Vova fiercely peeled potatoes. He had to do it twice a year. On March 8th and November 16th. Another so hated herring was waiting for him. She also had to be cleaned twice a year. After bandaging the second cut finger, the man again began to engage in so hated him. The phone rang sharply. The cleaner, jumping off the stool, stumbled on the kitchen bucket. That overturned backwards, scattering around itself cleaning and a shell of boiled eggs. Having slipped on a treacherously podatselivsheysya banana peel, Vova thoroughly attached his forehead to the kitchen cabinet. Having howled in a buffalo, the unfortunate proceeded into the room, rubbing the bruised place. The phone stopped ringing. Three times after swearing, the kitchen worker went back.

He managed to take exactly three steps. The phone rang again.
- Yes! “Strongly clenched teeth in anger,” answered the unfortunate.
- Masya, how are you there? - laughed loudly on the other side of the pipe, - are you cooking? I'm so drunk! Ha-ha-ha, without listening or hearing an answer, the cell phone was screaming, I will come not alone, with my girlfriends ... the connection was broken.
Vova took the device in his right hand and swung it hard to ram the hated unit against the wall ... but he changed his mind and put it in his pocket of shorts.

After cleaning the potatoes and washing the floor for the third time, the man started herring. That one didn’t want to clean up and always strived to slip out of my hands. Having lifted the hated animal from the floor for the fifth time, Vladimir, having issued a battle cry: “Die bastard! Die! ”, Tore off all the skin and lifted the bones. Covering the pieces of herring with a fur coat and carefully nayayaneziv, the chef began a winter salad.

After banding the fourth finger on his hand, Volodya decided to thoroughly attach himself to a bottle of brandy in order to calm the pain in his fingers. While he was attached, Marsik, a wonderful creature of the cat breed, tried to pull off the hefty doom of his doctoral sausage. He succeeded. The thief was caught in his house, where he tried to increase his winter reserves. Carefully washing off the meat product, the cook continued to cut his fingers, chopping the hated salad.

The time came at six o'clock when everything was ready. The table is moved apart with colorful bottles and flowers on it. A variety of salads and cuts side by side with fruits and drinks. Feeling the greatest hero of all times and peoples, Vova, with a sense of accomplishment, went to dress. The rattle of the key in the lock and the dull thumps on the door augured the arrival of the guests. Volodya accelerated dressing. There was a noise in the hallway. Very similar to the fall of the body.

- First of all! Come soon here! - shouted, stammered by his wife Vika, - Anya fell.

In the corridor, Anya, probably his wife's girlfriend, lay up to her full height. One boot was missing on her leg, and she smiled drunkenly, demanding deer's help with all her eyes. Her soft white panties, brightly gleaming from under a heavily thrusting skirt. Vova, suddenly I wanted to tear them off overnight, and plant for her what is usually planted in such cases. But the guy had to restrain himself and, without giving in appearance, he offered the necessary help. Together, we managed to pull off her second boot. At the same time, the girls who remained on their feet fell in recess, and Vika succeeded in this field for many times the third friend of Olga. Finally, Anna was hoisted onto the sofa in the bedroom, Olya and Vika were seated at the table.

Vladimir got up. Having filled with champagne, glasses of girls, he began to say a toast. He praised the beauty and youth of his wife, wished her health and happiness, and many, many ... But he was not allowed to finish speaking.

- Yes, let's drink already! - I interrupted Olya and, having strongly bent back, began to drink wine slowly in throats. At the last sip, she turned off, and the chair with its visitor with a huge roar and crash fell back.Sprawling on the component parts, he gave a space for a bed to a woman. She curled up, suddenly snarled loudly.
- And what? And true. Let's get drunk, ”said Vika, and rolled her face into a winter salad neatly spread out on her plate.
“Let's go,” said Vova, pouring a full glass from an opened bottle of vodka.

Gently swallowing the burning liquid, the guy ate it with a cucumber. After the third, putting Vika on the floor next to Olya. He huddled a little distance. With happy thoughts that the holiday was a success, he immediately fell asleep.

— 2 —

The morning brought cool freshness and severe pain in the head ... More precisely on the head. Throwing a white cloth off his face, which he used as protection against the rays of the morning sun, Vova tried to rise.
- Oh, there you are! - There was a voice somewhere very high, probably belonging to Anya, - this is mine! - pulling out of the hands of the unfortunate their panties, she confessed.

Opening one eye, the guy struggled to see the surroundings. He did not quite succeed. The moisture that filled the half-open viewing object turned into a high-quality lens for hyperopia. But he did not see anything far or near. Opening the second eye, he could not figure out why he was on the floor under the table. As he climbed there, Vovchik did not remember, and even more so why. Feeling the head and making sure that three hefty bumps were formed on it, which also caused external pain, in addition to the all-consuming internal pain. He tried to get out. With great difficulty he succeeded.

After visiting the toilet facility, my hero went to the bathroom to wash away his sins and sober up a little and dull the external pain. It was necessary to treat the inner one differently, to use something inner. But this later. And now Volodya threw open the bathroom door and took a few steps towards the cove with the cool water he desired. He was immediately suspended by the wild shouts of the victim:

- Bastard! Scum, you bastard, rapist, infection! Not only did he, taking advantage of the covers of a dark night and my state of impotence, tried to rape me while my wife was alive, and now he shamelessly bursts into the bathroom, where I am trying to make my morning ablutions ... Covering with hands and a washcloth that Olga was not supposed to see a man’s gaze, Olga tiraded.

Actually intoxicated with the brain of an alcoholic aspiring alcoholic, he missed everything except for his wife. Worried about her health, he asked Olga if she was alive and, if in good health, where she is currently living.
- She and Anechka went to the boutique for coffee and tea, frowning, the girlfriend answered, and what are you doing? Violent go again? So remember, I'm not helpless right now ...
“She is not,” answered Vladimir, “let me wet my head with cold water.” I promise I will not watch.
“I've seen enough, come on already, bursting in ... and a dark night,” allowing the man to oolon thoroughly, the woman replied.

Carefully wiping himself with a towel, Volodya stalked into the kitchen. There, in the fridge, he found several non-rich ambrosias with inscriptions guaranteeing that they contain medication for intra-head anesthesia. Having trimmed the desired vessel to almost half, the owner returned to the room in order to clean up himself and the festive table. Elevating more than half of the salads that were wondering whether they were spoiling or not, he replaced them with new ones, briskly removed from the refrigerator.

Refreshed Olga, coming out of the bathroom, began to help him, constantly exclaiming:
- What a caring man ... I used this!
It seemed she would not mind to be strong. Now and then, passing by a guy, picking up that sparkling bare knee, then something else.
- Olya, you, please, do not seduce me, - Vova finally failed to endure, I am faithful to my wife ... that's how it is.
“I didn’t really want to,” her friend snorted. “But don't lie, please.”Now she will return and you will have to answer to her, as Anechkin's panties turned out to be ...