"On December 31, my friends and I go to the bathhouse." I paraphrase this phrase - December 31, my friend and I flew to India. The New Year was celebrated in the sky surrounded by Hindus, turbans of various colors and chocolate eyes carefully examining us. The airliner company was diluted by a handful of Englishmen, who were looking haughtily at the representatives of the once-lost colony, and the loudly flowing speech of the Italians. Clinking, and slamming into a glass of wine, the mysterious future spread like hot streams in blood, blew into a double helix in fingertips and left a pellet of mother-of-pearl pastoral. In general, the outgoing year was not easy, but some people saddled us, but we managed.

Arriving late at night at the airport, looking into the eyes of the receiving party, and passing through the checkpoint for diplomats, we set off for the suitcases. There was a vanilla smell of gel in the air, white with a crunch of bed linen and a huge bed immersed in the room. But the trouble does not go alone. Motel "Bristol" hid in the blue distance. Suitcases did not arrive at destination-1. Knowing about the English language not by hearsay, but having some idea from the first grades of elementary school and entering the phrase “read and translate with a dictionary” into the communist era, we went to the stand of lost things. The Hindus met us peacefully; smiled, bowed, looking at our bulging charms, behaved correctly. They said that further information after Madame and Ken Pliz remained so secret for me that I could only communicate it in person with a Hindu, and then not be surprised that I would bite off his ear and eat it. But, I think, the deer that swept above the ground with Santa Claus drunk in a sleigh, came down and touched me with their smart horns. Suddenly, some phrases sounded not in the mythical language, but with understanding were thrown into the head, burned out as in the firebox and displayed in the form of numbers and words in the completed questionnaire.

- Ladikineyme?

- Natalia is such and such ...

- Madam, know.

- What know?

Here, standing next to the unfortunate shows me the item in the questionnaire, and I see the mail.

- Bl ... what lady? Mail?

- Yes, madam.

In general, these minutes were suitable for going crazy, or at least scared to death. I did just that: I was scared to the extent of not returning baggage that the rest of my hair began to move on my head. But half the battle is done, and they zealously set about my girlfriend. The questionnaire was filled out in blissful silence, because they managed to elicit some facts from me earlier. Next came the trailer.

- Madame, baggage neym?

A friend rolled her eyes and looked inquiringly at me.

- What is your suitcase?

She turned to the Hindu and proudly, with a hint of admiration for her precious suitcase, said:

- Samsung.

I was not taken aback, turned to him, and shouted in falsetto to the whole hall:

- Galaxy C4, - and showed four fingers.

Attention minute of glory begins. Everybody turned around: - Administrators, border guards in green uniform, a gray suitcase in the corner, a copper elephant standing on a pedestal slightly turned its trunk and squinted its eyes at the neighboring tables. The air stopped, the conveyor belt stopped running to infinity, and the cup with masala was clearly falling behind the wall.

THE BEARS ARE SLEEPS AND ONLY A YOGA CONTINUES ATSKY Annealing.

The hall exploded, wild laughter shook the airport from wall to wall, bypassing the endless abysses in the form of lost luggage, metal carts, billboards, reflected from the dark glasses of the airport and came back, settling with tears from some very sophisticated people.

“Oh, Samsonite is black,” replied a friend.

In general, sober, happy and without luggage, we were taken to the Ibis hotel in order to begin our journey around the country in just a couple of hours. Phone, money and cosmetics, (alayuya!) Remained in hand luggage.

Luggage caught up with us two days later, when the pants were in holes from local water, soap and our hands of hardworking Spanish laundresses.

A special consolation prize for us is a box of vodka and the main thing is not to give it away. They did so.

Guide demanded for the boy who drove the luggage, compensation. To which we showed beautiful purple figs with a manicure peeled from everyday washes.

- There are 20 million of you, we are alone, you cannot make up all the money.

What can be said about India? The country of religious fanatics, fattening priests, raised to a cult and power is calm. Only monuments of bygone days remind of the greatness of the country and its former power. Alternating them with impressively dissecting cows, sacred animals. A herd of wild monkeys, galloping along the walls of streets and temples, fed from the hands of tourists and fighting among themselves. Such small passions and civil strife. Gorgeous plumage of peacocks walking in the mud. This is India - great and poor in one tangle.

Further our path lay in Nepal. The guide came across young, interesting and inspired confidence with knowledge of history and languages. Did he constantly flirt with me, or am I with him? Apparently the bastard inside was beating against the walls, I wanted a certain drive, sunlight, as in these magnificent and autocratic mountains, a slight murmur of the turquoise river in the conversations of this boy. Do not go to the fortuneteller, if I want, then rushing the locomotive. Who dares to resist against this power that is destroying everything in its path?

It seemed to me that the country of the Kama Sutra met my expectations. This imposing unhurried pace, sweet speeches and burning eyes, all involved in the cycle of energy, dazzling and colorful. The beauty and majesty of the mountains, guarding heaven from invasion from the outside, complacent and noble manners of the people inhabiting this land. In general, the stars were like that, and I pulled out the ace of hearts. But will he be an ace? That is the question.

Seduced him instantly with one movement of wide-open eyes. He did not resist, and in the interval between excursions, I sealed him against the wall with smooth curves of my forms, so that I would not flutter and would say quietly:

- Good days, handsome. Today we will meet, we can go to the Colombian jungle to the partisans, we can go to Ibiza, where it is cold and raining, but you try to get a cheap room in our hotel, and we’ll stop at it, and put your eyebrows up and down and tongue was . He must have been taken aback by such a pressure, since his mouth was not busy, but if he used to drink noble wine, he would immediately gush through his nostrils.

We twisted the stupa's drums, went into the temple, spinning a huge drum and behind it, so that the visitors would not see, he kissed my cheek with a smeared lip movement.

- Yes, no biathlete of you. Aim at the top ten, baby, - showed her finger on the pants of red jeans.

But it is nibic courage to commit such an act in the temple. I was impressed. Buddha will not forgive you, Natalya, you took the best son to the ranks of classic sex, you can say to the front.

- And now selfies, dear, say ChIZ !!!

So I captured this historical moment on the iPhone's camera.

What to say about Shuraji? He looks creative. Gray pressed-up trousers, gray Мarmout sweatshirt, dressed over a white blue striped shirt. Red herring-cap at twenty degrees of heat so that his appearance would cause pity and not be killed at the end of the trip. High among Nepalese, average among Europeans. In general, a stranger among his own, his own among strangers. Dark skin, sandalwood bright spot stood out against the background of clothing, which made it interesting. Beautiful brown eyes, with a gleam of distant galaxies inside the pupil. Life was splashing in it like a vast ocean of the water world. Apparently, I strongly embellished the moments of radiant beauty in it, in order to inflame my imagination and spend a beautiful minuete in a white-chocolate bed.

It all happened casually, as in German porn. He did not get the rooms, he collected his travel backpack with two shorts and sweat pants, and went to the hotel located on the other side of the city ....