On an early autumn morning, Lily woke up with a firm conviction: today or never! She had too little time left to give herself the opportunity to swing. The weekend began and her beloved husband, Igor, was supposed to return from a business trip from day to day. This absurd bet, which they made before his departure, somehow faded into the background and was gradually forgotten until her husband reminded him of their last telephone conversation.

- How are you there, Lily, cope on your own, without me, how did you “threaten” before my departure?

- Everything will be alright! - answered Lily, and thought: "Bliiin, all this garbage completely out of my head!"

Quickly having breakfast, Lilia opened the newspaper ads. She ran her eyes through the Home Aid category, and Husband for an Hour, she wrote out several phones on the edge of the page. Then she went to the window to pick up the phone and looked out into the yard. There, next to the garbage bin battery, a neighbor was sticking up from the top floor: in a blue work overalls and a greasy cap, he was busily cutting off something from a piece of plywood, which had already been at the last container for three days: the forgotten and no one needed.

"It seems his name is Petrovich ... Or Ivanovich ... I do not remember", Lily thought, and realized it: “Maybe he will help me? He lives nearby, and, the carpenter, see. And you don’t need to call anywhere! ” Lily rushed into the hallway and frantically changed her shoes - she wanted to catch him in the yard. "Maybe he will do everything cheaper, on the" fraternal "topic"thought Lily, rejoicing in her resourcefulness.

The man, having cut off the piece he needed from a blank plywood sheet, was about to leave, when suddenly a young girl in short shorts ran up to him, and nearly crashed into him, almost knocking him down.

- Hello, - out of breath, she blurted out, - you ... Petrovich?

“Stepanych,” the man answered, feeling the slender, almost childish figure of a girl with his eyes, but what about?

“Stepanych,” Lily corrected, “and I am your neighbor, Lily.” From the bottom floor.

- I know. Saw. And what? - Stepanych scratched the bottom of his weighty stomach, and more comfortably seized a piece of plywood, which he held in his hand.

- The fact is that I made a bet with my husband ... In general, nothing special, but ...

- And what?

Lily suddenly wanted to finish this conversation: she somehow somehow disliked this adult man with a beer belly: he was kind of rude and not educated. And it smelled of ... herring and onions. She struggled to keep herself in place.

- Simply, my husband ... In general, I need your help. Are you a carpenter?

- I'm a carpenter! - Sagging, proudly answered Stepanich, as if the "carpenter" sounded offensive. - And what do you need?

“We argued that I myself, without him, while he was away ... Well, it doesn't matter,” Lily swallowed a sudden lump in her throat, and continued, “I need to hang a bookshelf on the wall.”

- And your husband, handle, or what? - calmly asked Stepanych, picking his ear with a callused finger.

- Why, right away ... - Lily was even a little offended, - we argued with him that I myself ... But I don’t know how ... It’s just there that you need to insert it between the window and the sideboard. And do everything as it should.

- I see. So, your hand can not insert you, as it should, - summed up Stepanych and grinned obscenely.

- You know what! - Lily got angry in earnest, - I offer you a job, and you ...

“And I agree,” the carpenter unexpectedly answered, still smiling, and carefully looked at the result of the ear research: under the “mourning” nail there stuck out a fair chunk of dark brown sulfur — when is it necessary?

- Today! - Lily blurted out, not believing that she nevertheless managed to come to an agreement with this boorish master.

- What will you pay? - asked Stepanych, and, as it seemed to him, he quietly wiped his research finger on the ass, - and what time to come?

- How what ?! - again flashed Lily, - as usual, with money! How much do you ask for this job?

“I can’t say so, from the bay-bakery,” Stepanych put the plywood on the ground, and leaned against his leg, “we must look at the place to see what it is.” - He looked behind the neckline of Lily’s t-shirt, and she quickly crossed her arms over her chest. - We will agree. Maybe there will be work like two fingers piss!

- In general, come after lunch. At three o'clock will you be satisfied?

Leela was tired of listening to all this obscenity, and she was no longer glad that she had agreed. Besides, from this uncouth man, he was attracted by some kind of animal magnetism, and this slightly frightened her.

- At three, so at three. - Stepanich last time slid greasy glance at Lily's bare legs and sighed heavily, - at fifteen hours, then?

“Yes, at fifteen o'clock,” at Lily, from these scrutiny carpenters, suddenly pleasantly tickled in the crotch, and she crossed her legs in dismay. "This is just not enough!"

The sudden embarrassment of the girl did not escape the gaze of Stepanich, and he grinned obscenely and straightened something very impressive in his pants. Lily gazed involuntarily behind his gesture, and the paint of shame flooded her face. She nodded to the carpenter, turned, and quickly walked toward the entrance. "Just think!", she mentally spoke to herself: the image of a stick of sausage "Cervelaut" swam into her mind against her will and did not want to get out of there, “The same to me, Jonah Falcon, of the Sakhalin flood!”. Lily sniffed, and went into the entrance.

...

Igor lay in bed and smiled. He had finished all the work on this town, forgotten by God, for almost a full day, but he didn’t tell Li: he had a surprise for her. His beloved, charming Lily - one name is worth nothing! - taught English to children, and she adored traveling: she liked to use her language skills in other countries: and when she was understood and admired by her pronunciation, she always flourished and was happy.

For successfully completed work, Igor was awarded a premium, but his wife still knew nothing about this pleasant bonus. Of course, there would not be enough money for a candle factory, but it’s easy to go abroad with a loved one on a tour package. And he, at his own peril and risk, chose the direction himself, and booked a cruise on the “A ll I nclusive” system - all that remained was to buy the vouchers, and to hand over all the documents to the travel agency: him and Lilia.

Igor got up from the bed of the hotel room and looked at the bedside cabinet: there was a beautiful Certificate on it confirming that Igor and Lily, on such a date, are going on vacation on the Diamond Princess liner to countries such as ... Suddenly the mobile , and his dreams scattered like smoke: glancing at the dull autumn landscape outside the window, Igor picked up the phone - it was the beloved who called.

- Hello dear! How are you there? How are you? When you go to home? - rattled the phone, and Igor smiled: how he loved his beloved baby!

- Hello! Good. In order. Soon. - Igor, fooling around, answered the questions in a monosyllabic manner, and lay back on the bed.

- Isn't it convenient for you to talk, love? - For some reason, asked in a whisper tube.

- Yes, you know ... I am not alone here, - Igor answered, sadly looking around the empty room of the provincial hotel’s state-of-the-art room, - you know how it happens on a business trip: good booze, high-quality coke, beautiful girls ... That is that ...

There was a pause in the tube. Igor barely restrained not to laugh early.

“You know, Igor,” said the pipe dryly, “I almost believed you, if it were not for your“ quality coke ”.

- And what, you think that I have enough money only for the left fake? - he began to amuse such a turn in the conversation.

“I didn’t waste my time without you, too,” Lily didn’t comment on Igor’s remark, letting her pass by, met one man here ... With a shafter in her pants. At three o'clock she will come to our house for the bride, - Lily already bore: her husband’s jokes touched her deeply.

- Well, everything, calm down, - conciliatory ...