"... Oh, I do not know, I do not know ...

where I find, where I lose ... "

Prologue.

(Mariana Nikolaevna).

I woke up, languishing in some kind of premonition.

“Strange,” I thought, opening my eyes and looking around the room.

Usually, waking up, could hardly overcome the bitterness. And what to rejoice at? Again one, ahead of the working day, "empty efforts" and the evening is no better. But today ... I looked at my watch - seven ... It's time to get up. I jerked and remembered - I have a day off!

- Hooray! Three days of doing nothing.

And in my chest I got the feeling that today would be a “great” day!

Bad head, does not give rest to his feet 1.

(Sasha, Pasha and pivasik!).

For the third hour, Pasha and I were pouring beer. The mood was wonderful, only the beer was over. And there was no money for repetition. I scraped out all that I had, and Pashka turned out his pockets. Breaking the last bream, Pasha issued:

- We sit well!

- Yes ... Well ... That's just two banks left ... - I added regretfully, opening them.

Taking a couple of sips, Pasha asked:

- And maybe you will borrow from the neighbors?

We sat in my apartment, my relatives went to the country house and she was at our full disposal for two whole days.

- Would take more beer, but you can and vodovka ... - he would dream, - in the evening they prowled through the disc, removed the heifers and drew off at night in full!

- Nah ... - thinking, I answered, and stuck to the neck, - no one will give.

- And this new neighbor?

- Which one?

- Well, that recently moved.

- Fifa, or what?

- Well yes. Probably...

- Have you gone crazy? Throw out in three necks and more relatives complain.

- Poorly! - Pasha sighed, and reached into his pockets.

- And what are you going to find there? - I sighed, - you are in the store from the floor the last ruby ​​picked up.

- And let someone "board"?

- What is it like? - I did not understand.

- Well, put on masks, knock on the door and ...

- Rob, what? - I asked.

- Well no. We will borrow voluntarily-compulsively, and then, when there is money, we’ll stop, apologize and give up! - he cackled.

- Yeah! We will enter and “borrow”, and they will call the cops, - after thinking, I gave out, - we will be caught and imprisoned ...

- So we will scare, then you can tie and tear ...

- What are we going to scare? - I sarcastically asked.

“You have a Walter model, and I ...” he thought and got up. I went up to the nightstand and took out a knife for cutting meat - I'll take it!

- Yes, he is stupid like a cork! - I laughed, - even horseradish bread will be cut off!

“I don’t want to cut anyone,” Pashka explained, “but he looks so big!” Scared.

- Yeah, where do you get the masks? In the "Children's World" run?

Pasha thought.

- Does your mother have old stockings?

- What will you measure? - I laughed.

Pasha moved my fist to the side. I hissed in pain.

- Fucked? It hurts after all!

- We are interpreting the “case”, and you ... - he was offended.

“Oh, you,” I rubbed my sore side and stood up.

Rather, I wanted to get up, but the first time I did not succeed. My head was spinning, my wadded legs were not holding.

“Ha-ha-ha ...” I laughed, “the yen's mother robbers are not standing on their feet.”

- You can drink coffee ... - Pasha suggested hesitantly, - you are sober from him ...

- Aha ... - I thought, - coffee was somewhere ?! Why do you need stockings? - I remembered with a laugh.

- Fool! On the head we pull, no one will recognize us!

- Do not go! - I categorically declared, - Mama does not wear stockings, - I said guiltily.

- And tights?

- What is tights? - I did not understand.

- Wears tights?

- Yeah ...

- Drag! - ordered Pashka, - we make such masks out of tights, we will rock!

I still managed to get up and walked to the bathroom.

- And take the scissors! - a friend shouted after me, - and while I put water on the coffee.

“He still has scissors,” I grumbled, already rummaging around in a basket of dirty laundry.

***

When I returned Pasha gave me a cup of hot coffee.

- Drink, come on! - while I do the masks!

Having thrown a pair of mother's tights on the table, I grabbed a cup and began to watch the drugan with interest. After examining the pantyhose, for some reason he scratched his finger and, darkening, asked:

- And what is clean? These stink!

“They do not stink, but they smell,” I teased him, “he asked for the old ones.

Pashka raised his pantyhose with two fingers and sniffed:

- Baba stinks!

- You yourself are a woman! - I was angry - this is my mother's!

- And what mother is not a woman?

Now I pushed him fist.

- Mom is a woman! Moron...

“Come on, you,” he muttered conciliatingly, “woman, woman, chick ...”

And then he got a second jab in the forehead. In short, we almost got into a fight. But the cost. Still pouting at Pasha, I muttered:

- Let's make your masks, and then the "pipes are burning"!

“You are looking for a rope,” Pasha said, cutting the nylon.

***

Ten minutes later, after drinking coffee, rinsing our heads under a stream of cold water in a bath, we stood in the corridor with the remnants of tights “armed to the teeth” stretched over our heads. I, like a real killer, was swinging my black plastic "Walter", and Pasha, making a terrible face, turned it with a blunt cutter. In his left hand he had a rope for drying clothes, cut off on the balcony.

- And to whom we will go? - asked Pasha.

- Go to Fifi and let's go! - I decided. “Do you know how tedious she is?” Sasha needs to be greeted ... Sasha should be the first lady to miss the elevator ... Dura, in general!

- Does she have money?

- Probably ... She wears well, and on the fingers of the ringlets ... Why are we not going to remove a piece from her? - I worried, starting to tremble.

- Then let's go.

Attack.

Ready, we stood near the door of a neighbor.

- Ready? - I asked in a shaky voice.

“Aaag,” Pasha answered uncertainly.

Exhaling, I rang the doorbell. My head was spinning: “If only she was not at home; even if she was not at home ... ", - but, alas ... Behind the door there were footsteps, and she swung open.

... Silent scene from the auditor ...

- And what ... - began a neighbor.

- Be quiet bitch! - Pasha squealed and, pushing me away, broke into the apartment - where is the money? - and like an idiot turned a knife.

I, depicting a steep, barter, and with all my might pushing with a plastic pistol, jumped into the corridor and closed the door. The hostess calmly and silently stepped back. Looking at us, she asked:

- What kind of money are we talking about?

“This is a robbery,” said Pasha, not very confidently and hoarsely, “give me the money, and we will not touch you!”

- Otherwise? - she already looked at us with interest.

“We will tie and rape,” Pasha squeezed out of himself in a whisper and showed her the rope.

She laughed and said:

- Would you go out, clowns, and then call the police!

- Oh, you bitch! - Pasha screamed and rushed forward.

Then something strange happened. He wheezed and, letting go of the knife and rope, doubled over, clutching at his balls. And all I saw was the robe of a dressing gown, dressed in a neighbor, and then a fist flew into my face. Not very big, but solid. Now I, having let go of the pistol, grabbed my face, feeling like a second fist drove into my stomach. And then there was a loud crash, the smell of ozone and I lost consciousness.

***

A quiet voice brought me to consciousness:

- Oh, Sasha, Sasha. And what are you on the "big road" out. I told you: "Be good with strangers, especially with ladies!"

- What happened with me? - I whispered with difficulty, feeling my nose ache, stomach aches, and feeling the huge bump on my forehead.

I tried to move, but it was not there! I twitched and realized that I was connected. Turning his head around with difficulty, he saw Fifu sitting on the sofa holding a small glass with something brown-golden in her fingers. Looking at her in bewilderment, he looked back to the other side, from where an angry sniff was heard. There lay Paul, bound hand and foot ...