, the clock was about three in the morning. The street still remotely babahali firecrackers who were late celebrating, and from the shock dose of whiskey in my head was still intoxicating and pleasant. A light burned in the corridor, cutting its eyes with its brightness. His eyes were generally filled with sand and, the guy was not lazy, got up and went to the bathroom to wash them with cold water.

Squinting, he walked without looking into the right room, feeling and knowing up to a millimeter of distance and the arrangement of objects in his own apartment, in which he had lived since childhood. Without lighting the light, he leaned over the sink, turned on the water and began to wash his eyes. His hair was constantly in his face, tangling between his fingers. “Why are there so many of them?” Was the cat nilin 'or is it a farewell present from Natasha? ”He thought to himself. His eyes and face feel better, although he felt somewhat unusual and strange. Grabbing a towel, the guy straightened up, dried himself and opened his eyes.

- Aaaaaaaa !!! - The bell rang throughout the bathroom and the whole apartment. From the mirror, the sleepy and wrinkled face of Natasha was looking at Alexey. His first thought was that the girl was hiding behind him. But he shouted, too, not with his voice, but with his high voice of his ex. In the twilight of the room, ...